Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas!!

A little Christmas humor* for you. Merry Christmas, everyone!


Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me

Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and......

Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get me

Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells... Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells... Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

*thanks, T2!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Happy Holidays, Everyone!!!

I'm sorry I haven't had much opportunity to blog lately. I'll get back to it. (no, no ...really! :))

I head out of town tomorrow to spend Christmas with family and probably won't get the chance to post while I'm gone so
I wanted to take this opportunity to wish each and every one of you the Happiest of Holidays*!

Be safe! Have fun! And enjoy the season!

When I get back I'll post pictures of what my "homemade" gifts to my family members were this year. I think I found a loophole and went diving on through it. I'll show you when I get back! :)

Love ya!

*see? ... I can do "politically correct"!! ;)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Holy cow .... why is this holiday season SO crazy??

I'm not sure how the other bloggers are doing it .... between holiday gatherings and holiday shopping, my blogging time has plummeted (work being unusually busy isn't helping either. Just sayin'!).

So any time I get online I usually find myself online gift shopping or gift researching. (btw, how we survived Christmas before the internet is beyond me.). Also, with such crazy going-ons in Oregon lately, I've also been obsessively checking the online news sites every 5 minutes. Apparently now is not a good time to be taking Oregon road trips and/or to climb Oregon mountains. :(

Anyway, so other than all that ...... here are a few things which have been going on lately......

We have been having some crazy weather. Thursday night we had some massive wind storms that knocked out power to about 300,000 Oregon customers. I was one of the lucky ones .... I only lost power for a few hours Thursday evening. One lady I work with is STILL without power. (ugh).

But being the resourceful knitter that I am ........

.... the Christmas knitting continued unfazed. Whoo hooo!

And then yesterday morning I found these on my windshield ........

Aren't those funky? Some kind of ice formations I'm thinkin'. Had to defrost to get them off. I can't decide if I think they are really pretty .... or kinda alien-freaky-like. :)

And even though they predicted freezing rain this morning, instead we had a beautiful sunrise. I took these pics from my condo. (you can see Mt Hood in the distance in the second one)

So while out and about Christmas shopping ... I ran across this AMAZING clearance deal. These candles were so discounted I had to pick up 10 of 'em (not):

Dear Store Employee, ... trying THINKING. Just a little bit. Clearance before and after prices should differ .... really.

Speaking of candles ... I was spoiled rotten for my birthday this year. I am very blessed with awesome people in my life .... who also happen to have awesome taste in gifts! Whoo hooo! :) I'll gradually post pics of some of my treasures when I've stopped pulling my hair out over trying to get ready for Christmas!

But I will mention the one embarrassing thing that happened with regard to my birthday .... around 4pm at work I decide to make a quick bathroom break. I walk back into the office to find everyone waiting around a cake to sing me happy birthday. I mean, I get embarrassed being the center of attention like that anyway .... but walking back into an office full of people who KNOW you are in the bathroom and are standing around WAITING for you .... yeah .... THANK GOD I was not gone for long, if you know what I mean. Oy.

Okay, so here is a picture of a reindeer cocoa thingamabobs (the official name! :)) I made up for some of my movie peeps. Aren't they cute? A little cocoa mix, some mini marshmallows, throw on some antlers, eyes and a nose ...and voila .... Rudolph's Hot Cocoa Mix.

Are y'all ready for my ghetto Christmas tree? Oh ... I don't know ... I think you might want to sit down for this one....

Okay, so this year I had a volunteer to help me get my tree. So I was excited. Because y'all heard me wanking last year about having to get my tree on my own. But before me and my volunteer could pick out a tree this year, my friend T2 and I stumbled upon this tree ....... in the Target dollar bins (you heard me) .... and I simply couldn't resist. See ... even CJ loves it!

Can you say "tickle me tacky"??

Could it BE any more ghetto?? Oh ... I don't think so! I love it!

Especially because they also had mini lights for it ... and a tree skirt with tree topper (HA!) ...and matching felted garland....

......and the tackiest Mr and Mrs Santa Clause ornaments ever!!!

Seriously ... how could I resist????? :)

And last but not least ... speaking of tacky ... I dug this Christmas decoration out of the decoration box at work. Isn't this priceless. Christmas Cacti. Just for you, Ms C!

Who knew 2006 was the year of The Tacky Christmas?? I didn't! But between my decorations at home and those at work ... and maybe those Cocoa Reindeers ..... I'm thinkin' the folks expecting gifts from me need to be Tacky Forewarned. Just sayin'! :)

Friday, December 15, 2006

It's a bird! It's a plane! .. No, it's a "sheedopilope"???

That's right, people. My stuffed sock "weiner dog" is finished!!! Whooo hooooo!

And luckily it has turned out to be decidedly less pornographic. Hallelujah!

Unfortunately, it has also turned out to be less "dog". Sigh.

I don't know what happened ... I followed all the directions, I swear!

So I'm calling it a "wiener sheedopilope". (Pronounced "/shee dough pii lope/" as opposed to "/she do pee lope/" ... just sayin'. ;))

Anyway, take a gander ..... get ready to laugh she is.....

note: antlers, nose and Christmas sock sweater just to dress it up for the holidays. And not to cover really, really bad seam sewing on my part. Nope. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!! :)

hee hee ... isn't that a riot?!!

Okay, so, if you haven't figured it out already, here's the breakdown on the "sheedopilope" name.

I've found that if you put the ears up on this "sheedopilope" you've got what looks kinda like a pig...

ears up .... "oink oink"

Now if you put the ears down and move them forward a bit .... you get a sheep...

ears forward .... "baaaaaaa"

But if you pull the ears back like so .... and squint really hard ... and maybe have ingested like five margaritas ..... you get a dog.....

ears back, you drunk .... "arf arf"??

Yeah, even drunk, calling it a "dog" is just pushing it. We might have to revamp the name to just "sheepilope"! ;)

Ah, poor T1. I actually sent that off to baby Q just yesterday.

The bad news is ... it's not really infant-safe.

But the good news is ... it's not really infant-safe.

See? ... cuz now T1 has a legitimate excuse for just chucking it!

Because I'm clinging to the hope that really ... it's the thought that counts. Right?!

Right??? :)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

"It's a helluva day at sea, Sir!"*

Not only has it been a "helluva day" ... it's been a "helluva WEEK"! Holy bejebus!

Work is crazy ....

......After Work is crazy.

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

But I promise I'll get around to posting a real post soon. Must tell you about the Guns N Roses concert Monday night/Tuesday morning (uhhh yeah).

Oh, and post a picture of the finished Sock Wiener Dog! (please note that I use the term "dog" loosely)

I'm sure there is more. But for now ... I head off into a work meeting. Sigh.

But I hope y'all are having a great week! I'll be back soon, I promise!!!

*this quote is taken from which "cheesy but I can't resist watching it whenever it's on" 80's movie???

Friday, December 08, 2006

There are "fallacies" and then there are "phallicies"

And I do believe I've been surrounded by "phallicies" lately.

Take for instance this second amaryllis bulb I planted. I was going to give it away as a gift but realized I didn't feel right giving away something so pornographic to the intended recipient.

Especially now that the amaryllis has outgrown its "cramped in a box for too long" curve and is now standing fully erect (ahem).

I am, however, apparently okay with giving away porn to children. Maybe because I don't mean to.

For instance, look at this:

This is supposed to be a stuffed sock dog.

click to enlarge ... that toe line at the top just slays me!

No, really. A dog.

(it's okay, I'll wait until you finish laughing)

[*insert jeopardy timer music*]

(Done? Need a Kleenex to wipe the laughter tears? It is a knee-slapper, I'll give you that.)

I was minding my own business, happily cutting, sewing, and stuffing along just as the pattern called for ... and ended up with this spotted dick. (not to be confused with Spotted Dick).

And I know ... I know ... I hear all you potential recipients out there muttering "for the love of jebus, PLEASE don't let her be making that for my child."

Rest assured, folks, rest assured ... only one of you gets the "honor" of owning your very own Spotted Dick By Kat for your beloved child.

And that unlucky .... errr, lucky... person would be .... (*insert drum roll*) .......... T1!

HAHAHA. Sorry, chica. It's supposed to be a DOG! I SWEAR! I'm going to try sewing ears, eyes and a tail on it in the hopes that it magically transforms into a mini-Penny ..... but please don't call the cops on me if instead you find that I've shipped porn across state lines to a minor.

My intentions were good .... really! :)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Only slightly more fascinating than watching paint dry

Yep, instead of making you watch paint dry on this here blog (and don't think I haven't thought about it because ya know me and the painting), I've decided to let you watch a plant grow.

Whoo hooo! Does it GET any more exciting than this? Oh, I think not. :)

Here's the scoop.

I was raving to my friend T2 about how excited I was that a paperwhite bulb I had purchased to grow indoors but a mere couple of weeks ago has already turned into full blown paperwhites! And I am Oh So Excited because I actually grew something INDOORS. Without killing it. And it grew FAST. And I loves it. See?

(please disregard the soil on the floor. The gorgeous paperwhites had just tipped over because they have grown way too tall for this cheap-ass planter the bulb came with. So whenever the soil gets sufficiently dry ... it tips over.

On the plus side ... this is an idiot proof way for me to know when they need water! (heh))

ANYWAY, so I told T2 that I was thinking of buying an amaryllis bulb next so I could have some Amaryllis Joy to add to my Paperwhites Joy (y'all ... I REALLY need to get out more!)

So anyway, that same day she surprised me with one! (thanks T2)

And so For Your Viewing Pleasure ..... I give you (*insert drum roll please*) The Potting Of The Amaryllis Bulb. (HEY ... it was either this or a post about how sad The Kim Family Saga, which I've been on the edge of my seat following the last couple of days, turned out to be. Trust me ... this is better!)

First off ... here's the box illustrating what my bulb should flower into.

Pretty right?

And the bulb itself:

Now stay with me ... here is where it gets exciting*....

Check this out. It's the soil that came with the bulb.

Isn't that crazy?? It says you just soak it in 2 1/2 cups of water and it turns into the appropriate amount of potting soil. What will they think of next???

After 1/2 hours......

After an hour....

After an hour and a half (I think ... there may have been some TV distraction somewhere in here)...

Ta da! My potted amaryllis!

Now aren't y'all glad you stuck around for that?? Yeahhhhh, I thought so! I'm sure I'll just be overloaded with emails each day inquiring into just how tall it's grown, right?! Right! ;)

But don't you worry none ... I'll be sure to post about it. (heh). (seriously, send me a boyfriend. QUICK! :))

*okay ... "exciting" may be a relative description. :)

Monday, December 04, 2006

Rationalization at its finest

Did y'all see the article today about the man accused of being a child molester?? Yeah, he said he did it because "my wife was never home" ... because she was out playing bingo.

HA! Man, yeah, THERE'S an excuse for molesting children. "My wife was out playing bingo so I guess I'll molest a kid". Makes perfect sense to me! (NOT!).

What the hell is this world coming to when there is NO sense of personal responsibility like that?! Where someone thinks molesting a kid is okay because he's bored?!!

There IS knitting to combat boredom, ya know?! And that doesn't scar a kid for life* .... nor get your ass thrown in jail!

Sheesh a peesh.

Just sayin' is all.

*well, there is that argument that making a child wear some hideous home knit monstrosity could do it .... kinda like the polyester pants nightmares I still have. But IN GENERAL ....