Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The shopping cart

While on the subject of stores I can no longer frequent ....

So my friend Buck* and I are browsing the local Freddies**. We've got a shopping cart, have browsed a few things, have placed quite a number of large items in our cart and are now stopped on the throw rug aisle perusing the selection. I'm undecided (have you found a theme in me yet peeps?? :)) and can't decide between the one Buck already owns and a similar but funkier one. Buck really wants me to get the one he has but can see that I'm going to be awhile trying to decide so he leaves me vascillating between the two while he wanders off to continue shopping. I finally decide on the funkier one (sorry Buck!), cram this into the cart and head off to browse elsewhere.

So I'm browsing, I'm browsing, I'm browsing, I'm browsing, I'm browsing. I think I've hit the seasonal aisles, the clothing section, the garden area and some of the housewares. On my way to another section I spot Buck towards the back of the store and so head back to touch base and deal with the exclamation of "WHAT?!" from him because I'm buying the other rug.

As I approach, I see his eyes shift from me to the cart I'm pushing and so I keep watching his face with an amused smile on my lips as I wait to see his reaction to my rug choice. So I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. But his eyes are remaining absolutely GLUED to the cart. But I'm stubborn ... I can wait (don't think I can't!).

So I wait. I wait. I wait. NUTHIN'! BUPKUS!! NADA!!!
So I wait some more.

(foot tap, foot tap, foot tap)

STILL nothing!! WTF?!!

SO ... (being that I lied to you folks about being able to wait (my middle name is DEFINITELY not "Patience")) ...... I look down into the cart to see what the hell he's staring at with such a confused expression on his face (I mean, how difficult is it to deal with me buying a different rug here, people??). Only, I find myself dumbfounded as well. Why OH WHY are the only items in THIS cart a neatly folded pair of men's Dockers and a pair of sunglasses placed dead center on top of them! HOLY CRAP! Oh, I know why ..... because
THIS AIN'T OUR CART!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And so I ask ..... with the reddest face EVER ......how long have I been pushing some stranger's cart around???? What the hell happened to our cart???? And how did I not even notice??? (truly! ... ours was overflowing with stuff!!! While obviously this one was not!)

I mean, SERIOUSLY ... it would appear that I took this cart way back in the clothing section (based on the articles of clothing in this cart) ... so I've been pushing this stranger's cart around for a good ... oh ... 20 minutes or so? That's CRAZY!

But a more important question is ..... what do I do with the cart NOW?! Personally I want to ditch it here at the back of the store and pretend I don't know what happened (good manners leap RIGHT out the window when one is completely red-faced, people!!!). BUT .... dang Buck thinks I should take it back at least to the clothing section (NOW he chooses to be a man of principle ... damn him!) Plus he wants our cart because of the items he has in it.

Sooooo, as paranoid as I am that I'll be caught by the owner of the mystery cart, I grudgingly agree. So we quickly stroll back towards the clothing section and AS SOON AS (I'm talking I see one shirt twenty feet away!) we are close I leave the cart (yes, mid aisle) and keep walking, not even missing a stride.

So we keep walking while trying to ("nonchalantly" as I keep hissing to Buck under my breath) look for our cart in the process. But before we can find it ... I spot
THE stranger. Yep, definitely him .... he's walking towards us and I'm thinking he's NOT looking very happy (oops). After again pleadingly whispering to Buck to look oblivious, we pass the stranger without giving on to our knowledge of why he's glaring at everyone with his venomous look of suspicion (again, sorry Mr Stranger .... my bad).

Luckily, in his wake, I spot
our cart (also mid-aisle I'd like to note) and we grab that up (after Mr Stranger has turned the corner) and book it outta the store!!!!!!!! (after paying of course!!!) :)

And that is why I won't frequent that particular Freddies anymore!


*"Buck" is not his real name ... just the name he said I could use for him in my blog. And no ... I did not ask him if his pseudo last name was "Nekked"! I am, however, guessing that if I HAD he would have said "yes"!

**"Freddies" (slang for Fred Meyers) is a grocery/clothing/housewares/yarn/garden center/etc kinda store. On par with a Tar-jay ... with just more stuff!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Honey, you're running out of places to shop. You better not do anything stupid at IKEA!!!!

Sis said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Love it!