They ain't joking when they said "BRIGHT"!!

Holy crap! There should have been a warning to put on your sunglasses before clicking on this Craigslist ad for this couch and chair. Or at least to break out a piece of cardboard with a pinhole in the middle. Cuz uhhhhh ..... HOLY COW! I think I'm seeing spots! (The bright yellow walls they have going on in there aren't helping to tone it down, that's for dang sure!!)

AWESOME, COLBALT BLUE FUN and BRIGHT Furniture SET - $800

This is an awesome colbalt blue loveseat and couch. The set includes a matching rocking chair that is SUPER comfy. There are also 4 matching throw pillows. This set is really super cool. We get tons of compliments and love the set. We are just changing the theme of this room. I will entertain any offers. Price is negotiable.

This item has been posted by-owner.
this is in or around Gresham/Portland
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I miss my sportscar

So I was returning from running errands at lunch and needed to turn left across a very busy street in order to get back to the office. I was sitting in the middle lane reserved for making hair-raising turns onto and off-of this Chaotic Road of Death (my name for it) waiting for traffic to clear enough for me to make the turn.

So I'm waiting .... and I'm waiting ... for the current group of cars to pass ..... and I look up and see a loooooooonnnnnnngggg line of Group #2 folks following along immediately behind this Group #1 of cars. So I knew I was in for a much longer wait.

Unless.

I saw one car in the far right lane (there were two lanes of opposing traffic I needed to cross), the leader of Group #2, with a small gap in front of it. And this said car was not what one would label Mr Speed Demon. The gap was pretty small but I thought "f this, I'm goin' for it".

So as soon as the end car of Group #1 passed I popped the clutch, hit the accelerator and turned the steering wheel. Because I drive a sports car and it's zippy like that and this won't be a problem at all.

Uh yeah.

About half a second later I remember that I no longer drive a sports car . I now drive a small SUV. The sportscar would react immediately to my every command with much gumption and enthusiasm. Barely had to take any pressure off the clutch and just tap the accelerator and the car would be in motion. Quick motion.

With the SUV ... not so much. The SUV likes to let me practically step OFF the clutch before it notices. And then kinda likes to think whether or not it wants to go*. And so, about halfway through the first lane I needed to cross, I thought "shit ... I ain't gonna make it!".

But I did. (haha ... y'all thought I was going to say I got in another car accident, didn't ya?? :))

But I BARELY made it. Which sucked. I mean, Mr Slow Poke may or may not have had even to step off the accelerator to slow down. I know it wasn't close enough for him to have had to hit the brakes.

But had I been in the sports car, he may not have even SEEN me as I whizzed by faster than lightening.

Which is the point of this story. That I miss my zippy sportscar. And that perhaps I need to learn that I no longer drive that. Ya know, so I don't get myself killed.

Sigh. Ah well, at least now with my mini-SUV I can haul a ton o' shit. Ikea trip, anyone?? :)

*this is actually a fairly sporty SUV and most people would think it was pretty peppy. But Most People just didn't spend the last 5 years driving a sports car and so don't have the comparison. Just gripin' is all. ;)

If you knit it, and then write about it, they will come

Which is why I was mega-confused as to why Powell's decided to have The Yarn Harlot's book signing last night at such a tiny venue. I mean, I showed up half hour early and it was standing room only already. See?

By the time The Harlot came out, there were knitters galore standing in amongst the rows of books unable to see anything but the two feet surrounding them.

I, being that my middle name is "Wiley", had meanwhile meandered in, around, and amongst the maze of people, bookrows and knick knacks until I discovered a little alcove which brought me to an empty spot not 5 feet from where Stephanie would be speaking. I ALSO found a tiny step stool and used that as my chair. Which gave me an excellent spot from which to wait and then to watch. See? Here's my view......

Pretty dang sweet, right?! :)

And here is Stephanie taking her infamous sock pictures .... the sock I was working on pictured in the foreground.

Please notice that there are FIVE needles in this picture. But when I got home ... only four remained! I have lost my first knitting needle! WAHHHHH!

Sitting in front of me ... the cutest.knitter.ever! I'm thinkin' she's about 4. Look at that concentration! She'll be showing me up in ...... well, probably two weeks! She was already goin' pretty good.

And last but not least, the second cutest knitter ever ... with the harlot. (hmmm, now does she mean "the second cutest knitter ever with The Yarn Harlot"?? OR? Is Stephanie the "second cutest knitter ever". Hmmmmmm??? :))

Just call me "Chins"

Anyway, thanks to Stephanie for providing such a great time! She's just so down to earth and frickin' hilarious that you've just got to love her!

You can find ANYTHING on Craigslist!!!

Y'all, I LOVE Craigslist! You can find simply anything! Check this out!

VERY COMFORTABLE BOOK SHELVE - $69

Reply to: see below
Date: 2006-09-06, 8:32AM PDT

Key features:
Adjustable feet for stability on uneven floors.
Cross brace included.

Product dimensions:
Width: 66 7/8 "
Depth: 13 "
Height: 62 1/4 "

Please call at 360-241-xxxx


Cuz that's what I'm talkin' about. There's nothing I love more than coming home after a long, difficult day at the office, changing into my old, worn pjs, grabbing up my tv remote and maybe some ice-cream (what?), and then sprawling out to relax on my bookshelf (errr, I mean "book shelve").

But do you know how difficult it is to find a comfortable one? Yeah, not so easy. Which makes this "very comfortable" one for only $69 a screamin' deal, I'm thinkin'!

????

I'm ready for my closeup, General Mills.

So there is something about Honey Nut Cheerios that CJ can NOT get enough of.

Back when she was a youngster, she'd come staggering out every morning, still groggily wiping morning sleep from her eyes, as soon as she heard me pour my bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. And we would sit and share and life was good. (this was obviously pre-kitty-liver-disease-diagnosis)

But I've not had HNC for years and years. Just happened to get the hankering the other day.

But, apparently, CJ has not forgotten them. Because one whiff and she was on me like flies on poop!

Just look at this pupil-dilated, hypnotic stare into the bowl*. You can just feel her willing that last cheerio to leap into her mouth.

"Come to me, you little honeyed tidbit of goodness"

And normally CJ abides by the rules. Ya know, the "no taking food not offered" rule. She can stare at me. She can stare at the food. She can even reach her paw out to cutely remind me that she'd like something. But there is NO taking the food off of my plate. Or outta my bowl.

Uh yeah.

Apparently, that rule goes right out the window when HNCs are involved. Because I turn my head for one minute and.........

Bad kitty.

And then, and THEN ... she had the audacity to give me the "what? I didn't do nuthin'" look.

Which may have been more effective without the incriminating evidence on her face.

Yeah, bad, bad kitty.

"Hello, my name is CJ and I'm a HoneyNutCheeri-aholic"

General Mills ... I'm thinkin' commercial**. Give me a call!

*I love this picture!
** yeah, I'm pimpin' out my cat! What of it?? :)

Some cat owner is going to have a very high water bill

Check out this link that my mom sent me. Too cute:

Toilet Junkie

It's funny because Emma has been fascinated with the toilet since I moved to my new condo too. (She hasn't been flushing it, mind you ... she ain't that sharp ... but she has been hanging over the rim looking into the bowl whenever I flush it). I've been wanting to take a picture but by the time I get my camera she has been distracted by something else. (hmmmm. Perhaps this A.D.D. stuff is contagious??? :))

Sky

A picture I took while driving* to a friend's house several weeks ago. Isn't that sky great?

*unless you're a police officer. In which case I was definitely NOT fumbling around for and with my camera while driving. Nope, I was most definitely pulled over to the side of the road all safe and sound like! Or, better yet.... I took it while standing on my front porch. If'n I had a front porch. Yeah, yeah ... that's the ticket (wait, who said "ticket"????)

God Bless The USA

So I found a quirky yet profound message on the underside of my Sobe cap this morning. See?

"Good luck is the result of trying again."

Isn't that interesting? I like it. Fits in with my "you can make your own destiny" type thinking.

Of course, then I read the fine print .... (isn't there always fine print?).... and then I REALLY had to sit back and ponder.

"Only valid in the USA". Hmmmmm. (*insert head scratch*)

Which kinda makes one wonder just what good luck is the result of in say .... Australia?

How about in Brazil??

Or, on the flip side, what happens when you try again in Turkey?

Seriously ...inquiring minds want to know!

(or perhaps ... just MY mind!) :)

Ooh, look! .... something shiny!

I'm getting nothing done at the condo, folks. NOTHING.

Tons of projects .... nothing at all getting finished. I've self-analyzed and realized I think it's because I have A.D.D. Either that, or I'm absolutely senile.

Why do I say that, you ask?!! Well, let me give you a brief glimpse into The Chaotic Condo Life Of Kat. Here's a snapshot of my time one morning this past weekend:

[Enter with Kat in master bedroom]

(*Kat spots moving box of packed toiletries sitting in bedroom*)

"Time to unpack this box of bathroom supplies which has been sitting in my bedroom since I moved in. Now where did I put the scissors so I can open it? Hmmm, I'm guessing downstairs in the kitchen. Either on the counter or in the drawer."

(*Enters hallway on the way downstairs. Spots CJ sitting at top of stairs*).

"Well, hiya CJ. How goes it? Oh, are you hungry? Okay, come on, let's get you a treat."

(*continues down stairs and into kitchen with cat following. Spots painting supplies in entryway*)

"Okay, my major goal today..... To paint the dining room. That's going to take awhile so the sooner I get started the better. I'll need the ladder for that. Where's that? Oh yeah, upstairs. But let's be efficient, is there anything from downstairs that needs to go upstairs that I can take with me while I'm heading up anyway??"

(*walks into living room to check. Spots unopened bag of cat litter that had been previously brought in from the car and not yet stored away yet*)

"Damn, that's right ... I'm in desperate need of completely changing out the catboxes. I should do that right now before I forget."

(*heads to kitchen to get almost full kitchen trash bag to use for litter so can then take all trash at once out to dumpster*)

(*takes trash container from under kitchen sink, removes its trash bag, places in new bag and puts empty trash container back under sink*)

"Hmmm, while I'm at it, I should throw out those couple of items going bad in the fridge."

(*opens fridge*)

"Oh man, I'm hungry... I haven't had breakfast yet so I should probably eat. Maybe I'll do that first before I start dealing with yucky cat litter."

(*puts trash bag down in kitchen, washes hands at sink, then goes back to fridge and ponders food options*)

(*grabs leftover pizza from fridge (what?) and a Starbucks bottled frap (double "what"??? :), tosses a small snippet of chicken to CJ, then heads to living room to eat*)

"Yippee skippee, while I eat I can watch the episode of Monk I missed last night" (shut it)

(*grabs remotes and tracks down Monk episode to watch*)

(*watches Monk*)

(*as well as maybe the episode of Psych*) (seriously, shut it! ;))

(*turns off tv*)

"Okay, now what was I doing?"

(*confusedly looks around and spots empty shelving which should hold cds*)

"Cool, now that the living room is painted I can fill those shelves with my cds and movies. I think those are packed in a box upstairs in the office"

(*heads upstairs*)

(*before entering office, glance in master bedroom and notice pile of laundry that needed to be done*)

"Well, before I start shelving the cds, I might as well get a load of wash started! Cuz me .... all about the efficiency!!! And that way I'll be getting two things done at once! Whoo hoooo!"

(*enters master but before grabbing laundry sees box of toiletries*)

"Dang it! ... that's right .... I was going to unpack that real quick. All I needed was the scissors! What a dork! I WILL finish something today!"

(*jogs downstairs and into kitchen*)

(*but before locating scissors, almost trips over bag of garbage left in the middle of the floor*)

"Crap, that's right ... I need to get rid of that. But I think I have a few things in the fridge to toss in there first..."

(*opens fridge. Sees CJ's bottle of pills in there.*)

"Sorry, kitty ... first up ... I need to give you your pills for today."

(*tries to reach down to pick up CJ but CJ has heard the "p" word and makes a dash for the living room*)

(*starts heading off after CJ until ....................[insert sound of phone ringing off in the distance]*)

"Crap! My cell phone! Where did I put that??"

(*races upstairs and traces source of ringing to purse which is sitting beside the bed. Furiously digs through purse but can't find phone before ringing stops.*)

"GAHHHHH! I REALLY need to clean out my purse!!!!"

(*Finally finds phone and sees that "unknown caller" was the dialer. Waits a few heartbeats but phone does not indicate any voicemails being left. DAMNIT!*)

(*Plops down on floor and dumps out purse to start the purse cleaning process. Hears cell phone beep*)

(*Looks over and notices that the cell phone is warning about a low battery*)

"Dang it .... I better get this phone charging since I don't have a landline. Now where did I put that cell phone charger?? It COULD be downstairs in the kitchen. OR was it left on the master bath's counter??"

(*Gets up and walks into master bath area to check. Doesn't find the charger but MAN does that sink need to be cleaned*)

"Before I go downstairs to plug in the cell, I might as well clean this sink real fast. I know I've seen that cleaner recently ..... Is that in the other bathroom??"

(*Puts cellphone down on counter and walks out of master and starts heading over to the second bathroom. While in hallway, glances into office and see the ladder*)

"That's RIGHT ... I MUST paint! That's going to take awhile! I'd better get that started!"

(*Enters office and grabs the ladder. Takes ladder downstairs in through the living room and spots the bag of cat litter*)

"DAMNIT! I REALLY need to change those cat boxes! But before I do that I need to grab the trash bag from the kitchen and I really should dump those couple of items from the fridge. Then I can just dump the litter as well into that trash bag and get it all out at once! Ya know .... cuz I'm all about efficiency!!"

(*Puts ladder down in dining room and enters kitchen. Before reaching trash bag, notices cellphone charger sitting on desk*)

"GAHHHH! My cellphone! I REALLY need to plug that in! I'd better do that first ... ya know, before I forget!......."

(*Grabs cell charger and sees paint samples purchased the day before sitting next to it.*)

"SWEET! I've been meaning to see if this paint color will work in the second bathroom. I can take this upstairs while I'm at it and save myself a trip."

(*Grabs paint sample and heads upstairs. Decides to pop into the second bathroom real quick to get an impression of how that paint will look. Puts cell charger on bathroom counter and holds paint sample to wall. Thinks the sample looks pretty good but won't be able to really tell until a patch is painted on the wall and left to dry. Decides to grab a paint brush from downstairs to do so. But before can leave the bathroom Emma hops on the counter*)

"Well, heya, Kitty-kitty ... you want to be brushed?"

(*Puts paint sample down on bathroom counter next to cell charger and grabs kitty brush from under sink. Proceeds to brush Emma*)

(*While brushing Emma, glances into master bedroom and spots pile of laundry*)

"That's right ... the laundry ... GAHHHHHHH ....I was meaning to start that!"

(*Finishes brushing Emma and walks into master to grab laundry. Does so and heads downstairs to the washing machine. Places laundry in washing machine and sees that there is plenty of room for some additional items. Decides it would be more efficient to grab more items before starting the washer. Exits laundry room and starts towards the stairs to find more items. Spies CJ trying to look inconspicous*)

"Hey now, kitty ... we still need to do your pill. Come onnnnn"

(*Scoops up CJ and heads into kitchen. Places her on counter and pills her. Spots scissors trying to hide under the mail sitting on the counter next to CJ. Remembers was looking for the scissors ... only at this point ... doesn't remember why! Looks around the area hoping something will jog the "scissor" memory .... spots the trash bag, the laundry room door, the bag of cat litter and a bunch of painting supplies. Suddenly feels overwhelmed! Decides to take a break and read.*)

And such is life nowadays, folks! This is why the condo is not yet painted. Nor unpacked. And why my cellphone may often be dead. :)

Good news is ......... I may be losing weight .... ya know, what with all the stair climbing and all! :)

I told you ... don't call me "Junior"!!

Okay, last "flicks on the bricks" for this summer. Who can name this movie? It's one of my favorites!

Speaking of favorites, I wanted these people to be my new best friends while watching the movie on Friday night. But alas, they kept this two tiered stash of Movie Munchety Goodness all to themselves! (Selfish bastards!!!!) :)

One two-hour movie, two people, a week's worth of munchies. That's my kinda people! :)

Damn tempting to want to sneak a cookie or five when they weren't looking, let me tell you. Because I was right there (as you can tell from my photo). But I had my Goody Two-Shoes Hat on that night so I didn't. Sigh. Luckily I had free popcorn, an entertaining movie, and a great movie crowd to keep me out of trouble! Had the movie been something like "Gigli" or "Howard the Duck" ........these folks may not have been so lucky! :)

Bees and water and cats ... oh my!

So I just received a voicemail message from one of my new condo neighbors.

Y'all ... I got a little nervous right off the bat when I saw the call was from a new neighbor because normally calls from neighbors who don't know you means trouble, like ... your condo is on fire!!!!!!

Right?!

But I took a deep breath and listened to the voicemail and must admit ...... my level of anxiety wasn't GREATLY reduced afterwards!

GAH!

This is why. The message went something akin to:

NN: "Hi there. Just wanted to let you know that ....."

(*insert cellphone static*)

NN: "... bees on the deck ...."

(* static*)

(*static*)

(*static*)

(*static*)

NN: "....your cats....."

(*static*)

NN: "..... so I just put water on it...."

(*static*)

NN: "... that stressed them...."

(*static*)

NN: ".........call me ....."

(*static*)

(*end of message*)

WTF???

(* insert Kat freaking out!*)

I mean, a Bee Issue is better than a Fire Issue. But why's he talking about my cats with regard to this?? They should be inside!! And he put water on WHAT exactly?? Cuz he doesn't say "them" to indicate the bees, nor does he say "them" to indicate the cats. So ....... ?????

...... I called him back and found out the missing holes to the story. It seems that the entire message went something like this:

NN: "Hi there. Just wanted to let you know that I was spraying for bees on the deck above me because they were starting to build a hive. When I was finished, I noticed that a lot of the chemical was on my deck flooring and when I looked down I could see that some was on yours too. So I didn't know if your cats went outside at this point but just in case I wanted to thin out the chemical on your decking so I just put water on it. Once it dries it should be fine and the cats won't be affected. But I don't know if my doing that stressed them out. I just wanted to give you a heads up. Call me if you have any questions. Talk to you later."

LOVE YOU, New Neighbor! Cingular, not lovin' quite so much!

Though I do think I'll be using "so I just put water on it" as my new catchphrase nowadays. Just cracks me up!

"Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. So I just put water on it!" (heh)

(yeah, I know. I'm easily amused. What can I say?? :))

Uhhh, I'll pay you $5 to keep them.

HOLY COW! Y'all aren't gonna believe this! Check this out.........

This is a coffee table and two end tables for sale today on Craigslist. Do you KNOW how much the seller is asking for them??!!! Can you guess??

Did I hear a $100? How about $10? Or maybe a whopping $225??

Well, y'all would be so far off. Take your guess and add in the cost of a condo in North Carolina and you'd be closer.

They are asking a whopping SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for those hideous pieces of furniture. Can you believe that? I mean, truly ... IF they were worth that amount why the hell are they being sold on Craigslist?! Don't you think a rare furniture dealer should be handling the sale? Maybe Christie's? Something!

SHEESH! Some people's children, I tell ya.

I will say this for those tables though ... they would go awful nice with that $3700 couch set, dontcha think??! :)

p.s. To the seller of this "pretty yellow dresser" ....

I'll give you the "dresser" part of that subject header. But "pretty" ... oh no, no, my friends. That ain't pretty. And trying to dress up your sales pitch by also calling it "shabby chic" is just too much. I know "shabby chic" ... and that ain't it. "Shabby", yes. Not a "chic" in sight.

I mean, don't get me wrong, this dresser certainly has "very cute" potential. I love the lines of it. And if I had the time or the gumption I'd take on refinishing it myself if it was actually a quality/sturdy dresser. But as is ... I wouldn't be surprised to see this sitting on someone's curb with a "free" sign on it. I mean, seriously, does that drawer even close???!

Been working so hard, out punching my card

So last Friday I took a night off from ... well, moving in, unpacking, painting, spending money, worrying .. ya know, pretty much just my general state of affairs lately :) ... and decided to head over with a friend to Portland's Living Room .... more formally known as Pioneer Courthouse Square.

They do the COOLEST thing during the summer. And that is they show free movies on this big blow-up movie screen after dusk on Friday nights! They call it "Flicks on the Bricks"! Everyone just brings sand chairs, or blankets, or sits on one of the many brick stairs and kicks back to watch the show!

I went Friday and it was AWESOME! The place was absolutely packed! Vendors were set up to sell munchies. And the American Express people were even handing out free boxes of popcorn! (gotta luv free!)

I wish I had better pictures for y'all so you could see how absolutely packed this place was! And the crowd was such a hoot! There are places in this movie in which one can spot men's bare naked arses during a locker room scene and all the girls in the audience hooted whenever one would appear in the background! Flippin' hysterical! (err, maybe you had to be there to fully appreciate it! :))

Anyway, here's my attempt at the shot of the crowd. I was towards the front and the place was filled all the way to the columns you can (kinda) see in the back.

err, my apologies to those of you intently watching the movie Friday night who suddenly had a great flash of light go off in your eyes. Oops .. my bad!

Now my question to y'all is .... who can name this 80's movie based on this scene???

Come onnnnn, you ladies out there ... you know you know this!!!! If you don't, perhaps the title of this post helps?? :)

This Friday is the last movie showing there for the summer! Portlanders, do yourself a favor and go check it out. It's a cool community event!

Case in point

The ad on Craigslist for this couch used both the words "gorgeous" and "antique" (as well as "low profile"). And yet .... look!!!!!!!!

Is it just me, or do y'all not think that the word "hideous" should have been in there somewhere?! Just sayin' is all.

I need to get out more!

Because y'all ... I am shopping for home furnishings and accessories, etc and finding the weirdest stuff! (Seriously, God bless Craigslist!)


Take, for instance, this:

Which is Oh So Wrong on SOOO many levels. But my main issue being ..... ewwwww. How unsanitary! I can't imagine the bacteria partying in that there seat cover. Cuz, bad enough it's on the lid .... but on the seat as well! To SIT ON??!! ARGHHHHHHHHHH! The Monk in me will have nightmares about that one.

This, on the other hand, is sheer brilliance! And I never knew these existed! It's like a litter box for dogs!

And it has a tray at the bottom that is removable so the urine can be dumped. AND ... once your dog is potty trained with it using the real sod they provide, you can switch to a synthetic grass that doesn't need to be watered and continually replaced! It's brilliant, I tell ya ... brilliant!

Of course, they also had this picture on the site which just cracks me up! Can you just see the snarl on the dog's face. It's like .... "do you MIND ... I'm trying to go potty here!"

So you don't think I've got toilets on the brain today, I also found this!

Which, don't get me wrong, I LUV me the papassan chairs. However, I take issue with that fabric. And that the folks in their ad say they paid $125 for it! $125! Are ya kiddin' me?! That means they bought it with that fabric ON PURPOSE. And paid retail! I mean, if it's $10 at a yard sale and you plan to throw a blanket over it then MAYBE ... otherwise .... not so much.

Of course, I'm not sure why I'm so surprised. I've been looking for a dining room table and clicking with hopeful anticipation (ie "will this be the one"???) on Craigslist ads with subject titles such as "Drop dead gorgeous dining room set!" and "Elegant Wood Dining table" only to find utter CRAP! I mean, I can find nicer stuff in dumpsters, folks ... what the HELL are these people thinking?? That's false advertising, I tell ya! The same goes to the folks who willy-nilly throw out the term "antique" and "vintage" and "beautifully aged". Damn you, people! I'm wasting clicks on your ads! Call a "spade" a "spade". Or, as is generally the case, a "piece of crap" a "piece of crap"!! Because that's what I'm finding!!!

Ah well, on a better note ... I am moved in! I have a "new" car! My new laptop is (still) up and running. Nothing broke this weekend (whoo hooo!). I have finally had a chance to start painting! And last, but certainly not least, T1 and her hubby had a healthy and beautiful baby boy! Whoo hooooo! And for all I hope to have pictures soon!

Hope everyone else is doing great!

It's official ... The Universe hates me!

Either that or It just figured that we weren't quite even yet. Because .... have y'all noticed that my theory about having my computer up and running by late Saturday so I could update y'all on the move didn't quite pan out??? Anyone?

Uh yeah.

Now one might think that that was because I was so happily ensconced in my new condo, all moved over, set up, and unpacked, that I was too busy idly sitting on my back deck enjoying the view while sipping margaritas that blogging didn't even occur to me.

If so, one would be wrong.

The more likely scenario would be that even though I had the MAJORITY of my crap (and boy howdy ... I didn't realize just how much crap I own) moved over ... not all was. And so the move continued over until Sunday.

But, regardless, come Saturday night, even with me and the cats trying to navigate amongst all the boxes of crap, and too tired to see straight, STILL felt the need to get the computer system up and running. (ya know, priorities!)

Now Buck had set the majority of it up Saturday afternoon for me so all I had to do was locate the power cord and plug it in. Which I did. So man was I EXCITED. Turned that puppy on, the lights came on, it started booting, I sit back pleased as punch, when suddenly I hear........."ZAP, crackle, crackle, pshhhhhhhh". Which was followed immediately by a dead computer and the distinct scent of burning electronics.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chalk another one up for The Universe.

Sigh. So my "spare" time the last couple of days went to locating a new computer as opposed to unpacking and/or finding a new car (which I'm still working on).

I mean, don't get me wrong. My computer was older and was just a desktop. And I've been wanting a laptop so that me and my lazy ass can sit on my couch watching movies or whathaveya while happily surfing the net. However, the unexpected expense did not amuse me. At all. Ya know, because I seem to be having quite a few "unexpected expenses" nowadays.

Oh well, the good news is that at least The Universe provided me with two young hot studs to schlep boxes for me during the move. With my luck lately I was expecting Joe Buttcrack and friend to show up Saturday morning. So that was good at least, right? Right?! I don't know if it was New Laptop Expense Good .... but it was good nonetheless. And had I been able to figure out where I had packed my camera, I'da snapped a picture or fifty to share. But alas, you'll just have to trust me on this one. :)

Okay, back to looking for a car. Errrr ... I mean ... back to work! Back to work!!! :) More to tell later.

Where's the Tylenol??

Alright, folks. Here's the latest:

The movers are scheduled to arrive tomorrow at my house at o'dark hundred hours (the only time they could fit me in)

However, I have not finished packing.

Also, I spoke to the hardwood floor guys this morning and they were "planning" on being finished with the hardwood flooring installation into the condo by "5 or 6" tonight. Even though the installation part of the hardwood flooring was going to take "two days" ... and they started on Tuesday.

I have carpet cleaners scheduled to clean the condo carpets this afternoon which means instead of being at my house packing after work today ... I will be waiting around a condo filled with workerbees (hence, I won't be able to use the time productively to clean it!) for the carpet guys to show "sometime between 3pm - 6pm". Sigh.

I am ignoring the fact that I need to do something about the rock chip in the rental car. (*sticks fingers in ears and closes eyes tight* ... "la la la ... I don't see or hearrrrr youuuuu")

And to top it all off, the insurance company left me a message saying that they are considering my car a "economical total loss". And they offered me a settlement. Which I'm attempting to negotiate. But, regardless, now that the settlement offer is out there, they will only cover the cost of the rental car for 5 more days. Which means, I really should buy a car this weekend. You know, in my "spare" time!

Have I mentioned that I haven't finished packing?????

Ah well, the good news in this is that ..... my garage door remote works! Whoo hoooo! :)

Send good thoughts! (or perhaps alcohol?? :))

p.s. The HOPE is that the move goes flawlessly (hey, I heard that snickering!) and my computer is up and running again by noon tomorrow. However, based on my recent run of luck, you may next hear from me on Wednesday ... when I go back to work and have access to that computer! Just sayin'! :)

Sometimes you've just gotta laugh.

That's right, Mr Universe ... I said "laugh"!

So I'm driving my rental car into work this morning, when I hear "WHACK". With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I scan the windshield and find this:

Huge rock chip in windshield

So I just started laughing. Because really, what are you going to do?

(Well, I know what I SHOULD do. And that's invest in a really good helmet, I'm thinkin'. And maybe some knee and elbows pads! And y'all might want to keep at least a 100 feet away from me for awhile. Ya know, for your own protection. Because it looks like I may be in for one wild ride! :))

Hookah ... get your hookah here!

The Condo Seller is gone!!! It's official!!!! Whoo hooooooo! :)

But it wasn't easy. Here's the scoop:

So ya know how I said he was supposed to be out at noon on Saturday?? Uh yeah. Here is his idea of "being out of the condo by noon on Saturday".

I get a phone call from my realtor around 11:30 am Saturday morning ....

R.A.: "I've got some good news and some bad news."

Me: "Ruh roh"

R.A.: "The good news is that The Seller says he is out of the condo and the keys are under the mat."

Me: (*insert stunned pause*) "What? .....really??"

R.A.: "The bad news is that he couldn't find anyone to help him move so he just put everything into your garage and doesn't quite know when he can get it out of there. He thinks maybe that won't be today."

Me: "Are you KIDDING ME???!!"

Sigh.

I mean, how bizarre is that, folks?!! The man was able to move the stuff all the way to the garage (it isn't attached to the condo) and yet for some bizarre reason can't walk it an additional 5 feet to the back of a Uhaul truck?! Explain the logic in that one to me, would ya please?!

Anyway, I was so tied up trying to coordinate a rental car (see: Curveballs) and a towing company to take my car to a repair shop that I didn't have time to get over to the condo til about 6pm anyway. So I didn't pitch too much of a hissy fit. Just told my realtor to get HIS realtor over there to move his ass out!

Around 6pm, my friend S and I head over there. I'm praying that The Condo Seller is gone.

God apparently didn't get my memo.

We pull up and find The Condo Seller shuffling stuff around in MY garage. Now folks, the dude didn't even have stuff in boxes. There was just a ton of little crap ... like knick knacks and vases and books,etc just piled haphazardly around. WTF?

He spots me (GAHHHHHHH) so comes over to chat. Well, I say "chat" but really it was just to whine at me about how he's having anxiety attacks and couldn't clean the place (sigh) and how he really tried to be out but he called 5 different friends and they all gave him excuses as to why they couldn't help him move (there's a shock?!). But he swears up and down he's doing his best. He also assures me that the condo IS indeed moved out and good to go.

Right.

So S and I head to the condo and on initial inspection it does look moved out. Dirty ....but moved out. Until I made the mistake of opening drawers, cupboards, dishwashers and the fridge. GAHHHHH!

Folks, there was STUFF. And a lot of it was just crap. But some I decide to take up to the seller and plop it down right outside the garage and say "here". Much to his dismay. (hehehe). The rest of it I planned on trashing ... but left it for the time being since I was in NO HURRY to touch it.

Ya know, like the loofah sponge thingy that was still hanging in the shower (ARGHHHHHH).

Or the nasty bath mat which sits in front of the toilet! (*insert major heebie-jeebie shudder*)

Or the suspicious looking green stuff found in baggies in the fridge. This COULD be say ...oregano ...

... or MAY have belonged with this item ....

... which I found in the storage closet.

Either way, it is now in the dumpster ... hopefully without any of my fingerprints on it! ;)

Anyway, S and I left everything be. I could have insisted The Condo Seller get his butt back in there and remove all that crap himself. But, not only was he looking completely haggard, the bottom line was that I simply didn't want to give him a reason to go back in there! WHO KNOWS how long it would have taken him to finish the job!

p.s. I received a phone call from my realtor on Sunday morning saying that The Condo Seller had called his realtor around midnight to say he was out of the garage! So I am officially Condo Seller Free. Even had the locks changed on Sunday (he only gave me one of the keys! GRRR!). Halle-frickin'-lujah!!!!

Curveballs

So y'all know how The Universe likes keep things balanced, right?!

And you also know just how good The Universe has been to me lately? ... what with my trying to coordinate the sale and purchase of my house and new condo?

Plus schedule contractors, find supplies, schedule appraisers, coordinate move dates, blah, blah, blahdey-blah?

I mean, really ... the list has been ENDLESS with regard to everything I've needed to have go JUST SO.

And, amazingly, it HAS. I have had phenomenal luck lately. Even taking into account the minor glitches along the way (see: "GDO Remote" Saga. And "Get the F Outta My Condo, Mr Condo Seller" Saga)

And, granted, I have had to work my ASS off to keep things running as smoothly as possible and to really take charge and stay on the ball to make sure what needed to get done, got done.

But really .... even with all my hard work, and all the good wishes of friends and family that have been floating out there lately, I have undeniably been phenomenally lucky as well. No doubt about it.

Which brings us back to my "So y'all know how The Universe likes to keep things balanced, right?!"

Uh yeah.

The house/condo deal closed officially Friday at 5pm. Not less than an hour later .........................

THANKFULLY no-one was injured. Though the other driver is uninsured. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Y'all, my baby. :( This is one car that has not just been a mode of transportation. I am emotionally attached to it. And the insurance company is saying that they will probably total it*.

Which just makes me sad, sad, sad.

Not to mention financially screwed. And to think just Friday afternoon I called for the payoff on it. (doesn't that just suck?)

Mr. Universe, I'd like to think that makes us even now. Pretty please? With cherries on top???


*WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The GDO Remote Saga - Part 937

So I purchased a brand-spanking new 9V battery for the Garage Door Opener's remote yesterday evening JUST IN CASE the THREE other 9V batteries I tried on it were, for some bizarre reason, dead. The new 9V battery did not do the trick (I was kinda relieved by that .... would have been pretty dang embarrassing to have had this GDO saga dragging out for SOOO long only to have THAT as the solution!)

Anyway, Buck came by later that evening and had me open the remote so he could see the pins and such for himself. (which also included much touching and tapping and wiggling of parts ... such as Boys tend to do (*insert Tim "The Toolman" Taylor grunts in here*)).

Finding no obvious issues with the remote, he then grabbed my ladder and clambered up to the actual GDO to take a looksee. After viewing every possible angle of it, including the parts hidden by the easily removable parts, I hear "huh". Followed eventually by "there doesn't seem to be an easy way into this thing".

Which amused me to no end, let me tell you ....... what with this little ole chica having come to the same conclusion herself.

But THEN ... ah ha ... he decided to start messing with the wall unit of the remote. This kinda freaked me out because up to this point that wall unit still worked to open and close the GDO. (Which would make it the ONLY thing that worked to open and close the GDO). And with it being so dang old and decrepit looking, the thought of him mucking with it (and unintentionally breaking it) did cross my mind (sorry Buck). But I played nurse to his surgeon ("scalpel", "scalpel" .... "screwdriver", "screwdriver") and let him crack it open.

And in it .... we found ...... (*insert drum roll here*) ........... PINS!

Yes. we. did!!!

Now don't y'all think that would have been a handy tidbit for either of the Sears workerbees to mention to me?? You know, that the pins are in the WALL UNIT? Anyone?? Anyone?? Bueller?? Bueller?

YES. That little piece of information would have been DAMN handy people. Instead I'm wasting time looking at the formidable bolts on the actual GDO thinking "there is NO way I'll ever get that put back together correctly even IF I can get it taken apart!" :)

So anyway, Buck read off the settings of the pins on the wall unit while I checked them to the settings of the pins on the remote control and, would you believe, #4 was wrong!?! I do not know how! Because I was SOOO careful when I was changing out the battery because the motherboard looked so decrepit I was scared to even mildly jostle it. And yet ... I can't imagine that it somehow flipped while ensconced within the remote hanging unassumingly from my car's visor all those long months ago.

But REGARDLESS of how it happened .... the IMPORTANT thing is that once #4 was switched back on the remote .... THE REMOTE WORKED!

IT WORKED, PEOPLE, IT WORKED!!!! YAY!!!! I can now officially meet the conditions set out by the buyer of my house. (WHEW! ... cuz y'all remember just how important this GDO remote is to him!)

Actually, officially ... he is now the OWNER of the house. It closed yesterday. And the word is that my condo is definitely closing today .... even if I have an unwanted tenant for awhile longer! :)

Which I'm hoping isn't for TOO long.

Nay ... I'm going to BELIEVE it isn't for too long. That's right ..... he WILL be out by noon tomorrow!

AND the flooring contractors are showing up bright and early Monday morning just like they said they would!

(How's that for living in a fantasy world??? (hey! ... it might be the ONLY place I have to live soon so give me a break here, would ya??! :))

p.s. THANK YOU, BUCK!!!!

Another fly in the ointment

Soooooo .... unbeknownst to me .... there has been this whole melodrama going on behind my back with regard to the purchase of my condo. In that .... the seller tried to back out this week.

Can you imagine??!!


But my realtor made sure to keep it from me .... even asking the title people and my lender not to say anything (hehe) .. .because she didn't want me to worry (I say "worry" ... but I believe my realtor actually used the more accurate term "FREAK OUT"!). Because ya know, my house is SOLD ... recorded TODAY ..... and I need to be out in a few days (I negotiated some free rent-back in order to get some work done on the condo before I move in) .... and I would have had NOWHERE to go.

Here's the scoop as I'm hearing it now:

The Seller went in to sign the closing documents this week and found out that he owes on a prepayment penalty for paying off his loan early. He freaked out and said "no sale!"

Isn't that crazy? What are we talkin'? ... maybe two grand?

My guess is he probably tried to pass this expense off to me ... or to the two realtors (mine and his). But they weren't having none of that (it is HIS responsibility to know the terms of his own loans, for goodness sakes)

And somehow they managed to get him in to sign the papers again.

Unfortunately, during Signing Attempt #2 he received a phone call from some schmuck of his on the east coast who has been "advising" him all along in the sale of this condo (and really, causing many problems during earlier negotiations) who told him to put the pen downnnn and walk awayyyy from the closing documents. And The Seller did!

More conversations with both realtors and The Seller ... and quite possibly some mention of a lawsuit and The Seller being left with NO equity whatsoever ..... and he agreed to come in to sign the papers for a THIRD time.

To which he did. FINALLY. Like only two hours ago!!!!

OMG!

But WAIT ... there's MORE. So now that he finally signed all the papers, we can still close as scheduled on the condo tomorrow. Which means that The Seller must turn over possession to me by 5pm.

Right.

So NOW The Seller is saying there is NO WAY he'll be out by tomorrow at 5pm (as has been the plan for the past THREE WEEKS). He wants til Saturday at noon.

Y'all ... this man has some wool rugs, a few floor pillows, a wood slat thing with a futon mattress on it for his couch, a bed, and a hookah (which I'm thinkin' wasn't just used for tobacco). That's IT! That shit can be moved out in an HOUR. BUT NOOOO. He says it can't be done but if I can just give him til noon Saturday he'll be all out!

Bullshit.

This man does not play nice. And he's been flying his Freak Flag ultra high since the first day I met him (I met him the first time I viewed the condo with my realtor. He's so paranoid he wouldn't allow a lockbox to be on his door so either he or his realtor ONLY could show his house.). He's a crazy one, I tell ya. And you can't trust anything he says. Even his realtor knows this (and refuses to do business with him again)

So I KNOW that even if I give him til noon Saturday ... he will completely and utterly take advantage of the situation and won't be out. I KNOW this. I would show up Saturday at noon and he will be spouting lame excuses as to why NOTHING has been removed yet.

And granted, it's not like I HAVE to be in there this weekend. It would be nice. So I can frickin' start disinfecting that place for starters (as I said, I've met him .... there will be MUCH disinfecting going on). But he won't be out.

So now I'm not so sure what to do. I've spoken to my realtor and said I would graciously allow him the extra time. BUT. I want something SIGNED that says he's either out by noon Saturday or he starts owing me big bucks for every hour he's late. I figure, with him, money is a HUGE incentive.

The problem is .... what are the chances he'll sign that kind of document?

Slim to none, my friends. Slim to none.

So we'll see what happens. Does he:

a) do the right thing and get his shit out when he was originally supposed to?
b) get his shit out by noon on Saturday?
c) leave by noon on Saturday but TRASH the place?
d) drag his move out over the course of the entire weekend .... giving new yet lamer excuses every hour?
e) refuse to leave? Ever.

Any guesses?

On pins and needles

Well, on pins anyway.

So Buck and I were hanging out Monday night and he graciously agreed to go with me to Sears to continue working on The GDO Remote Issue. What with the house "closing" this week and all.

This time I went prepared .... I had the model number of the GDO written down!!

We went to a different Sears.

Apparently, this Sears could give a rat's ass about the GDO model number.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So I approach a workerbee in the GDO section and wail, "My GDO does not have a shiny red button to press to recode my remote after changing the battery!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" (or something to that affect)

Buck surreptitiously moved away and pretended to not know me.

The workerbee fought hard to resist the urge to flee, yet replied, "Does your remote have pins?"

I stared confusedly.

She elaborated, "Ya know, pins?!! Like little switches you can set to 'on' or 'off'??"

I thought hard and realized that I had no frickin' idea!

I mean, I HAD opened up the remote to change the battery. And had seen the motherboard-thingy (I believe that's the technical name for it). And I remember transistors and much soldering on the motherboard-thingy ... but I don't remember pins!

I said, "I don't know if there were pins or not. BUT (*a ha!*) I have brought with me the model number" (*insert digging in pocket and proudly extracting yellow sticky note with GDO model number written on it*)

She said, "Oh, we don't go by the model number here. We used to have some book but we don't any more. Do you have the remote?"

Me: "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Workerbee: "Okay. Well IF your remote has pins, then maybe they got switched when you were changing the battery. You'll want to compare them to the pins on your GDO and just make sure that the two match. If they do and the new battery doesn't do the trick, then you need to get a new remote."

Me (thinking): "Pins on my GDO??????? Where the HELL are the pins on my GDO??? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Me (saying): "So in case pins are not the issue, which new remote would I need? I can just buy it now and save myself a trip to another Sears if/when the pin configuring trick doesn't work."

Workerbee: "That will depend .... if you had the remote with you, I could figure it out for you."

Me: "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

So I slunk home and checked out my remote. And by George, there ARE pins. If'n you turn the motherboard-thingy over. See?

However, I'm not seeing pins on my GDO. At least not within the parts I've taken off. No other parts look like they dissassemble easily and so I MAY be hoping that someone (hint, hint, Buck) will come over and check it out for me! (fyi Buck: I'm pencilling you in for Thursday evening! ;))

And so this is where it stands as I see it:

a) perhaps the two "new" batteries I tried are simply dead (they were just sitting in my cupboard). Maybe I should try a brand spanking new battery and all would be well. (hey, it's possible!)

b) the battery now is fine but the remote pins did get skewed when I replaced the battery and no longer match the ones on the GDO. (this one I find unlikely)

c) the remote is dead dead dead regardless of pins and battery. In which case I need to bring the remote (apparently) into that Sears and that chick can then tell me which NEW remote would work the same. (in which case I will probably STILL need to locate the pins on the GDO so that I can set the pins on the new remote to match. UNLESS, the new remotes don't use pins. In which case it seems logical to ask .... then WHAT? Being that my GDO does not have a shiny red magic button. (grrrr))

d) say "fuck it" and keep the house. Sans working remote.

To be continued........

A funny thing happened on the way to selling a house....

So have I mentioned yet that the remote for my garage door opener (GDO) doesn't work??

And hasn't worked for the past couple of months?!? Unbeknownst to my home buyer?!

Yeah, I didn't think so.

My thoughts .... nay, my HOPES ... were that the remote simply needed a new battery. Seems logical, right?

However, having now tried TWO different 9V batteries which I had in stock and neither one bringing the remote back to life ... I'm beginning to get concerned.

Ya know, what with the sale of my house depending on the remote working and all.

Sigh.

So I took the remote down to my local Sears (from which the GDO came) and inquired as to the possible problem.

The very helpful sales clerk asked if I had "recoded" the remote after replacing the battery.

"AH HA", I thought. Recoding. Good. Sounds cheap.

Of course, having no idea what that meant, I gave him the puzzling "what the hell are you talkin' about, Willis??" look.

So he trotted me over to one of the GDOs they had on display and showed me a shiny red button. He's all, "See this? Simply hold down this red button on yours for 5 seconds, then press the "open" button on your remote so it will 'code' that key to open your garage door."

Y'all ... I could NOT have been happier! I thanked the sales clerk profusely and skedaddled home to use my new found knowledge to get this problem resolved. And resolved quick!

Because it sounded easy enough, right?! Just hold down the button for 5 seconds. What could possibly go wrong??

Uh yeah.

Well, I'll TELL you what could go wrong! My ancient model of the frickin' garage door opener HAS NO shiny red button to press. There is NO button, people. Not a red one .... not a blue one .... not even a purple one. No button!

GAH!

So now I have to head BACK to a Sears, GDO model number in hand, and inquire as to how the "recoding" was done in the good ole days before the existence of the shiny red buttons!

Sigh.

Wish me luck.

The Sugar Gods are smiling on me!

Or cursing me with their generosity, depending on how you look at it! ;)

So last night I'm putzing around the house (HOT house, grrrr) thinking "man, I wish I wasn't allergic to grocery shopping because then maybe I'd have some ice-cream or some type of cold dessert to eat right now."

I then proceeded to open up the freezer to stare wistfully into its depth.

Suddenly I realized that all this frozen crap will need to be cleaned out before I move. So I shifted some items around to figure out what the hell was in there* so I'd have an idea of what I would throw out, what I could use prior to moving, and what would need to be moved.

While doing so, I stumbled across ...... are ya ready for this ............ FUDGE!!!!!

That's right, 6 pieces of cold fudge-ety goodness leftover from the holidays!!!! PLUS some kinda chocolate rocky road brittle stuff my sister made which was stored in the same freezer bag.

Y'all ................ do you KNOW how happy that made me and my PMSing self?!!! No, no ... do you?!!!!

I'm tellin' you, you've never seen someone's face light up so much as I did upon the realization that the Sugar Gods had gifted me with FUDGE!

.........


BUT WAIT ... there's more!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walk into work this morning without having had breakfast (again, see "allergic to grocery shopping") and wishfully ask my officemate if he knows if anyone brought in any goodies today. He says he doesn't think so.

BIG SIGH!

But THEN, not 20 minutes later, the office manager walks in to our office and asks me if I think anyone would want donuts this morning! Then trotted off to purchase some when she heard my enthusiastic "HELL YES!"

WHOOO HOOOOOOOO!

Life is good.

Now if only the Hot Celebrity Gods and the Lotto Gods would listen to my wishful musings! ;)

* apparently I'm allergic to cooking as well!

Y'all aren't going to believe this!

It worked!! It worked!!!

I FINALLY have a signed addendum which confirms that the sale is still a "go"!!!! Whoo hoooooooo!

However.

(*insert sound of throat clearing*)

The dude ACTUALLY wrote ... quite literally ... that (click to enlarge):

For those of you unable to read tiny fax-smudged print, the line reads:

"Seller to furnish working garage door opener to the above mentioned address".

AND THEN, as if that wasn't bad enough, the buyer actually added:

"and remote control (working)"

HAHAHAHAHA. God I love that guy.

Because that was it for the addendum after the inspection.

No worries about the corroding plumbing. Nor the faltering deck. Screw the ancient electrical wiring. And the I'm-Older-Than-God Furnace. But wait ...... I will HAVE the garage door opener remote or the sale is OFF!

WTF?! Seriously, just gotta love his priorities.

So anyway, the GOOD NEWS is ... the sale is still on. And we're looking to close next week (ARGH!).

In the meantime, anyone need any doorknobs? Window panes? How about some planks of hardwood flooring? Or house keys? Cuz apparently he doesn't want those (I mean, if he did he would have listed it, right?? :))

Hostile Negotiations

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So I'm busy trying to coordinate the purchase of a new condo with the selling of my current house.

Y'all know how frickin' DIFFICULT that is?!

Especially when you purchase the condo first and then kinda leave it to The Universe to take care of you on the selling of your home in the hopes that it will sell BEFORE you need the equity from it for the down payment on your new condo. (daring much??)

Well, (I don't want to jinx anything) but The Universe MAY like me afterall.

I listed my house a little over a week ago and I had an offer after only 5 days. I've been keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well. The inspection was Sunday. (yes, SUNDAY! And they showed up at 8:12 A.M.!!! (*insert much grumbling*!))

So yesterday, after reviewing the inspection report, the buyer wanted me to drop our agreed upon price by $2500.

I gambled and said "HELL NO". (I know, pretty crazy* considering I need the down payment money by the end of this month.)

After much negotiations between my realtor and his all yesterday afternoon, word is that all is still going through as-is ... without my giving up another $2500 ....... as long as (are you ready for this???)......................I give the new buyer the remote to the garage door opener. (no, I am not kidding you).

Hello, people?! What IS that?! I mean, OF COURSE I was going to give him the remote anyway. I've already told him I'd give him things he hasn't even negotiated for .... like leftover paints and the number for the guy that trims my hedge (heh).

And to me ... the remote GOES with the house. It's not like he has to negotiate for the keys to the front door or anything, ya know?! It's a given ... you buy the house ... you get the keys. AND the remote!

And yet, him ... willing to stop the purchase of a house (after having paid big bucks for an inspection and the appraisal) if I don't have a remote to give him for the garage door opener!!!

That, my friends, is a special kinda crazy. Push comes to shove, I will BUY him a new garage door opener ... with remote. What is that ..... $300 total??

Anyway, I have yet to get the "we're proceeding on the sale of the house" in writing yet ... but now having told my realtor to assure the buyer that I HAVE the remote .....SUPPOSEDLY I will have a signed document today that says we're good to go. (this is where the much finger-crossing would be appreciated!)

Though perhaps I will need to PROVE I have the garage door opener first? And give it to the title company to put into escrow for safe-holding til the sale closes???

Seriously, send good thoughts. I won't be able to relax until I get this in writing. Cuz you just never know when dealing with The Crazies.....

*But in My Crazy Defense, I had already dropped the price a little for him from my asking price knowing that there would be some inspection issues. (It's a 1947 house ... what do you expect?!) And he knew the price drop was because of possible inspection issues ... and not just because I like to give away free money!

I will miss the flowers

I've purchased a condo so I won't have my flower gardens anymore.

I MAY have a couple of places I can plant a few things around my front door ... and will certainly have flower pots on my deck ..... but I will have nothing compared to this:

Isn't that pretty? (*insert sound of me patting myself on the back*) :)

I think I'm mostly ga ga over it because I remember what it looked like when I first moved in:

Just call me "ghetto"

(No, no ... that's the same area ... I SWEAR! See?)

Of course, all kudos go to Ms C for instilling the gardening bug* in me. And for sharing some of her favorite perennials:

Like, the echinecea coneflower. I love this flower. Blooms from now til late fall. Simply gorgeous!

'Magnum'

And the catmint. My kitties LOVE this stuff.

'Walker's Low' catmint in foreground

My daisies (which I love, love, love) are in full bloom and I already have three full bouquets of them throughout my house. And yet .... still all these still to be had!

'Becky' Daisies

Isn't that crazy? I'm fairly certain that is what one might call a "shitload of daisies"!

And these African Daisies which aren't really perennials but which have been known to survive a winter or two.

And last, but not least, the Mexican Feather grasses.

Ms C gave me one or two starts from her yard several years ago. And I now have .... at last count .... 5,642,001 of them. (more prolific than bunnies in heat, I tell ya).

But I love these grasses. And recommend them. Just buy several less than you actually want is all. Just sayin'. ;)


I love me the flowers now! And I will miss them when I move.

However. I will not be missing the dandelions.

Nor the slugs for that matter.

So there is that! ;)

*which, as Monk would say, "is a gift .... and a curse!" :)

Poignancy

So I received the loan documents from my mortgage broker yesterday and it was great to see that he had prefilled a lot of the fields for me. Until I got to this one................

Somehow seeing "Unmarried Woman" pre-printed and in such bold lettering on these legal documents simply hit me wrong last night.

I think this reminds me of the 'Sex and The City' episode in which Miranda was purchasing her first place. She had to keep telling the loan guy "it's just me" when he'd keep asking if she had a husband who would be co-signing .... or if "daddy" would be providing the down payment. And sign additional papers to that effect.

And I understand that on the one hand there is the sense of pride in accomplishing so much on one's own. You know, the selling and purchasing of one's own houses.

And yet, on the other hand............................."It's just me".

Officially.

In black and white.

Just Call Me American Cherry

So I'm shopping for hardwood flooring for the new condo. And so I bopped over to a wholesale hardware flooring warehouse at lunch to check out the samples so I can let my contractor know which hardwood I want.

And all was going well .... la la la, la la la .... until tall, dark, handsome (single? ... no wedding ring) workerbee approached me.

He was Mr Information, answering all my questions with the ease of ... well ... someone that works in hardwoods and knows what he's talking about.

We get to the point in which we're discussing the differences between prefinished hardwood floors (not laminates or engineered ... actual real hardwood simply prefinished) and hardwoods which are installed, sanded and then finished in place. And the only difference that is a minor concern to me is that the prefinished supposedly have a microscopically beveled edge and so you kinda see the groove between boards. (don't fall asleep yet, people .... stay with me now. I'm just giving you the setup here).

So the samples at this showroom are maybe 3' x 2'. Ya know, kinda difficult to really see if the difference between the prefinished and the non-prefinished is going to be an issue for me when all they have to look at are tiny samples.

And so I ask, innocently enough: "Do you know of any public location in the Portland area which has the prefinished so that I can really get a feel for what they look like?" (thinking that maybe he knows of a furniture store or a museum or something which has these prefinished hardwoods so I can compare to what I know hardwoods installed, sanded and finished in place look like)

And Cutie-Patootey replies:"You mean ones which are already laid or just some really good samples? Because I know some great showrooms.."

And I said, "Oh no, I wanna see something LAID!"

Which I thought sounded innocent enough in my head, even with the added emphasis on the word "laid" ....

........until I saw the twinkle in his eyes, that is.

So I quickly added, "ya know, hardwood" in an attempt to keep the conversation on track and cover my mild embarrassment.

Uh yeah. "hard wood". "laid". Yeah, I won't be going back. That that man was able to stifle his laughter still amazes me. Though I think he only managed until me and my American Cherry red face mumbled an exit line and quickly skeddadled outta there!

.....

Now I'm thinkin' tile* flooring might be a nice option instead, dontcha think?! :)

*I was going to say "carpet" until I realized the troubles I could get into with that wording as well!! ;)

And then a miracle happened!

I finished Q's baby pants!

I did! I did!! And the waistband and drawstring came out PERFECTLY*!

Look! Look how CUTE they are!!!.......

I am shocked ... (and awed!?)! And to the same degree of Tickled Pink as I was when I finished my first ever pair of socks!!!!!

But wait ... there's MORE!

The biggest miracle of all, I threw them into the hot wash and then the dryer hoping with all fingers and toes crossed that they wouldn't shrink away into oblivion ..................

before

....and they didn't!!!!!

after

Whoo hooo! I ACTUALLY believe that a baby will fit into them!

Of course, not having had any babies to call my own ... my perception as to what will and what won't fit a baby could be completely and utterly skewed. But until proven otherwise, I say that they'll fit!

AND that they are the coolest thing since sliced bread!

So there! :)

Whoo hoooo! (*continues happy dance*)


*as long as you don't look too close that is! ;)

Princess Procrastination!

Yep, folks, that's ME! As well as Her Royal Highness of Avoidance-land. And errr, Queen of Denial! (not to be confused with 'Queen of De-Nile' (ha!))

Anyway, so as I type, the ink is being laid to the paper that binds me to purchasing a new home. (well, unless I choose to forfeit my Earnest Money .... which.I.don't!). Yep! Me!... buying a new home! Whoo hooo!

BUT ... that means I have only until closing on this new place to sell my current house.

Ya know, the house which isn't on the market yet.

And isn't even ready to be shown yet. (yikes!)

Uh yeah.

So you see where I should maybe be working on that stuff?? Ya know, the weeding, pruning, bark dusting, cleaning, packing, updating, general spit-shining of the place??

Not to mention all the stuff I need to plan for the new place ... like scheduling all the flooring people and general contractors in there to get me estimates for work I'll need done as soon as I get possession ... when the only time I'll have for them before it closes will be the two hour window I'll have during the inspection .... which will be THIS WEEK!

Yeah, me neither. :)

I have been spending SO much time lately soul searching, and house hunting, and house vs condo pondering, and house hunting, and not selling vs selling pondering, and house hunting, and number crunching, and house hunting ... that I am FED UP!

I figure now that the decision to sell has been made ... and the decision to buy has been made ... and the decision WHAT to buy has been made .... and the sale has been negotiated (no easy task with this seller ... trust me on this)... I deserve a little Time of Celebration.

And, who knew, but apparently Time of Celebration includes a little Craigslist Bashing. (I know! I'da never guess that either ... but apparently it must be true because here it is! ....on the internets! And if it's on the internets ... it MUST be true! Right? Right! :))

So without further ado.......

I like to eat dead babies - 24
Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-29, 1:17PM PDT

Hi, I like to eat dead babies and would love to meet with a gall who does also. I prefer mine medium rare with a sprig of parsley, but sometimes like to eat them ah la sushi. Does that make me weird? Maybe so, but I don't care. It's what I do, and I need someone to love me for who I am. Now, I'm not some sort of sicko like you might be thinking. I never eat a dead baby that is old enough for a personality, thats just plain sick and wrong. Just young enough that all they can say is "goo goo ga ga", that's it. So please, if you prefer dead children, do not respond, sick-o.

Ok, I might be exaggerating just a little. What I really like is unborn babies. You know, like chicken babies, fresh out of the shell. But I had you going, didn't I? Admit it.

Really, if your looking for a funny guy, there is none funnier than me.

[?????????????????????????????????????????]

This only counts if I'm in a funny mood, otherwise I'm really not that funny at all.

[okay, well that explains it. He obviously wasn't in his "funny mood". Cuz "eating dead babies" ... even coming up with the thought of "eating dead babies" ... rather frightening if'n you ask me. Just sayin'!]

U R a slender female....friendship ONLY..... - 51

[all your friends MUST be "slender". Bullshit.]

you no you want to
Reply to: pers-craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-28, 8:26PM PDT

[Oh "know" I don't!]

Im looking for a girl who wants to move in with me - 42
Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-29, 12:59AM PDT

Looking for a nice caring hearted woman, easy going like me, whose open to exploring all aspects of love, relationship, intimacy, sharing fun times together and responsibilities as they come.

[in other words ... he's looking for a sugar-mama. Why not just say it, guy?! "I NEED A SUGAR MAMA! (there! I said it for you!)]

And probably the strangest one I've yet to see (and that's saying something folks!]....

Need woman who wants to get pregnant now, not later - 37
Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-29, 1:42PM PDT

almost desperate decent looking man looking for woman who wants to get pregnant at any cost and wants me in the picture. 5'11" 190lbs. blue eyes br. hair and stocky built. want someone soon to get pregnant and worry about the relationship later. I will marry you if i get you pregnant and you want me. Please give this a try and respond I need a child in my life. all serious inquiries considered. Love Shawn

["almost desperate"?? Oh no, no, buddy. I do believe you have crossed the line to "full-blown desperate"! Just sayin'!]

See? Isn't living in Avoidance-land fun?!? :)