Friday, August 12, 2005

For the non-Bruce fans

For putting up with my Bruce post, here's some Craigslist bashing for your viewing pleasure (or disgust ... as the case may be!) ;)

Enjoy!

LOOKING FOR A CUTE FACE SMALL WAIST, BIG BEHIND

Reply to: anon-@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 11:24AM PDT

JUST BROKE UP A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, AND AM LOOKING TO SEE WHATS OUT THERE,IM LOOKING 4 SOMEONE WHO IS UNEIQE AND OPEN MINDED, SHE SHOULD HAVE A GOOD
OUTLOOK ON LIFE AND NOT JUDGEMENTALL. I,M FIT IN SHAPE 5/9-162 AND PLEASE
SEND ME YOUR PIC, AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1

[yes, she should be open minded and not judgmental ... but by god let only the cute faced, small waisted and big behind women with more than one picture so he can judge, judge, judge apply!]

pigs in a blanket, beach blanket bingo, snakes in the grass - 45

[uh, no! But let's read further]

Reply to: anon-@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 10:42AM PDT

I'm looking an exclamation point type of woman. [damnit. I'm pretty sure I'd be the question mark type (HEY! No agreeing comments needed from the peanut gallery on this one, okay!?)]
Please send your 1000 words via a pic if you would. [huh?!]
Elvis has left the building. [and so have I...]

Cuties and Hotties Only!

[I'm sure this should have been "Cuties and Hotties for a Very Deep and Meaningful Non-Superficial Relationship Only", right?]

Looking for a woman who looks great in pigtails - 35

[huh. Well that's not me right now what with the short hair and all .... but let's give your post a whirl and see what we find]

Reply to: anon-@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 7:37AM PDT

I am looking for a woman to hang out with and hopefully someone to develope a lasting relationship with. She has no kids, age 20's to early 30's, good natured, good sense of humor, intelligent, teeth and hair, attractive, vuluptuous welcome but not fat - meaning no more than 5-7 lbs over weight and in proportion,liberal,has interests,likes sushie, likes to be active outdoors, she likes to hang out downtown Portland at times, likes to watch games at PGE park but not a sports junky, likes beer and wine but not an alchiholic, and not snotty.

In short:I want a healthy woman, attractive by most standards - don't have to be a model (models welcome though).

I'm a laid back ..... [blah, blah, blah. You lost me here, dude. Because for someone claiming to be "laid back" you are pretty darn uppity and demanding about what you want. I mean, seriously ..... look at that first paragraph! Holy Schnickety! You are The Anti-Laid Back ... trust me on this]

Married motorcycle man wants mistress - 40

[honesty = good. Cheater = BAD, BAD, BAD!! You suck, Mr Married Motorcycle Man]

Do you fuck on the first date? - 35

[ah, another man looking for a meaningful relationship. I just can't get enough of y'all. Sigh]

swm seeking nudist female for long term relationship - 35

Reply to: anon-@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 3:19PM PDT

I am a swm 35, 5'10", 210 lbs. Very short brown hair and brown eyes..Clean shaven, full lips and dress and act casual. I am a very honest and open person.I have a little bit of a gut but am generally average build. I do not drink or use drugs but I do smoke. Seeking a female any age, weight race or looks for a long term relationship. One who is a nudist, voyeur, exhibitionist. Please be sincere in your response and enclose a photo which I will reciprocate

[he's looking for a nudist ... and yet he says he dresses casually. Hmmmm. Odd to anyone else?]

Mr Wrong - 48

[yep!]

extraordinary guy in quest for sexy babe of vast erudition - 32

[shit, where's my dictionary?!]

Wealthy Handsome Bachelor Seeks Beautiful Woman to Spoil F 25-39

[ahh, you know how I just LOVE to pick on the men that think buying women is okay]

Reply to: anon-@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 11:21AM PDT

Wealthy Bachelor Seeks Beautiful Woman to Spoil F 25-39:
I'm sincerely looking for an fairly intelligent, very attractive, shapely woman [hehehe. Did you catch that?! "FAIRLY intelligent" and yet "VERY attractive". How about those priorities??...lol] to take great care of in a mutually benficial relationship [hey, wait a minute, Mr Wealthy Handsome Bachelor ... you forgot to insert the dollar signs here. Normally it's "mutually benefi$ial". Just sayin'.], that I hope would grow into much, much more.

I like to have fun, eat in great restaurants, listen to great live music, and shop in the better stores. I also like to travel to fun places, and enjoy the company of a sincere, honest, caring attractive and warm, sensual woman.

If we click and something great develops you won't have to worry about bills, a nice car, nice clothes or credit cards....I'll take care of all that kind of stuff.....You just worry about looking nice for me, taking great care of yourself, and taking great care of me....while I take great care of you. [look Ma ... I can be a prostitute! Whoo hooo!]

I'm sincere, single and only recently available after having ended by my choice, a long term relationship, and have just begun looking for one special woman to develop a great relationship with. ["GREAT relationship"?? Huh? What am I missing here .... I thought you were looking to buy someone]

If you're real, and sincere, and have an interest in learning more, please reply with recent clear pic's and some profile information.

I'll reply with my pic's and info. and we can go from there.

Thanks for your time and thoughtful consideration. [No, No ... thank YOU, Mr Blog Fodder]

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