Monday, January 29, 2007

Diets Rock!

So, some awesome news on my diet! I have lost 9 pounds as of this morning! Whoo hooooo! And I'm already beginning to notice a difference in my body!

Yep, just this morning I realized that even though my pants fit the same, my boobs are smaller and so are my wrists!

How awesome is that!?!

Because, really, everyone knows boobs are overrated.

And if my friends have to hear me whine AGAIN this season while we're out bathing suit shopping about just how fat each bathing suit makes my wrists look ... why they just might up and disown me.

So it is a great day in Diet Land, don't think it isn't!!!!

Buh-bye Gorgeous Boobs! Buh-bye Thicker Wrists!! Fatty Ass and Cellulite Thighs wanted me to thank you for stopping by and to wish you well!! Adieu!!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Fondant icing looks pretty ....

.... but it certainly doesn't taste pretty. What's up with that??

Is there some trick that I am missing with regard to using fondant?? Because it IS easy to use. And fun! And makes the cake look great.

I mean, just look at how cute* this cake came out:

But hello .... the fondant tastes like crap! And it's chewy. What's up with that??

And everyone knows that the icing is (supposed to be) the best part!

To anyone In The Know ... help! Am I supposed to use it over a really thick layer of buttercream? Or just have one cake for show and one (with buttercream) to eat? I don't get it. Inquiring minds want to know.

I was using Wilton's fondant icing ... already premade. Maybe I should be making my own??

Though on the bright side, I do like using the fondant to make the roses. Here's my first (and only, at this point).

Hmmm, maybe going forward I can make cakes with buttercream icing .... then use some fondant only to create some of the decorations (as opposed to covering the entire cake in it)?? Or would the mix of the two different types of icing look too odd? Blasted! I will figure this out ... don't think I won't! Off to ponder............ :)

* [*toot toot*] (the sound of my own horn! ;))

Friday, January 19, 2007

Slap the handcuffs on me ... I'm a criminal!

I don't know if y'all have heard, but Oregon has been dealing with some crazy-ass weather lately. Granted, "crazy-ass weather" to us Portlanders equals "a light dusting of snow" to most of the rest of you folks in these here United States. But it has certainly shut this here city down ... for days!

Case in point, did you guys see this video captured in downtown Portland on Tuesday morning? Hee-larious. I tell ya ... we just don't know what to do in snow. At all.

Even CJ was a bit discombobulated by the chill. Check out this video I shot while trapped at home Tuesday on a "snow day". (yes, I'm pretty dang sure the cats are VERY happy to have the roads clear again. I think I nearly drove them insane with my cabin fever! :))

Poor the kitty. Just wanted to lay on the deck soaking up some rays (don't you worry, kitty ... just another 4 or 5 months of rain and then you'll be able to do just that! )

Anyway, on to the story!

So I managed to make it into work on Wednesday but chose not to drive anywhere for lunch since the roads were still very dicey. So I walked down to a grocery store instead to grab a few items since all I had in my house were about eleventeen hundred bags of Top Ramen that I'm fairly certain are about 10 years old (?? ... I do not know ... sale at Costco???) and a dozen un-frosted cupcakes which I had made the day before out of leftover batter and planned on taking into the office so I wouldn't eat them. Cuz ya know ... diet. (yeah, I'm pretty sure y'all don't need to ask what my meals consisted of while I was trapped at home, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so. Frosting be damned, I say!)

ANYWAY, so I did a little grocery shopping, paid the checker, scooped up the two bags of groceries and headed out to my car. Stored those in the trunk and went back to work.

So I get home that night and start to unpack the groceries. When I notice that one of the bags does not resemble at ALL anything I purchased. The other bag, on the other hand, actually contained every item I did purchase. Which could only mean one thing ... I stole someone's groceries!!!

The incriminating evidence

Mr Police Officer, seriously, I didn't mean to. I wasn't paying attention to The Checker bagging my stuff because I was busy fighting with the debit card machine. And hello .... I was left to my own devices to gather the bags ... and I purchased enough that it could have been two small plastic bags. And who leaves someone else's bag of groceries sitting right there?? Huh? Did the person prior to me forget one? Or was that set there for the employee? Their lunch maybe?

All I know is .... I've left the bag sitting on my kitchen counter because I just don't know what to do with it. I pondered taking it back the next day but forgot to take it with me to work. (Not that I wanted to do that anyway. They'd probably think I was lame.) But now ... hello!.... it's been DAYS. And who does it belong to?? Argh.

It's not like I'm making excuses because I want any of the items in the bag either (had it been a box of Ding Dongs my choice would have been simpler (and my thighs fatter), know what I'm sayin'??) But I don't even want any of it. I guess at this point I could give the items to a friend. But then am I dealing stolen property?? And is it "stolen property" if it wasn't meant to be stolen?

I tell ya .... too many questions I say. And I only have one answer. That being to the question "will I ever be shopping in that particular store again??" And the answer is ..... say it with me ..... "NO"! :)

Yep, I'm going to be thrown in the poky for sure.

["Pssst. Hey you, come here." (*quickly glances over shoulder for any sign of the po-po before opening raincoat to show groceries hanging on insides of coat.*) "I can make you a great deal on some sweet maui onions. How about some egg flower soup? A nice Diet Coke perhaps??? What do you say???" ]

Thursday, January 11, 2007

My NEW new favorite quote

I was just trying to get caught up on some blogs and read the most hysterical quote ever! I can't stop giggling! So I thought I'd share.

Apparently MeLissa's office had a white elephant gift exchange and she found herself for a short period of time in possession of a doormat which had the following quote on it.....

Are you ready??

It was:

"well butter my butt and call me a biscuit"


Y'all .... I can't stop giggling! That just cracks me up.

And sadly .... you could probably actually butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Though you'd have to call me the uncooked kind. Ain't much tanning going on down there, ya understand. (As well as ... well .... have I mentioned yet that diets suck?? :))

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Diets suck!

Well, at least that's what my Sobe Lean bottle cap said. See?

And I must admit ... I agree. I WAS doing awesome on my diet. Wasn't even craving any of the bad foods and the weight was steadily coming off. I was THRILLED.

Until ........I had a frickin' dream about eating chocolate and woke up to find that I weighed a whole pound more than I did the two prior days. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???

Maybe I'll try this new diet plan instead. It's called The Purina Diet. What do you think?? :)

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Dear next year's Christmas gift recipients.... apologies in advance with regard to the bows.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year, y'all!!!

I know, I know ... I have been Blog Post Challenged lately ... what with all the holiday festivities and travel and all.

So here's a quick update of all that has gone on lately to bring you up-to-date.

First off ... Christmas in Laughlin again.

All of my time was spent with the family so I don't have any racy tales for you (not that there were any before ..... but there COULD have been .... just sayin'! ;))

We made some cookies:

The snowman's hat looks suspiciously like the Sheep Shit Hat, non??

The kids put theirs out for Santa:

And freaked when Santa left each a thank you note....

I'm fairly certain that the similarity between Santa's handwriting and my mom's handwriting is simply coincidental. :)

Y'all ... dealing with the kids was just a HOOT with regard to this Santa thing. Granted, my nephew is getting fairly skeptical of it but my niece was completely into it. She kept making me check Norad's Santa Tracking Site for the latest updates and once it reported that Santa had made it to Florida she was off to bed like a shot so she could be certain to be asleep before he got to Laughlin! HAHA! Too cute!

(Speaking of "too cute" ... I was walking through the Vegas airport and spotted a poster for the Chippendale dancers. A little girl must have spotted it at the same time because I heard her query her mom, " Mom, I thought the Chippendales were squirrels!". HAHAHAHAHA! I was silently laughing so hard I couldn't focus on her mom's reply. Kids. :))

Another crafty creation on this trip was a whole family of the Rudolph Cocoa Reindeer. Created by my mom ... very cute.

And since there was also a trip to Kingman for some yarn....

... there was also a scarf! Whoohoo! I love it!

Also on the trip to Kingman we found this rock formation ... which has been nicknamed "The Finger":

"I flip you off, you mobile beings you"

And Route 66:

And my first foray into the restaurant The Cracker Barrel:

That's some good "stick-to-yer-ribs Southern cookin'" is what that is. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm.

Let's see ... what else about the Laughlin trip? Oh, check this out:

I found that sign in Portland Airport's restroom. Isn't that quirky? I find it simply hysterical that they actually used the reference of "#1" and "#2" ... ya know, for "liquid waste" and for "solid waste". HAHAHA! Just how many meetings do you think they had to have with regard to that before they allowed that through. You know management probably wanted to veto that.

Oh, and last but not least on the trip, I thought you'd all enjoy seeing Pom Pom all grown'd up!

That's about it for the trip. Oh, here's the pictures I can finally post of the Christmas knitting.

I made this fun pink scarf for my friend T2:

And I made a version of the purl scarf in grey and black for my work buddy ... though apparently I didn't first take a picture of it. Hmmm.

And then for my family's "homemade" gifts ... I cheated.

Well, that's not entirely true ... I prefer to think that I found a loophole! ;)!

I made them these quick and easy drawstring pouches and then put something inside them as an example of what they could use them for. In this case, I put in gift cards. But the gift cards weren't the gift ... no,no ... the pouch was. HA! :)

Even though they were simple, I was pretty damn proud of them because I just made up the pattern. I decided to use the beginning of the baby bootie pattern found in Last Minute Knitted Gifts and then just improvised with some decreases and a yarn change to finish the pouch. The drawstring was inspired by the shaping of the neck from the stuffed bunny pattern also found in Last Minute Knitted Gifts (have I mentioned how much I love that book??). And voila ... cute little drawstring pouch!

I also made some homemade limoncello for my mom and for Buck. I'm not sure that "homemade" gift was quite the hit I was going for. Perhaps due to it looking a tad too much like urine. With little bits of lemon pulp floating around in it. Ah well ... it's the thought that counts, right?? :)

Since I've been back, I've been trying to get organized. I did manage to paint my office this weekend. Though I was very sick all weekend (yep, Happy New Year to me!!) so what should have taken me 4 hours took 2 days! Crazy! I had to keep stopping because of lightheadness and feverish and low energy. But I did it! So now I can actually unpack the office stuff and get organized! Whoo hooo!

And I've also been working on setting up a blog for my family. My mom convinced us daughters to do a weightloss challenge with her starting yesterday! BAH! So we are all competing to see who can lose the highest percentage of fat in the next 12 weeks. Wish me luck... it's only Day 2 and I'm already gnawing on my desk! ;)

Okay, I think that gets you all caught up! I hope y'all had a fantabulous New Years and I wish you the best for 2007!!!

[update 1/3 11:50 am: per Buck's request ... the pictures of the Lucky-meister.

I didn't originally post because this first one just doesn't do Lucky justice.

And these two, though cracking me up, kinda leave other folks just scratching their heads as to what they are seeing (hint: Lucky and I are wrestling around. Sadly, even though I outweigh Lucky by ... errrr .... a lot (ahem) .... Lucky is winning! :))]