Because Reality sometimes sucks

...and it's depressing to hear about more bomb explosions in London (you SUCK, Terrorists ... there is NO excuse for doing that kinda stuff ever. EVER) and so I am serving up shallow, meaningless celebrity gossip as a cheesy diversion. (Who ME?...live in Denial? ... What? Never.)

First up this week:

Sandra Bullock gets married to Monster Garage's Jesse James

Okay, work with me, Sandy (she let's me call her "Sandy"*). Let's review ... you had this......

but instead you went with this.....

What the F?? SERIOUSLY! Hello?... Matthew McConaughey to Jesse James. Sigh. I mean, I'm sure Jesse is a great guy and all (okay, well maybe I'm not really sure .. what based on that picture and all ... but at least he did leave his porn star wife for you (ack)) ...... but M.A.T.T.H.E.W. M.C.C.O.N.A.U.G.H.E.Y. I'm just sayin'. I couldn't even just pick ONE picture ... I had to go with three.

So talk to me next time before you do something so crazy, would ya?!

Next up:

Jude Law admits cheating with nanny

Seriously, Sienna, did you not see this one coming? I mean, if he wasn't cheating on his wife Sadie with you when ya'll were filming Alfie (now I have no proof of this ... but I AM highly suspicious) then the rumor mill regarding his philandering ways at that time should have clued you in. Really.

I mean, I know, I know ... that damn bed head look he's got going on in Alfie is yummy to say the least. But he's a cheater. Don't be falling for a cheater. You deserve better. Really. And the bright side is you found out now before ya'll were legal. AND you got to enjoy the Judeness for quite some time. (of which I must admit I am disgustingly jealous). Because, uh yeah ... very yummy.

But bad, Jude. Bad.

Ah, the Col-ster....

Colin Farrell and His Sex Tape

My favorite quote from this article is:

"The lawsuit also says the release of the videotape would irreparably harm Farrell's reputation and career, and he is demanding that all copies of the tape be returned to him."

His reputation? Uh HELLO! His reputation is of a "bad boy". Isn't this par for the course?!.

I'm thinking the issue isn't his "reputation and career" ... it's probably one of two things:

a) Wee Willy Winky is actually Wee. (poor da Colin) OR
b)The sex tape is only 15 minutes. That's turning on the video, foreplay, the actual "act" and the recuperating enough to get the energy to go turn off the video camera. Seriously Col .... that's just sad. Ya'll even knew you were taping it for all of posterity. Which I would think would mean that you would put more effort into it. And yet still ... it's only 15 minutes. Sigh. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Why that IS embarrassing.

This one I'm happy about:

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson Engaged ... Again?

Because if there are two people perfect for each other .... these are it! So ya'll get married again for the third time, have mucho sex, beat the crap outta each other (just not in front of the kids) and spare two other people out there from either of your's craziness. Please.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes:

Ya'll didn't think there wouldn't be any new news on Tom and Katie, now did ya?! Of COURSE not ... because there is no escape from The Tom (and Katie) Show. Sigh.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Want a Baby

Aren't ya'll carrying this sham a little far?! Please stop now. You're distracting all the gossip seekers from the more interesting story of Brad and Jolie. K? (They must admit at some point that they're a couple ... they must. I mean, we all know.)

Which leads me to this depressing thought. So when women like Jennifer Aniston, Sienna Miller and Elizabeth Hurley (ie can you say all "drop dead gorgeous"?) get cheated on by men .... what chances do us normal folk have??! Yeah. (HEY ... who let Reality back in??)


* OH FINE! She doesn't "let" me but since we don't know each other ... and in all likelihood never will ... who's to tell?? :). Ya'll won't, right? Right! See. :)