Thursday, July 28, 2005

Check Please!

"Check Please" kinda sums up my blind date with Internet Guy (IG) last night. Actually that was said a little too mellowly*. This would be a more accurate summation:

My Inner Voice (MIV): "Ah shit, not only is he not the one ... he's not even someone I'm gonna wanna spend any platonic time with. I mean, I'm sure he's a nice guy and all .... but there is just NOTHING here."

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I haven't eaten. Food would be good. Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "NOOOOO! Don't order FOOOOOD! Just a drink! I don't want to be here any longer than necessary!!!!! STOP!!!!!"

IG: "Yes, Mr Waiter, I'll have the steak"

MIV: "F!!!!!!!!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "For the LOVE OF GOD, can you NOT eat ANY FASTER??????!!!!!!!!!!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Sweet! He's ALMOST done! FINALLY! CHECK PLEASE!!!"

IG: "Why yes, Mr Waiter, I would love another beer"

MIV: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP ME! NOT ANOTHER DRINK! THE END WAS IN SIGHT!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Stop talking and DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Okay, he's almost done with this beer and it's getting late. Where's the waiter with the check???"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Check! Check! Check! Check!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "For the LOVE of all that is GOOD, where the HELL is our waiter with the check????????????"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Check! Check! Check! CHECKKKKKKKKKK!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah. Oh, excuse me, I must use the little boy's room"

MIV: "Okay, here's my chance. Must. Catch. Waiter's. Eye. And. Indicate. Check. Please! But where is the waiter?? Oh there he is. Come onnnnnn, Mr Waiter, look at me. Waiter! Waiter! Waiter! Waiter!!! F!!!!! He didn't look and wandered behind the bar! PLEASE GOD! Let SOMEONE come over here so I can get the check before IG gets back!! Anyone?? Anyone??? I'm running outta time here. He'll be back any second!!! Come onnnnnnnnnnn. WHEW! This person works here."

Me: "Excuse me, can we get the check, please"
MIV: "NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Waitress: "Oh, okay ... sure"

Waitress to Mr Waiter as IG is walking past: "Table So-And-So would like their check"

MIV: "Oh crap! Did he HEAR that??"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Whew. I don't think so"

Mr Waiter: "Here's the check. Would you like anything else?"

MIV: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

IG: "No thanks."

MIV: "THANK GOD"

Check gets paid.

MIV: "SWEET! I'm free!!!! But wait .... why is he still sitting there?"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Are ya KIDDIN' ME?!?!"

And so there you have it. Over 2 1/2 hours of Dulldom. Again, nice guy and all ..... just no spark of any kind of connection at all. AT ALL.

Sigh.

Next?


* is that a word?? If not, consider it one now! Cuz y'all know what I mean by it, right?! Right.

10 comments:

T2 said...

YIKES!! So, Ferrari wouldda been better I'm sensing... :(

Cty said...

Sorry it was so dull. You've gotta wonder why the guy never realizes how little of a connection there is. Was he prolonging it because he thought there was one?

ms c said...

i think cty has a point there. you didn't feel a connection but it sounds like maybe he did.

you need to have an "out" for these kind of situations like when he mentioned food you could've said "oh i thought we were just meeting for a drink because i have to get to my [fill-in-the-blank: AA, knitting, shrink, parents-without-partners, abducted-by-aliens] meeting."

Kat said...

T2: yes, sad, sad, sad that I coulda been out with Ferrari Guy cruising in the Ferrari instead. But no, no .. already committed to meet with IG so felt I had to go. BAH!

CTY: yeah, by the way he was looking like he wanted to kiss on me at the Oh Sweet Parting I think he felt some connection. Course, he's a full-time single dad of two kids ... he was probably just thrilled to be yapping with another adult! ;)

Ms C: CURSES that I'm a lousy liar. CURSES! But perhaps... [note to self: must setup meets at places with no food. Think Starbucks.]

ms c said...

he wanted to kiss you? so, at the oh sweet parting he leaned in and looked at your mouth kind of longingly? what did you do to get out of it? cough or something? poor guy.

and, btw, starbucks is a damn fine idea.

Kat said...

No, no definitive lean-in so I didn't have to do a blatant brush-off (which I probably wouldn't do unless the guy was a complete dick (which this guy wasn't) because I am not, no matter what you've heard, Completely Heartless. Really. :))

Anyway, so when I could see he was looking for his opening I put on my "I Know What You're Thinking And I Am Waiting Amused To See If You Have The Balls To Do It - Though Please Don't" face. It works like a charm.

Anonymous said...

Dudette its the PNW. Think Coffee. Or I don't know, a frap (you are the frap-girl). Dinner is oh so much commitment. Dinner is like stage 3. And always have your cell phone so your friend can call and bail you out.

Don't mean to Cliff Clavenish, but it comes naturally...
Mellowly:

Soft, sweet, juicy, and full-flavored because of ripeness: a mellow fruit.
Suggesting softness or sweetness: “The mellow air brought in the feel of imminent autumn” (Thomas Hardy).
Rich and soft in quality: a mellow sound; a mellow wine.
Having the gentleness, wisdom, or tolerance often characteristic of maturity.
Relaxed and unhurried; easygoing: a mellow friend; a mellow conversation.
Slang.
Slightly and pleasantly intoxicated.
Pleasantly high from a drug, especially from smoking marijuana.
Moist, rich, soft, and loamy. Used of soil.

lol. Are you a pot head?

Anonymous said...

Oops apparently dictionary.com lies! It says two entries for mellowly, but that looks like mellow to me. -Cliff

Kat said...

Thanks, Cliff! I knew I could count on you! ;)

Hey, and FOR THE RECORD, the meet with IG WAS supposed to be just for a drink. But alas, I chose poorly with regard to location I guess because, even though I was sitting in the bar area of the restaurant and even though we were meeting later in the evening (ya know, after dinner time), he still ordered a full on dinner. Sigh. I'm tellin' ya ... Starbucks. That's the ticket. I'm learnin'! :)

Carla said...

See, that is exactly what I am afraid of happening to me! I haven't internet dated because of this! What's a girl gonna do?