Thursday, June 23, 2005

Lady, I'm just a dork ... deal with it!

Okay, so I went to the post office today to turn in my renewal application for my passport which had expired several years ago. (I'd meant to get it renewed long before now but Mr Passport Picture Taker at Costco kept taking lousy pictures of me (oh yes he did. His fault! Couldn't be mine. Definitely. Cuz seriously, surely one of you would have TOLD me if I normally walked around looking like a deer caught in headlights .....or had that many chins .......or hair that looked glued to my head. Right? Right. That's what I thought. See? that Passport Picture Taker at Costco was doing something to mess with them during printing. That bastard!).

But anyway, now that I'm planning a trip outta country, it's crunch time. So I HAD to relunctantly accept the next photo of me ... this time from Ms Passport Picture Taker at Costco. She wasn't AS cruel .... though why she too thought an extra chin would be funny is beyond me. And is my hair really that short?? Whatever.

So with two copies of said photo (sigh), old passport, proof of name change, filled in applications and checkbook in hand, I rushed down to the downtown post office during my lunch hour to get it all taken care of. So I wait in the passport line, I wait in
the passport line, I wait in the passport line, I wait in the passport line ......only to be told that I need to mail it in! (Even though I'm RIGHT THERE ... with EVERYTHING ... and Mr Passport Acceptor Guy accepted everyone else's applications... but not mine. (I think it was because of the hideous photos!)


So Mr Passport Acceptor Guy Of Everyone But Mine suggested I grab an envelope and mail them while I'm at the post office. Couldn't argue with that logic. So I did. Grab an envelope that is. And it had to be big to accommodate the 8 1/2 x11 (or whatever) size papers. The one I grabbed had two pieces of cardboard in it. I was fine with that. Filled out the envelope and was about to shove the paperwork in there when I thought "why pay postage for two pieces of cardboard when I don't really need the extra protection for mere paperwork" (yes, yes ... I know the passport photos are in there too but really ... damage would do nothing but improve them, in my humble opinion). So out came the cardboard, in went the paperwork, off came the strip to seal the envelope and off I went to stand in another line to mail the dang thing.

So I wait, I wait, I wait ..... only to remember halfway through the regular postal line that I had forgotten to put the check in the envelope. Yeah. So outta line I went, wrote the check, partially reopened already sealed envelope, wrestled check inside, resealed as best as possible and back to the end of the line.

Which all leads me up to Ms. Postal Clerk. All seemed well until she asked if I needed to be charged for the envelope. Well, no ... I don't NEED to be charged for it but I certainly OWE for it. Err, but I digress. Here's what the verbal exchange went like:

Ms Postal Clerk: "Do you need to be charged for the envelope?"

Me (what I thought): "No"
Me (what I said): "Yes"


Ms Postal Clerk: "Do you know this is a photo mailer?"

Me: "No"


Ms Postal Clerk: "Did it have cardboard in it?"

Me: "Yes"


Ms Postal Clerk: "There are other envelopes over there without the cardboard"

Me (what I thought): "How does that f'in matter to me NOW??"
Me (what I said): "Oh" (obviously I'd not had any caffeine at this point)

Ms Postal Clerk: "It's $1.99"

Me (what I thought): "I don't care if it's ONE HUNDRED BUCKS right now ... just get it mailed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me (what I said): "Okay"

(here, due to a VERY long pause, I'm thinking I'm free and clear and about to be finished)

Ms Postal Clerk: "What did you do with the cardboard?"

Me (what I thought): "WHY, Ms Postal Lady, does this REALLY matter????? Are you with the cardboard cops or something?? Just F'IN CHARGE ME the $1.99, go collect the cardboard from that little garbage bin over there, buy a non-photo mailer and put the free cardboard in it and you've SCORED yourself a photo mailer envelope for the price of a regular one!!! But PLEASEEEEE, for the love of GODDDD, JUST FLIPPIN' MAIL MY PASSPORT RENEWAL STUFF, WOULD YA HUH?!"
Me (what I said): "In the trash over there"

And with a "oh, you're the craziest chick I've ever seen" look from Ms Postal Clerk I was on my way.

Why can't people just accept that sometimes I'm a dork and not make a fuss over it. Just accept it, Ms Postal Clerk ... I can't be helped. Sometimes I buy photo mailers when I don't need to. If you think that's bad, you obviously haven't read the shopping cart incident yet. Dorkiness happens. Move along. Just please make sure my renewal application gets to where it's going, okay?!!


Sis said...

Oh, you definitely have more patience than me because I would have thrown a hissy fit at the Passport Acceptor Guy for not taking my passport application.

I have figured out why they have metal detectors at the post office. It is so we don't bring in a gun to kill ourselves after talking to the clerks there.

One of my latest conversations at the post office:

Me: Can I have 5 sheets of 60 cent stamps please?

Mr Postal Clerk: Oh, we don't sell stamps at the counter anymore.

Me: Uhhhh. What?

Mr Postal Clerk: You see that wall over there? You have to get your stamps off of the wall and then stand in line to pay for them.

Me: So you are not selling stamps at the counter of the post office anymore?

Mr Postal Clerk (patiently): No. You have to get them off of the wall. We can't supply stamps over the counter anymore.

Me (incredulous): Well, that's pretty silly isn't it?

Mr Postal Clerk (with hurt feelings): I don't make the rules here.

Me: But if I buy the stamps off of the wall, then I have to buy the cardboard and the plastic along with each sheet of stamps instead of just the stamps. Then I will have to drive to the recycling center to recycle the cardboard. (No curbside recycling here, and, yes, dorkiness must run in the family because I really said this. I never said that I was good under pressure.)

Postal Clerk: Well, we don't make you pay for the cardboard.

Me: (slinking away with tail between my legs)

I am determined to start buying my stamps online. It is just the principle of the thing.

Kat said...

If you buy them online do you have to pay for shipping? Which, in other words, would be paying for postage on your postage! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA.

(Dang postal people!)

d said...

I love this family. =)