Thursday, June 30, 2005

More dorkiness? Hard to believe, ain't it?!

But this is a quick one that happened last night ... and hopefully will be the end of the dorkiness for awhile (though unfortunately I can make no promises).

So I'm out at a concert last night* with Tracy (Hi Tracy!) and we're discussing bands and I'm trying to tell her a tidbit I just heard with regard to one female lead singer. And I'm trying to articulate the lead singer's name but keep saying "it's Steph something". And I'm trying out different things and keep settling on "Steph Gwefani". But it just doesn't sound right so I'm all "Gwofani, Gawfani, .... errr .... it's Steph Gwefani" and Tracy is just looking at me all perplexed. Yeah.

That would be "Gwen Stefani", folks. Sad really. But what can you do?!

*The Afters, Anna Nalick and Vertical Horizon. (can you say "HottieHotHots"??). Of course, in Kat-speak it would be "Aft Theers, Nal Annaick and Hotical Verizon". But whatever.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Seriously, the dorkiness is getting embarrassing!

So who knew that Aldo Shoes was an actual shoe brand and not just a shoe store with many different types of shoes??? Not I. Or else I would NOT have walked into the store called Aldo Shoes last night and asked if they carried any of the Merrell brand shoes. Yep. Pretty sure I wouldn't have. Ya know, cuz that's like walking into a Mercedes dealership and asking if they have any of the new Mustangs in that pretty blue color. Or walking into a Kentucky Fried Chicken and asking if they have the Big Mac with cheese. Sigh. Help me people. Really. I'm not sure how many more "are ya KIDDIN' ME?!!" looks I can take from retail people! I mean, I always knew it took a village to raise me .... but now I'm looking around and beginning to realize that no-one else in my village is The Idiot. So ... hmmmm

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Dorkiness Revisited

Okay, I take the Dorky Cake. Yep. Sure do.

Unless, of course, you think an open bottle of Gatorade...... sitting on a work desk ... first thing in the morning (ie before caffeine) .....near expensive computer equipment .... doesn't sound like a bad idea?

It does?! But wait...

What if the Gatorade is orange and there is MUCH paperwork on the desk and orange colored paperwork is MUCH prettier than just plain ole white paperwork, right?!


And what if it might be kinda cool if my keyboard's shift key makes a weird noise everytime I press it?? And then eventually thinks EACH key pressing should give some random bizarre result to the point that I can't type anything legible??

Still a bad idea?! Really? Yeah, I think so too. Now. Sigh.

But the good news is ....... I got a new keyboard! (yay). And, and the way all the liquid spread across my desk, I've learned that my desk slants to the left. Who knew? I always thought I was just taller on one side. :)

Yep, it's official. When's the next Dorks-R-Us convention??

Monday, June 27, 2005

The Gene Pool needs some chlorine

If I'm a dork ... what does that make these people?? (errr, other than "dead" in some of these cases)

Five Buddhist monks in Bangkok were defrocked in May after a street fight culminating years of hostility between two temples, according to a Reuters dispatch. Said one (who used brass knuckles), "When an ordinary person is given a middle-finger sign, he will be mad. So will I." [Reuters, 5-31-05]
Awiey "Chucky" Hernandez, 20, was arrested when he went to the 90th Precinct station house in Brooklyn, N.Y., to check on the status of a pal and inadvertently stood directly in front of his own "wanted" poster (on robbery and drug charges). The in-custody pal Hernandez had come to inquire about was Huquan "Guns" Gavin, 18, who appears with him on the poster. [New York Post, 5-25-05]
Charles Cross Jr., was arrested on the street minutes after allegedly robbing a Fifth Third Bank in Louisville, Ky., in May, because he displayed the effects of having been looking directly into his stash bag at the moment the red-dye device exploded. [WAVE-TV (Louisville), 5- 26-05]
And a 22-year-old intoxicated man from Aberystwyth, Wales, accidentally fell through a window and fatally landed on a spiked fence after having pulled down his trousers and screamed to no one in particular, "Who wants some of this?" [Daily Record (Glasgow), 4-15-05]
And in Frederick, Md., a judge convicted Ben Meacham, 23, on two misdemeanor counts for his role in the death of a 21-year-old pal, who had said he wanted to do something unusual on his motorcycle because it was about to be repossessed over a loan default. With Meacham videotaping, the pal, pantsless, did a wheelie before losing control and accidentally, fatally ramming a parked truck. [New York Post-AP, 6-4-05]

And my favorite.......
A man fell to his death from an overpass onto Interstate 5 in Seattle, the loser of a who-can-hang-the-longer game with a friend. [Seattle Times, 5-31-05]
... because that just takes a really, REALLY special kinda stupid!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Lady, I'm just a dork ... deal with it!

Okay, so I went to the post office today to turn in my renewal application for my passport which had expired several years ago. (I'd meant to get it renewed long before now but Mr Passport Picture Taker at Costco kept taking lousy pictures of me (oh yes he did. His fault! Couldn't be mine. Definitely. Cuz seriously, surely one of you would have TOLD me if I normally walked around looking like a deer caught in headlights .....or had that many chins .......or hair that looked glued to my head. Right? Right. That's what I thought. See? that Passport Picture Taker at Costco was doing something to mess with them during printing. That bastard!).

But anyway, now that I'm planning a trip outta country, it's crunch time. So I HAD to relunctantly accept the next photo of me ... this time from Ms Passport Picture Taker at Costco. She wasn't AS cruel .... though why she too thought an extra chin would be funny is beyond me. And is my hair really that short?? Whatever.

So with two copies of said photo (sigh), old passport, proof of name change, filled in applications and checkbook in hand, I rushed down to the downtown post office during my lunch hour to get it all taken care of. So I wait in the passport line, I wait in
the passport line, I wait in the passport line, I wait in the passport line ......only to be told that I need to mail it in! (Even though I'm RIGHT THERE ... with EVERYTHING ... and Mr Passport Acceptor Guy accepted everyone else's applications... but not mine. (I think it was because of the hideous photos!)


So Mr Passport Acceptor Guy Of Everyone But Mine suggested I grab an envelope and mail them while I'm at the post office. Couldn't argue with that logic. So I did. Grab an envelope that is. And it had to be big to accommodate the 8 1/2 x11 (or whatever) size papers. The one I grabbed had two pieces of cardboard in it. I was fine with that. Filled out the envelope and was about to shove the paperwork in there when I thought "why pay postage for two pieces of cardboard when I don't really need the extra protection for mere paperwork" (yes, yes ... I know the passport photos are in there too but really ... damage would do nothing but improve them, in my humble opinion). So out came the cardboard, in went the paperwork, off came the strip to seal the envelope and off I went to stand in another line to mail the dang thing.

So I wait, I wait, I wait ..... only to remember halfway through the regular postal line that I had forgotten to put the check in the envelope. Yeah. So outta line I went, wrote the check, partially reopened already sealed envelope, wrestled check inside, resealed as best as possible and back to the end of the line.

Which all leads me up to Ms. Postal Clerk. All seemed well until she asked if I needed to be charged for the envelope. Well, no ... I don't NEED to be charged for it but I certainly OWE for it. Err, but I digress. Here's what the verbal exchange went like:

Ms Postal Clerk: "Do you need to be charged for the envelope?"

Me (what I thought): "No"
Me (what I said): "Yes"


Ms Postal Clerk: "Do you know this is a photo mailer?"

Me: "No"


Ms Postal Clerk: "Did it have cardboard in it?"

Me: "Yes"


Ms Postal Clerk: "There are other envelopes over there without the cardboard"

Me (what I thought): "How does that f'in matter to me NOW??"
Me (what I said): "Oh" (obviously I'd not had any caffeine at this point)

Ms Postal Clerk: "It's $1.99"

Me (what I thought): "I don't care if it's ONE HUNDRED BUCKS right now ... just get it mailed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me (what I said): "Okay"

(here, due to a VERY long pause, I'm thinking I'm free and clear and about to be finished)

Ms Postal Clerk: "What did you do with the cardboard?"

Me (what I thought): "WHY, Ms Postal Lady, does this REALLY matter????? Are you with the cardboard cops or something?? Just F'IN CHARGE ME the $1.99, go collect the cardboard from that little garbage bin over there, buy a non-photo mailer and put the free cardboard in it and you've SCORED yourself a photo mailer envelope for the price of a regular one!!! But PLEASEEEEE, for the love of GODDDD, JUST FLIPPIN' MAIL MY PASSPORT RENEWAL STUFF, WOULD YA HUH?!"
Me (what I said): "In the trash over there"

And with a "oh, you're the craziest chick I've ever seen" look from Ms Postal Clerk I was on my way.

Why can't people just accept that sometimes I'm a dork and not make a fuss over it. Just accept it, Ms Postal Clerk ... I can't be helped. Sometimes I buy photo mailers when I don't need to. If you think that's bad, you obviously haven't read the shopping cart incident yet. Dorkiness happens. Move along. Just please make sure my renewal application gets to where it's going, okay?!!

Is it just me ....

...or does this scare the bejeezus outta anyone else??

High court OKs personal property seizures

Majority: Local officials know how best to help cities

WASHINGTON (AP) -- -- The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses -- even against their will -- for private economic development.

It was a decision fraught with huge implications for a country with many areas, particularly the rapidly growing urban and suburban areas, facing countervailing pressures of development and property ownership rights.

The 5-4 ruling represented a defeat for some Connecticut residents whose homes are slated for destruction to make room for an office complex. They argued that cities have no right to take their land except for projects with a clear public use, such as roads or schools, or to revitalize blighted areas.

As a result, cities have wide power to bulldoze residences for projects such as shopping malls and hotel complexes to generate tax revenue.

Local officials, not federal judges, know best in deciding whether a development project will benefit the community, justices said.

"The city has carefully formulated an economic development that it believes will provide appreciable benefits to the community, including -- but by no means limited to -- new jobs and increased tax revenue," Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the majority.

He was joined by Justice Anthony Kennedy, David H. Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen G. Breyer.

At issue was the scope of the Fifth Amendment, which allows governments to take private property through eminent domain if the land is for "public use."

Susette Kelo and several other homeowners in a working-class neighborhood in New London, Connecticut, filed suit after city officials announced plans to raze their homes for a riverfront hotel, health club and offices.

New London officials countered that the private development plans served a public purpose of boosting economic growth that outweighed the homeowners' property rights, even if the area wasn't blighted.

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who has been a key swing vote on many cases before the court, issued a stinging dissent. She argued that cities should not have unlimited authority to uproot families, even if they are provided compensation, simply to accommodate wealthy developers.

The lower courts had been divided on the issue, with many allowing a taking only if it eliminates blight.

"Any property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party, but the fallout from this decision will not be random," O'Connor wrote. "The beneficiaries are likely to be those citizens with disproportionate influence and power in the political process, including large corporations and development firms."

She was joined in her opinion by Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, as well as Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Why here is something .... certainly don't hear about every day!!!

Giant Popsicle Melts, Floods New York Park

An attempt to erect the world's largest popsicle in a city square ended with a scene straight out of a disaster film — but much stickier.

The 25-foot-tall, 17 1/2-ton treat of frozen Snapple juice melted faster than expected Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with kiwi-strawberry-flavored fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.

Firefighters closed off several streets and used hoses to wash away the sugary goo.

Snapple had been trying to promote a new line of frozen treats by setting a record for the world's largest popsicle, but called off the stunt before the it was pulled fully upright by a construction crane. Authorities said they were worried the thing would collapse in the 80-degree, first-day-of-summer heat.

"What was unsettling was that the fluid just kept coming," [excuse me??]Stuart Claxton of the Guinness Book of World Records told the Daily News. "It was quite a lot of fluid. [okay] On a hot day like this, you have to move fast." [Enough!!! Does anyone else think that these comments are just plain ole WRONG!?!]

Snapple official Lauren Radcliffe said the company was unlikely to make a second attempt to break the record, set by a 21-foot ice pop in Holland in 1997.

The giant ice pop was supposed to have been able to withstand the heat for some time, and organizers weren't sure why it didn't. It had been made in Edison, N.J., and hauled to New York by freezer truck in the morning.

Computer Geek or Serial Killer

Because I'm being lazy today ("lazy", "grumpy", "uninteresting" ... whatever! .. I thought I'd share a link to a quick quiz. Real photos are provided and you guess which is a real killer and which is a computer geek. I didn't score well ... who knew I thought everyone looked like a serial killer!?!!!

Here ya go!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


So just HOW MUCH alcohol do you think must have been involved?? I mean, seriously, read that last quote!

Police: Man Awoke To Find Bullet In His Tongue

POSTED: 9:19 am EDT June 21, 2005
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Police said a man awoke Monday with a serious headache -- a bullet lodged in his tongue.

Police said Wendell Coleman, 47, walked 12 blocks to Shands-Jacksonville Medical Center after waking up with a very bad headache. His lip was swollen, he appeared to have powder burns and he had trouble speaking.

Doctors found a bullet in Coleman's tongue.

Coleman told police that a woman stuck a gun barrel in his mouth during a dispute around 2:30 a.m. He told police that he heard the gun go off, but said he just went home and went to sleep. [HUH?! Problem #1: a woman pulls a gun on you. Problem #2: She sticks the gun in your mouth. Problem #3: She pulls the trigger!!! (can you say, "attempted murder"?!?!). So what is it you do?! Oh yeah ... you just go home and go to bed! Apparently this was not a newsworthy event to you?! As in "oh yeah .. some one tried to kill me .... think I'll go to bed!!!" ARGH!] [Oh, and btw, what the HELL is your tongue made of, anyway, that it's stopping bullets?!?!?!]

Chimp art?

How wrong is THIS?!! Warhol and Renoir must be spinning in their graves! How embarrassing! (not that I'm trying to detract from the monkey's talent, of course. I mean, I'm guessing he put at least 5 to 10 minutes into this masterpiece below!!!)

Paintings by Chimpanzee Outsell Warhol, Renoir at London Art Auction

LONDON Jun 20, 2005 — Monkey business proved to be lucrative Monday when paintings by Congo the chimpanzee sold at auction for more than $25,000.

The three abstract, tempera paintings were auctioned at Bonhams in London alongside works by impressionist master Renoir and pop art provocateur Andy Warhol.

But while Warhol's and Renoir's work didn't sell, bidders lavished attention on Congo's paintings.

An American bidder named Howard Hong, who described himself as an "enthusiast of modern and contemporary painting," purchased the lot of paintings for $26,352, including a buyer's premium. The sale price surpassed predictions that priced the paintings between $1,000-$1,500. "We had no idea what these things were worth," said Howard Rutkowski, director of modern and contemporary art at Bonhams. "We just put them in for our own amusement."

Congo, born in 1954, produced about 400 drawings and paintings between ages 2 and 4. He died in 1964 of tuberculosis. His artwork provoked reactions ranging from scorn to skepticism among critics of the time, but Pablo Picasso is reported to have hung a Congo painting on his studio wall after receiving it as a gift.

"There's no precedent for things like this having been sold before," Rutkowski said.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Cats have a sense of humor...

..don't think they don't!

So I wait til Saturday morning to give CJ that new medicine so that I'll be home for a few hours to be around in case she has an adverse reaction to it (yes, I'm a worry-wart ... what's your point?!!). So I give her the pill and all is good. In fact, I'm very, very, very pleasantly surprised to see that not only doesn't she have an adverse reaction to it (whew!) but in fact she seems happier than she has been in a long time! She's boppin' around, feeling good, playful and very cheerful. Hallelujah! This new medicine ROCKS!

Fast forward to late Sunday night. I realize exactly WHY she's been in such a good mood! It's because she put one over on me, that's why! That little dickens managed to only pretend to swallow that pill on Saturday morning. Which means she took the pill, pretended to swallow it (trust me, I look for throat movement), was pet and coo'd over (shut it!), jumped down off the counter, meandered around the kitchen for a while and THEN, when I wasn't looking, spit it out behind her food dish*. Then she snickered at me all weekend. Had her own little private joke going. Oh yes she did. And I know this to be true because as soon as she knew that I knew... the giddiness ended. Yep. Sure did. What a character!

* I'm assuming she figured it would be quite a while before I cleaned back there (and in general she'd probably be right! ;)). But, as luck would have it, this time she was wrong! HA!

Where's the Logic?

Okay, so a mother is outraged about her 11 year old daughter's yearbook picture and wants a recall of all 200 6th grade yearbooks. Her quote is "the embarrassing image will haunt Asheasa for the rest of her life. " I'm thinking ... first off ... 6th grade has a yearbook?? But then I'm thinking .... okay, so you're apparently embarrassed by your daughter's picture in this yearbook ... that a whopping 200 people have .... and will soon forget about ..... and so the logical thing to do is to A) go on national television with said yearbook picture and display it to millions of people and B) perpetuate the situation by making a huge issue of it. Yeah, that will make life better for your daughter. Good thinkin'.

p.s. Asheasa: this picture is not embarrassing. You look cute. Really.

p.p.s. EMBARRASSING childhood photos would be (apologies to my sisters):

(I'm the one in the middle)

The REALLY embarrassing thing about this photo is that I do believe we dressed ourselves ... and even MORE embarrassing (if that's possible) ... thought we looked good. Yeah. Great plaid pants, Joyce!

Friday, June 17, 2005

ENOUGH Already!!!

For the love of all that is good ... get the hell outta my tabloids already! ARGH! Why, Tom, WHY?! Why would you hold a press conference the MINUTE you pop the question?!! That's just ODD. Can you NOT have a relationship with this woman (who looks like she could be your daughter ... hey, what?! I'm just sayin'!*) outside of the press?! Is that possible? Because there are certainly celebrities that do! (you go, Renee Zwelleger!!!) Don't MAKE me go buy one of those Free Katie t-shirts!

On what he called a "magnificent day," Tom Cruise has announced that he is engaged to a "magnificent woman." The 42-year-old proposed to Katie Holmes, 26, on the top of the Eiffel Tower this morning.

*For the record, I am not opposed to couples with differences in ages. But literally, she looks like she could be his daughter. Which just makes it icky. As does her revealing that she used to have a poster of him on her wall growing up. Again, I'm just sayin'.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Which is the real cat?

Ah ha! My photo uploader has decided to work (thank you photo uploader!). So here is the Tiger Guy's picture. I know it's difficult to tell which is the human and which is the real feline but I THINK (and I could be wrong here) that the white and orange furry one is the REAL feline. (But my guess is based soley on the fact that the other one is wearing a watch. Really. That was the only reason I think he might be the fake. Cuz seriously .... they could be twins, couldn't they?!! I can see how the tigers could be confused!! (errr....NOT! Freak!))

Who let the crazies out?

Some recent "weird" news ........

In May, at the annual spring auction at Christie's in New York City, Massachusetts artist Tom Friedman managed to sell a piece consisting of an ink squiggle on a 12-by-18-inch piece of white paper (described in the Christie's catalog as "starting an old dry pen on a piece of paper"). It was sold for $26,400, according to a Washington Post report.
[Now who is crazier in this piece? The artist for submitting an ink squiggle? Christie's for agreeing to auction it? Or the person who purchased it?? (it's a toss up ...but I may have to go with the buyer ... ya know, the person who PAID money for it!]]
Friedman was less successful in offering a 2-foot white cube that contained, on one surface, a tiny speck of his own feces [uhhh, GROSSSSSSSSS!], for which he expected an opening bid of $45,000, but got no takers.
[Thank God! Only Tom takes the Crazy Cake there! And yeah ... that's one big Crazy Cake!]
[Washington Post, 5-19-05]

Computer repairman Dennis Avner of Guatay, Calif., is perhaps the world's most extreme variation of a "furrie" (a person who adopts the persona of an animal). Avner has tiger-stripe tattoos covering most of his body, dental implants sharpened to points to resemble tiger teeth, and metal-stud implants around his mouth to hold his long, plastic whiskers. He has had ear and lip surgery to make his head more cat-like and wears special contact lenses to make his eyes appear as ovals. He told the San Diego Union Tribune in May that Guatay folks are mostly tolerant of him but that he nonetheless has decided to relocate to Washington state. [San Diego Union Tribune, 5-4-05]
[yeah, ya'll didn't need me to point out the craziness here, did ya?! But I know you want to see a picture though, don't ya?! Yeah ... I thought so. And I'd POST one for you but my picture uploader has gone on strike (I think it's been talking to my scanner) so I've included a link to the full article instead. Take a gander. And if you didn't think all the surgeries were crazy enough, his quote regarding his interaction with other tigers should do it for ya.(see below)]

"It's difficult for me to work with them like other people because they recognize me as one of their own" [Uh-huh. Yes, Dennis ... because tigers I'm sure are easily fooled by a little permanent ink, fake fangs and stick-on whiskers. Really. (can we have a straight-jacket over here please?!!!! Quickly!?!)]

And to think I thought Craigslist had cornered the market* on the crazies. SHEESH! My bad!

*Thanks, Rick, for helping me with that phrase. See? I told ya you'd make my blog at some point! ...hehehe


So if you type the phrase "seducing sexy navy officers"* into the Yahoo! search box, THIS (Kat's Caffeine Induced Rantings) site is at the top of the list. HAHAHAHAHA ... that's flippin' hysterical! (though, I admit, it does make me feel like quite the hussy! ;))

*no, I am NOT telling you why I know this!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

More CL Winners!

It's scary how few posts I need to look at to find so many losers. Sigh. Depressing, in fact. Okay, here's a couple from today.......

Are you a Big Boobie girl thats looking for a Boyfriend - 31 [classy!]

Jealous and rejected- Pathetic, sad and lonely. [and without any friends good enough to stop you from posting a title like that if'n you're seriously looking to find a woman]

Married Seeking Same - 53 [nice]

On the rebound... - 26 [sigh. Perchance are YOU Mr. Jealous and Rejected's friend??]

Coastal Herpes - 44 [next!]

Mothra-sized misanthrope seeks anti-social butterfly [huh??]

Rich Genius Seeks Incredible Submissive Beauty With Low Self Esteem [you're looking for someone with low self-esteem??? But WHY?!! And what does that say about you ??? (ARGH)]

And my favorite ... in that it scares the bejeezus outta me if what he says at the end is true......

Male Chauvinist Pig Seeks Docile Feminist Sex Object for LTR - 29

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-15, 1:23PM PDT

I'm your typical male chauvinist pig and I'm looking for a Docile Reformed-Femist to objectify on a regular (LTR) basis. ["Femist"??]

I really do want a feminist who has seen the error of her ways, and wants to serve and satisfy her man, because, after all, he is a man and that's the natural order. [oh really?]

You must wear short short skirts, no underwear and shoes with heels, to make your calves look hot, and you must also not wear a bra with tight low cut sweaters and blouses that reveal much ample cleavage.

You will cook for me [you like your PB&Js cut diagonally or straight up and down?], clean house, wash and iron [iron? Do people still do that??] clothes, do yard work, and run errands for me.

I will give you a hard time, not listen to much that you have to say and pretty much just have my way with you where ever and when ever I want.

You need to be cute, in shape, sexy, have a nice rack, small round ass, and NOT be over weight or grumpy. [SWEET! I've got a GREAT rack! Yep, hangs in the kitchen and all my pots and pans fit on it! You'll love it! But wait, small round ass and non-grumpy, eh?! Are those requirements negotiable??]

You'll do what your told, when your told, how your told, and you need to listen and be quiet. [uh, surely you mean "you're told" not "your told"? Right? (Damn! Does this disqualify me from your "listen and be quiet" requirement?)]

Take a number and get in line.

I got 25 replies last time I ran this ad. [NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Surely that CAN'T be true! IT CAN'T!!!! No, No ... women are NOT desperate enough to reply favorably to this man. Please ladies ... whyyyyyy? Tell me it ain't so! I'd almost rather you reply to The Penus Man instead. At least with him you'd get to see his dance moves!!!]

5 tips for women

  1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
  2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
  3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
  4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
  5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
hehehe. JUST KIDDING, men!

CJ - The Cat - and Comfort Foods on the Fly

So I was a little bummed yesterday. The vet called and lab reports show that my kitty CJ's liver didn't respond as hoped to our onslaught of new meds. So the vet prescribed a different one ... a "human" one in fact. And so I headed off after work to pick up the new med at a drug store.

I get to the drug store and give my last name to pick up the prescription. Luckily I didn't give my first name ... or they'da never found it. Because it was called in under "CJ - THE CAT - (And My Last Name)". Yep, even says so on the prescription tag (which I would happily scan for you if my scanner was in the mood to work today. But being that the planets are apparently not perfectly lined up to the scanner's satisfaction today ... my scanner has decided to take the day off. Whatever.)

So The Kid (The Pharmacist's assistant) is ringing me up at the pharmacy and asks "who is the prescription for?" (which I think at the time to be a very logical question because I had yet to realize that it clearly says "CJ - THE CAT" on the tag ... which he has in his hands!) and I mumble (with flashbacks to Safeway deli clerks flashing through my head) "oh, for my cat". He doesn't bat an eye at that so I pay and he says "is this the first time it's been used" to which I reply "yes" and so he says he needs to have The Pharmacist talk to me about the pills. Uhhh ...okay. But it's for my cat. Whatever. So The Pharmacist comes over and inquires "is this the first time you've been using it?" and I dutifully say "yes" and he says "and who is it for?" and I reply "for my cat" to which he gets all befuddled and doesn't know what to say. HA! So he hems and haws a bit trying to determine (I'm surmising) what side effects and dosages and such he can share with me when I let him off the hook with a "just go with what my vet said?" to which he gratefully agrees. You'd think these folks had never handed out prescriptions for pets before! (hehehe ... I know, I know ... he probably hasn't! Sigh. My poor kitty.)

So, $50 later (apparently my medical insurance doesn't cover my kitty's prescription ... damn them!), feeling melancholy over the seriousness of my kitty's illness and in need of some comfort, I do what any normal person would do under similar circumstances ..... I wandered the aisles of said pharmacy looking to purchase some happiness!! Which in this case turned out to involve Easy Mac macaroni and cheese (HEY ... this wasn't a grocery store food choices were VERY limited!), Chip Ahoy cookies (mmmmm) and a cheesy gossip magazine (oh yeah!)

And so, dear readers, for putting up with this post I will save you the $3.50 and summarize this week's People magazine for you. Ready??

  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are still GA GA for each other (gag!)
  • It is still not known if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are romantic.
  • Jennifer Lopez took hubby Mark Anthony on a $5000 shopping spree to celebrate their 1 year anniversary.
  • Bennifer2 are still an item.
  • Britney doesn't wear clothing to hide the pregnant belly (surprised??).
  • Charlie Sheen's and Denise Richard's new baby girl is beautimus!! (though who will get custody is yet to be seen)
Ta da.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


Did you know that if you type "frapaccino" in a MS Word document and then right click to figure out how in the world it is SUPPOSED to be spelled because your brain isn't functioning correctly at that moment [because surely if it were you would A) remember that it is spelled "frappuccino" on your own or B) simply look at the bottle of your Starbuck's mocha frappuccino which is sitting right in front of you on your desk and see how it is spelled on the label!!!!!!] that MS Word's one suggestion for what you are TRYING to type is "repacking". Yep, apparently "frapaccino"="repacking". Who knew?!

Lotto luck

Don't you wanna just hate people like this???

Pa. Woman Wins $1M Lottery Game Twice

BETHLEHEM, Pa. Jun 14, 2005 — Some people seem to have all the luck. Just ask Donna Goeppert. Earlier this year, she won $1 million playing a Pennsylvania Lottery scratch-off ticket, then turned around and won another million-dollar jackpot last week.

"What are the odds of that?" the 55-year-old woman said, calling her good fortune "just unbelievable."

The odds of winning just once are 1.44 million-to-1, according to state lottery officials. The odds of winning twice vary depending on how many tickets are scratched. Lehigh University professor Bob Storer placed the odds of winning twice at 419 million-to-1, if 100 tickets are played.

Goeppert's win in January allowed her to pay off her mortgage and her children's mortgages, buy a new Cadillac and save money for her grandchildren's education. She purchased her most recent winning ticket for $20.

Lottery officials confirmed Goeppert has filed a claim for the jackpot, which will take four to six weeks to verify.

Monday, June 13, 2005

"Urge Surfing" ... yeah right!

So I spot an article on MSN on How to Outwit a Food Craving and think "Brilliant! FINALLY the answer to all that is evil! I'll be thin in NO TIME"! Right? Right. And so I read.

APPARENTLY, the "how to" boils down to "next time you get a sudden urge to dive into junk food, just hold off for a few minutes". Uh-huh. Boy ... now isn't that brilliant advice! That ranks right up there with "eat right and exercise". Thanks Catherine Winters ... that's sheer brilliance. What's that? Oh, there's more ... you're going to go a bit more in depth?! Okay, I'll give this a gander. Whatcha got?

"Food cravings come on suddenly and are tough to resist. Before you know it, you're ripping open a bag of chips or inhaling a pint of double chocolate fudge ice cream" [or downing a pan of brownies. Ohhh ... wait ... brownies ... don't I have some of those left?! I really think I do. Sitting right out there in the kitchen! SWEET! Be right back......].

"But researchers who study cravings know that the urges last only five to 10 minutes, a short enough time to just ride them out -- if you have the right tools." [See? Now where were the tools when I needed them? Should start the article with those ... maybe I wouldn't be licking brownie crumbs off the keyboard right about now!]

"Experts call this 'urge surfing.' 'Urges are like waves,' explains psychologist Kelly Brownell, PhD, director of the Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders, in New Haven, Connecticut. They start out small, gain in strength, crest, and then subside. 'By staying strong through the peak, you can sometimes outlast it,' he adds.

["sometimes outlast it"?? Sometimes?? that's not good enough Dr Brownell. And what "peak"?? You mean the urges get stronger after that first inkling that I always give into?! Geee ... how would people get through that???]

"Here, some strategies to help you:" [FINALLY!]

"Tackle the emotions behind your food frenzies. Stress, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and anger can all trigger a craving." [Hmmm. And how about boredom or uh hunger? OR ... even happiness? I mean, can't a person be giddy happy and enjoy sharing a sundae with the one they love?? (mmmmm, hot fudge sundae. Do I have any ice-cream?? Damn it ... no I don't. Sigh. Okay, I can do this. Must outlast ice-cream craving...)]

"Think alternative foods." [okay. An alternative to ice cream would be ... uhhhh .... cake? (nope, don't have any of that). Cookies? (nope). Doritos? (nope). Candy? ... why YES I do!! (sweet ... be right back!)]

[geee, I'm not finding this very helpful so far!]

"Try to figure out why you have the craving. If you always long for a cream-filled glazed doughnut [mmmmm ... cream filled donut!] at 11 a.m., maybe you need a more substantial breakfast than a muffin [mmmm, muffin]" [I KNOW WHY I'm having the cravings, dang you! It's because you (the article) keep mentioning all this yummy food! H
ad I not read this article ... I'm fairly certain I would have had some pre-roasted chicken (thanks Costco) and some veggies for dinner. Instead ... with this article's mention of very cravable foods ... I have had brownies and jelly beans! What the F? You suck, Catherine Winters!]

Weekend Roundup

Congratulate me!! I survived Fleet Week! Whoo hooo! The sailors leave today and I am pleased to report that there will be no irate phone calls from sailor's wives of whom I knew nothing about. Of course, there will also be no flowers, flirtatious emails or invites to exotic ports from any of the sailors themselves but ... whatever.

I am addicted to The West Wing. Yep, "hello my name is Kat and I'm a West Wing addict". It's true. What a great show! Have managed to avoid all episodes on tv for years even after hearing such great things about it but finally caved once I realized all my cheesy reality shows were ending for the season (shut it!) and what the hell would I do with all my evenings this summer? (damn single life). So I checked out Season 1 from the library and have been held hostage ever since. In fact, just finished the first season this weekend and am now on edge that I won't be able to get my hands on Season Two for awhile (come onnnnn you fellow library West Wing watchers .... turn your dvds back in already so some other people can watch them for pete's SAKE! SHEESH! :)). ESPECIALLY with the cliff hanger at the end of season one! HOLY SCHNICKETY!

I have officially finished that blue scarf I have been working on for oh.... forever! Hallelujah! I can now move on with life!!!!!! :)

I have been to a Hooter's restaurant ... yes, I have. Check*. What's that?! You're asking "Why would a heterosexual woman who enjoys decent food go to a Hooter's restaurant???". That's a valid question, dear blog reader, a very valid question. And now having been there I can answer with a definitive "beats the hell outta me" Especially after perusing the menu. I mean, if ever you NEED greasy chicken wings or shriveled hot dogs (insert your own joke here) then by all means Hooter's is the place. But women, never let a man try to convince you to go there because "the food is good". Nope. Don't buy into that one. And be forewarned that the waitresses are YOUNG. Holy CRAP! I actually sat there and did the math and realized that I am in fact old enough to be the majority of their mother (granted, I'da had to be pretty dang slutty in high school ... but the fact that it was biologically possible was depressing enough!). Yep. When the hell did that happen by the way? When did I get old? I don't feel old. And yet, sitting there at da Hooter's doing the math ... apparently I AM old. And when did the waitstaff not have to be 21 to serve alcohol?? We even asked our waitress about it**. (Is that just an Oregon thing??) There were certainly interesting patrons there though. The 60+ old men kinda creeped me out but this one guy ... who I affectionately labelled Elvis .... wore leather pants, a wrinkly shirt, funky sunglasses and STOOD the entire time he was eating. I'm just bummed his picture didn't come out well enough to do him justice! (dang camera phones)

Dang it! I thought there was some other tidbit I wanted to share with ya'll but it has slipped my mind (see? I AM old!). So instead, I will leave you with this profundity I found (where else?) on Craigslist this morning. This is from a gentleman seeking a woman. And he states:

I have not been really close to that many girls I have not dated so this will be an interesting experiment.

Does ANYBODY know what the hell that means?! I seriously don't know if I'll be able to get any work done today as my mind continues to ponder it! I mean, have I been traipsing through life oblivous to the fact that I was SUPPOSED to be close to men I haven't dated? What about men I haven't met yet or don't even know exist yet? Are those the ones I should be closest to? I'm just so confused! Maybe I'll get some chocolate and see if that brings any better clarity!

*that's me checking it off my "places I've seens - things I've done" list.
** Buck will deny that he started out the conversation to our waitress with "Speaking of hooters..." but for the sake of this blog I'm sticking with it!!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Kitty Comics

A couple of my favorite kitty comics from my fridge (shut it!). (You can click on the comics to enlarge)

p.s. No D has yet to take a look at my scanner. BUT .. for some reason it chose to work. Why? WHY I ask. Is it just magic? Or can you really fix things by giving them a swift kick?! Hmmmm.

Friday, June 10, 2005

2200???? HO-LY CRAP!

2,200 Journalists Await Jackson Verdict

AP - 1 hour, 33 minutes ago SANTA MARIA, Calif. - About 2,200 members of the media have received credentials to cover Michael Jackson's trial more than the O.J. Simpson and Scott Peterson murder trials combined and enough to form a vast, humming tent city outside the modest courthouse. Reporters from every continent but Antarctica are covering a story that has attracted perhaps the largest-ever media contingent for a criminal trial.

Today's CL Winners

Ah yes, today's Craigslist winners.

First off ....

sugar mama wanted

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-10, 12:19PM PDT

I'm an honest man seeking an honest woman. [True that. This man is honest]
i'm 43 6 foot tall short brown hair with beard and mustache.
i'm looking for a sugar mama. [see?]
take care of me and have me how ever and whenever you want.exept no men.i am straight and have no std and you must be too.
I'M not into head games.I'm looking for someone who has similar interest
as me. [actually, you're looking for someone with an OPPOSITE interest then you. Otherwise you'd be looking for another freeloader. In which case, try this guy]
my friends describe me as an extremely honest and caring guy.
I like to stay home a lot,but I also like to get out now and then.
I like to eat out, but not every day.I don't drink a lot but I do enjoy having an occasional
beer from time to time.I also enjoy getting out to a bar once in a while.(not often)
My Hobbies include: fishing,camping and relaxing at home watching tv [get out ... didn't see that couch potato line coming]
I also enjoy surfing the net and chatting to my friends.I enjoy repairing computers and having sex.I'm also open to trying new things. [uhhh, okay ... well then how about trying to get and keep a job so you can support yourself? Yeah. That would be something new, right?!! SHEESH!]

And this guy....

sexy beast seeking sexy mama - 30

Okay, a "sexy beast". Alright, bring it on ... I'm ready for ya. Let's see what you've got to say. Wait a minute, wait a minute here .... you describe yourself with "i like star wars, card games, animals, playing internet games and watching movies". But, but, but ... you said "Sexy Beast". I mean .... maybe it's just me but that description elicits a more ... how do I put this politely??..."Nerdy Beast" feel rather than a "Sexy Beast" one. Sigh. Dang false advertising ... AGAIN.

Fleet Week!!!!

So it is Fleet Week here again in Portland, Oregon. Yep, the navy comes to town each year during our annual Portland Rose Festival (think cheesy parade, scarily unsafe carnival rides and a rubber ducky river race (don't ask)). Now what single woman doesn't love Fleet Week, I ask?!! :) And as if bumping into hunky uniformed sailors around town for a few days isn't heavenly enough, I've discovered the ultimate nirvana for the single woman: an event called "Meet the Fleet". More specifically, the officers only portion of the "Meet the Fleet". Yep, you heard me ... a ballroom FULL of hot naval officers in their dress whites!!! Yee-mother f'in-haaaaaaaaa, I say!!!

So a friend and I partook in this "officer's ball" on a Friday night a few years ago. And let me tell you, two hot* blondes** don't stand alone for long in a room full of navy men. Nope, sure don't. So we chatted with one who then grabbed a friend and before long we headed out with seven (yes, you read that correctly ... SEVEN) naval officers looking to be shown more of Portland by locals (now before you label me the hussy I may or may not be (grin) .... please note that there were a couple of women in that group of seven as well. It just seems that when word gets out that a local is willing to show folks the town, everyone wants in on it)

Anyhow, so that evening I chatted mostly with one officer who I'll call ... errr .... "Mark". VERY nice guy. AND stationed in Hawaii! (Woot!!! Honolulu trumps say Everett, WA on the list of places more interesting to visit, wouldn't ya say?! :)) He wanted to see me the next day but because my friend and I had already accepted an invitation to attend a party that the Canadian sailors were throwing, I agreed to see him on Sunday. (as an aside ... let me tell you that those Canucks can parrrrrr-tayyyy. Plus they have beer. On tap. On the ship. You just don't see that on the American ships. But I digress).

Dinner with Mark on Sunday then the Fleet left Monday. They don't even make it out to open water before he's calling me. He adores me, wants to see me again, phones and emails all week, thinks I should come to Hawaii (yeah baby) and/or meet halfway in Las Vegas (who doesn't love Vegas??! :)), blah, blah, blah. Sounds great, right?! I've got this cute, sweet, funny, gainfully employed (always a good man in hot navy uniform who adores me and can't wait to get to know me better. This is awesome, right? Does it seem that way to you? It does, right?! Yeah, well ... TELL THAT TO HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! Whom I found out about when she called me after finding my phone number in his phone. Sigh.

Damn Mark. Damn US navy officers. Damn Fleet Week! So now Fleet Week has forever been tainted. Unless .... perhaps ... hmmmm .... I wonder if those crazy partying Canucks are back in town....

*without seeeing a picture of me, who are you to argue with me this point, eh? (heh heh)
** or this one! ;)

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Question for ya

So, is eating three pieces of cake during your work day too many?? Wait, wait .... before you answer ... please take the following into consideration:

  • the pieces were small*
  • the cake was baked with love for a coworker's last day (Oh FINE! It was store bought. But it was PURCHASED with love, damnit!)
  • cake is made with eggs, milk and flour (and milk does a body good, ya know?! :))
  • I needed the sugar high for my afterwork tennis match
  • it had a fruit filling

See? Fruit filling .... that's SO healthy! Right? Right? Right! So what's that? .... you think perhaps I should have had more?! Why thank you ...I like the way you think! :)

*yes, I know the word "small" is relative. But really, compared to how I would have divvied up the cake ... those pieces were SMALL!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

He DID not!

Okay, folks. Remember Mr "Hottie" (gag) from my post on May 24th? Here's his picture to remind you:

Well, he's back. And in his new post he included a picture of his ... errr .... uhhhhh ...... errrrrr........Mr Willy. Yes he did... I kid you not! This guy is creeeeeeeee-ppppyyyyy, people ... creepy! And yet thinks he is God's gift. Amazes me.

Anyway, here's his latest and greatest (HA!) post. Mom, if you're reading this please, please, please stop now and move to the next post. Really. This is definitely not mom material.

p.s. Sorry folks ... I am NOT including the picture of Mr Willy. Nope, am not. Because I've got class (HA!). I will though inform you that it was shaped like a left facing letter 'C' (snicker). And ... interesting enough (I mean, I'm not a detective or anything) .... was taken at the same angle a picture would be taken if say he was taking the picture himself. Ya know, he was standing and the pic was from the top. I mean, MAYBE the "hot girl" was standing behind him and reached around his chest with the camera pointed down and just happened to frame it perfectly? Or .... maybe there was NO "hot girl". (
I'm just sayin'.) Hmmmm. Maybe all is right with the world afterall.


Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-08, 2:20PM PDT

I finally brought you PENUS. NOT TO FAT AND UGLY WOMEN. THEY CAN NOT HAVE ME,THAT IS WHY THEY HATE ME. IT IS SUMMER AND THEY ALSO SMELL!!!!!! [does he seriously say he is a "nice guy" later on in his post??????]
Hey this is Shahan or PENUS MAN. Sorry it took so long to get a penus shot. I finally found a hot girl whom has a digital camera to take a picture while sucking my COCK [why oh why "hot girl" would you be with this guy?? Perhaps you were drunk or drugged?? Yes, yes ... that must have been it. Otherwise you would NEVER have been with this guy, right?! Right??!! Yes, yes. Must think normal/sane/sober women would not be with this guy. Must.]. Looking for a hot girl or hot girls to have some real good fun. I like to go dancing at nightclubs, blind dates, or whatever. I usually go to Voodoo Lounge and H20. Get in touch with me and we will make plans to meet somewhere. We could meet up at a bar or a nightclub, and I will show you some of my dance moves [oh please don't]!!! I ONLY RESPOND TO EMAIL THAT LEAVE THEIR EMAIL ADDRESS: SO When you email me, type in your direct email address or number on the bottom so I can get back to you. IF YOU DON’T LEAVE ANY INFORMATION WHEN YOU EMAIL ME, I WON’T BE ABLE TO GET BACK TO YOU!!!!! [uhhh, perhaps you could just try hitting the Reply button. Just a thought.]


• Job: Landlord of two houses
• Drives a nice car
• College student
• 9 inch long
• 6 inches thick
• Height: 5’11”
• Ethnicity: Middle Eastern (Iranian)
• Light complexion: Nice Light Tan
• Athletic looking jaw
• Perfect teeth
• Nice black eyes
• Clean cut
• Athletic build
• Definitely a nice guy [holy crap! He DOES say he's a nice guy. ARGH]
• Politics: Very liberal

You think?!

Headline on yahoo today ....

Prison would prove tough if Jackson convicted

You think?!! Really? Get out! Michael Jackson wouldn't do well in prison?!! You've got to be kidding me. Are you sure? You don't think he'd have 10 of his own "bitches" by the end of his first day?! WOW! It would be the other way around, huh?! HE'D be the one being man-handled and roughed about?! I'm surprised. Really? Huh, who knew?! Thank you news people for writing that article and setting me straight. Without it I would still be thinking that he was the tough guy. Goes to show you how little I know.

You know you look old and square when...'re walking down the sidewalk in front of the Crystal Ballroom* on the night Social Distortion is set to play and as you're approaching you see a scalper flashing available tickets at everyone walking by ....until he sees you. Yep, he took one look and just kinda nodded in deference instead. What the F**?? I mean, I know I don't have any tattoos nor piercings in my face ... but come onnnnn already ... I can still like good music can't I?? Bastard! Good thing I already had tickets! ;) (more on that show later)

* a local Portland concert venue
** that stands for "fudge", mom! Really. "Fudge".

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Hairy Balls

Yep. I'm out browsing a nursery at lunch (shut it ... yes ANOTHER sickness of mine) and spot the most peculiar of plant names. "Hairy Balls". I kid you not. So of course I had to BORROW (what?) the plant tag to report back to ya'll (my two readers ... I love you btw). Apparently this would be the "hairy balls of the Swan plant". Yep, again ... I've got it right here in black and white. (And I'd even scan it in for you if I could get my scanner working!*) Quite the big swan balls too .... grows to 5 foot! (eesh!). And ... are you ready for this? ... has the following description: "Creamy white flowers followed by softly spiny, pale green fruit". Yep, it sure does. Who WRITES these things??? I mean, really .... the name "hairy balls" is bad enough. But to use the terms "creamy white" and "softly spiny fruit" in the description is just plain ole WRONG, people! I mean, sure, sure ... folks can call it by its "official" name ("Asceplias physocarpa") but really ... when faced with the choice between the two names ... who ISN'T going to go with "Hairy Balls"?! Not I! ;)

* hint, hint Buck

Monday, June 06, 2005

Thirty-seven Candles??

How HOW, people, will this work??!! I mean, most sequels are a bad idea .... but a sequel to Sixteen Candles? .... over twenty years later???!!!!! Molly, are you THAT hard up for cash?!! I'll throw you a twenty ... give me the address. Just please, please don't make this sequel to Sixteen Candles. Pretty please? With a cherry on top?! I'm begging ya here. Don't. Do. It.

Ringwald Mulls 'Sixteen Candles' Sequel

1 hour, 53 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - Could it be time to put more candles on the cake? Molly Ringwald said she's in discussions to make a sequel to "Sixteen Candles," the 1984 movie about the obstacles and embarrassments a teen girl faces on her birthday.

The film, directed by John Hughes, shot Ringwald to teen stardom, but she hasn't appeared in a major role in many years. She said she's been appearing in theater, small TV and film parts and raising a daughter, now 18 months old.

Ringwald, 37, said she had been approached repeatedly about doing a sequel, but recently read a script that she liked and wanted to star in the movie.

"I've turned it down for years. I couldn't see how it would work," she said. "Now, it seems right."

Ringwald was reunited at the MTV Movie Awards on Saturday with

Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy and Paul Gleason, three of her co-stars in 1985's "The Breakfast Club," directed by John Hughes.

Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez didn't show.

"They're in Africa with Dave Chappelle," Hall joked.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

I love this!!!

Okay, okay. By request (thanks D), I will NOT be browsing the men's personal ads on Craigslist this morning and posting about my depressing So instead ... I browsed the news (hehe) and found this article about a man I think I could love! ;) (HEY! Shut it! Even a fire-hydrant looks more promising than most men I've found posting on Craigslist. So this guy looks genius!) I mean, it certainly takes a special kinda stupid, don't get me wrong ... but you've got to give it to him ... mission accomplished, right?! :)

Man Allegedly Sets Fire to House to Get Rid of Guests

GENEVA, Ill. — An Illinois man allegedly went to fiery extremes to get rid of unwanted house guests.

Dean Craig, 46, was charged with felony arson after, police said, he set fire to his own home to get rid of two visitors. Craig, Kane County Sheriff's department officials said, had asked two visitors to leave the house, which is owned by his mother. When they refused, Craig allegedly threatened to light the house on fire.

Craig apparently wasn't bluffing. Police said he splashed rubbing alcohol on the floor of his two-story home and used a lighter to ignite the blaze in the early morning hours on May 29. When authorities arrived the house was engulfed in flames but the two unwanted guests were not hurt.

Craig is expected to appear in court on June 9.

Friday, June 03, 2005

I'm destined to be single forever

Because really .... this is what is out there and I'm not being too picky! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!!! (insert stomp of foot!) :)

Okay, check out this first guy. AKA The Freeloader. What the F?

I need a rent-free home - m4w - 36

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-03, 1:12AM PDT

Put simply, I'm posting this ad with the hope that I'll be able to find someone who can provide me with a rent-free space in which I can live and work.

Although I'm not homeless, I do need a home that can better support my creative efforts. If I can find a better living arrangement, I'll be able to spend more of my time working on a project that is very important to me. It's a very lengthy project that will probably consume the remainder of my years [in other words, folks .... he wants you to support him for THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!!!!!! ARGH!]. The more time I can devote to it, the better.

I'm not mentally ill or a drug user, nor am I hiding dark secrets or running from a troubled past. This request isn't being made out of desperation; it's a practical request to solve a daunting problem: a shortage of time. Fully supporting myself is something I've done for many years, but at a great cost [yeah, like 40 hours a week ... oh my!]. Over the past couple of decades, most of my productive capacity has been sacrificed for the sake of paying rent [and the rest of us are just working for the hell of it, buddy??!]. With your generous support, I can work faster than I've ever been able to.

Tell me what you have to offer and what you expect in return, and we'll negotiate the details. Please give my request serious consideration. I need your help.

Ah. And then we have Mr Wooer. Doesn't this make you want to get to know him better??

is everyone looking a fatty? - 35

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-02, 11:46PM PDT

I can't believe all the woman out there trying the list are fatso's. If you aren't email me.

this is in or around portland
-- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Oh, oh ... and this guy. Very seducing, dontcha think??

You must swallow my wadd every morning - 50

Yeah. But my favorite this morning .... and it's quite the read so I'll just grab some excerpts for ya (you'd thank me if you saw the whole thing!! :)) ... is the following.

What I'm looking for in a GF and who I am - 30

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-03, 4:10AM PDT

"I'm looking for a serious relationship with a nice girl who can keep me interested with her mind" [okay, that starts out well]

"Not to sound too brash but I will know if it's going to work between us within 5 minutes of first meeting you. That doesnt mean I'm going to prejudge you" [hmmm]

"I have several years of college and I dont think I'll ever stop learning becouse I really do enjoy it." [okay, here's a learning tidbit for you then .... "don't" has an apostrophe in it and there is definitely no "o" in "because". Just a little FYI for ya]

"My ultimate goal in life is to run a factory." [I've actually never heard that for a goal before]

"I have a dream of travleing to all 7 continents but due to political, logistical and economic reasons I may not be able to set foot on all of them." [Nice to see you give up on dreams so quickly. Dude, you're
only 30!! It shouldn't be that difficult to get to 7 continents. You've already been to 2 for goodness sakes!]

"I have already been to Europe and I'm planning to go back as soon as the dollar is strong there again. If it doesnt improve anytime soon I will simply travel to Eastern Europe but it's so impovershed there I might as well go to Harlem, Watts, or the south side of Chicago for the same good time." [Really? Then why set a goal of all seven continents ... why not just set it to go to Four Corners and be done with it??]

"I am a bold and confident man with goals, desires, ambitions, plans and the intelligence plus means to acheive them." [And yet still can't put together a grammatically correct sentence]

"The human animal hasnt changed in 10,000 years and I tend to make love like a caveman." [let the wooing begin]

"When my ardor is up you know it by the look in my eye, the way I grasp you and the feel of my touch." [uhhh, I don't know about any of the other ladies out there ... but I've never had a difficult time knowing when a man's "ardor" was up]

"I will pull your hair, pick you up, grab your ankles, kiss you anywhere I want, leave hickies, penetrate you anywhere I choose, spank you so you feel it, hold you when we make love and hold you down when we fuck. I dont mean to sound cruel but I'm bigger and stronger than you and if I want to have you, I can have you when I want and we both know it." [ah, amore]

"This doesnt mean I'm not horribly romantic, almost to a fault." [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA. Yeah.]

"I'm posting a picture of myself as well as a couple of pics of women I consider to be knockouts. I understand they arent real and are made up for their pictures but they are my type and it will help give you a visual of what i consider "ideal""

Okay, okay, okay ... now here are the two pictures of the type of women he's looking for ........

And here's HIS picture!

Say it with me folks ..... "yeahhhh, good luck with that, buddy!!!!"

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Good luck with this, buddy!

Hard to believe a guy like this is still single................ I mean, if it weren't for my dang black nail polish ... sigh!

I don't like Boops or Butts! In search of a Pretty Woman to Spoil - 29

Reply to:
Date: 2005-06-02, 1:07PM PDT

Are there any good looking ladies in Portland? I'm still waiting to find them.
Are you Fun? Cute? If you don't crack the sidewalk, or have to grease up the doors to get through, please read on.

And since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, let me tell you what this Beholder is looking for.

I like: 5'1" to 5'10" tall, Thin, Small, or Petite build. Medium to long hair, Dark, Red or Blond. I want nice facial features, nice body. Nothing too big, or too small. Eyes are a huge turn on for me. I like NICE EYES! Boobs are not an issue, just not too big please. I would rather have to hunt for them, then be crushed by them. So please, No huge knockers.

I like butts, just not BIG ONES! I dont' want buy 3 movies tickets just to see a movie with you. I would rather have to use both hands to find your Hiny then by side swiped by it and end up in the hospital for 3 days.

No man Hands! I want soft, smooth, loving hands. Painted nails are not important, just not BLACK Polish if you do. I don't want to feel like I'm with a rug, so please...NO Body Hair!!!

If you don't meet any of these, please move on to another ad with some scum bag guy wanting just sex.

I'm a very attractive Guy, looking for a Very Attractive Girl to spoil and have fun with. No freaks, Losers, Tweakers, or Phycos.
I would rather have a Gold Digger, then some Fat Crazy woman who can't let me go for 5 seconds.

So, if you meet my standards, send me an Email! Your Photo will get mine.

  • this is in or around Beaverton
  • no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Ok, I'm depressed.

So I'm reading a news story (shut it ... yes I should be working) entitled Saudis angry over plan to OK women drivers. The article says that this one Consultative Council member Mohammad al-Zulfa filed a proposal in which it would be okay for women to drive (under certain conditions) and that it has unleased a fury against him. He's getting text messages "calling on Allah to freeze his blood"! And "there even have been calls to kick al-Zulfa from the council and strip him of his Saudi nationality." How crazy is this??

I guess there are conservatives there who believe "women should be shielded from strange men" [hell, I'd like to be shielded from strange men too ..... oh wait ... they mean "strange" as in "not known" ... nevermind] and who say that "driving will allow a woman to leave home whenever she pleases and go wherever she wishes". [why, we can't have that!] Some say "it will present her with opportunities to violate Islamic law, such as exposing her eyes while driving" [I know ... we can resolve that by having them drive blindfolded!!!] or "interacting with strange men, like police officers or mechanics" [uhh, been there - done that ... that should be avoided! :)].

"Driving by women leads to evil," Munir al-Shahrani wrote in a letter to the editor of the Al-Watan daily. "Can you imagine what it will be like if her car broke down? She would have to seek help from men." [or Allah-forbid ... fix it herself!]

So apparently without written permission from a male guardian, women may not travel, get an education or work. And regardless of permission, they are not allowed to mix with men in public. And get this ....... "The driving prohibition has forced families to hire live-in drivers, who, strangely, are allowed to be alone with women. Al-Zulfa said clerics have deemed this a lesser evil than driving." Did ya HEAR that?? ... the lesser of two evils! As in ... having a non-related man live in the same home is better than having a woman out and about driving. Because surely there is MUCH less opportunity to have sex with a strange man you are driving by than one you get to know who is living with you. Yep, makes sense to me!

Anyway, okay, okay, okay ... here's the part I find depressing. Al-Zulfa suggested that "only women over age 35 or 40 be allowed to drive". Ya know why? Because he figures they are TOO OLD to be tempting to men. I mean, he doesn't SAY that explicity .... but I know that's what he's suggesting! The bastard! And here I was thinking he was a good guy!!


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

For the record...

...I'd like to state that my "cat craziness" (yeah, don't think I haven't heard the term "Crazy Cat Lady" whispered behind my back. Or stated to my face for that matter (you know who you are!)) is not MY fault. It is an inherited disease. Really. See? I just received this picture from my mom ... of her cat ... called PK ... which stands for "Pretty Kitty". Yes, it is just a picture of a cat's tail ... I know that. And yes I think it's cute. As did my mom. You know why? ... because Cat Crazy is inherited, folks ... Cat Crazy is inherited. We never stood a chance.

Am I just old-fashioned??

I mean, I understand I've never been a parent and so maybe my take on this is completely off base. But I'm browsing today's headlines and find the following:

Parents Face Jail Time for Hiring Stripper
Mom Charged in Daughter's Rape

Now, in the first, the parents host a birthday party for their 16 year old son and friends (with the 14 yr old son present too) in which the stripper gets totally naked. They take pictures, turn them in to be developed at Walgreen's and hence get turned into authorities by folks at Walgreens. Now, their comment on whether or not they would do it again is
"I don't think so. If I did, we wouldn't take, pictures, no, definitely not"

And then in the second, the mom picks up 18 year old boys to have sex with her 13 year old daughter and 14 year old daughter's friend because she wanted her daughter (yes, the one that is only 13) to have sex. Even bought them alcohol. So ... at 13 .. sex (with STRANGERS) and alcohol.

Is that considered good parenting nowadays? Because if so ... it is
really for the best that I don't have children.

And if it IS good parenting
, might I then make the following suggestion to the first couple: "digital camera"?!