Check Please!

"Check Please" kinda sums up my blind date with Internet Guy (IG) last night. Actually that was said a little too mellowly*. This would be a more accurate summation:

My Inner Voice (MIV): "Ah shit, not only is he not the one ... he's not even someone I'm gonna wanna spend any platonic time with. I mean, I'm sure he's a nice guy and all .... but there is just NOTHING here."

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I haven't eaten. Food would be good. Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "NOOOOO! Don't order FOOOOOD! Just a drink! I don't want to be here any longer than necessary!!!!! STOP!!!!!"

IG: "Yes, Mr Waiter, I'll have the steak"

MIV: "F!!!!!!!!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "For the LOVE OF GOD, can you NOT eat ANY FASTER??????!!!!!!!!!!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Sweet! He's ALMOST done! FINALLY! CHECK PLEASE!!!"

IG: "Why yes, Mr Waiter, I would love another beer"

MIV: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP ME! NOT ANOTHER DRINK! THE END WAS IN SIGHT!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Stop talking and DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Okay, he's almost done with this beer and it's getting late. Where's the waiter with the check???"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Check! Check! Check! Check!!!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "For the LOVE of all that is GOOD, where the HELL is our waiter with the check????????????"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Check! Check! Check! CHECKKKKKKKKKK!"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah. Oh, excuse me, I must use the little boy's room"

MIV: "Okay, here's my chance. Must. Catch. Waiter's. Eye. And. Indicate. Check. Please! But where is the waiter?? Oh there he is. Come onnnnnn, Mr Waiter, look at me. Waiter! Waiter! Waiter! Waiter!!! F!!!!! He didn't look and wandered behind the bar! PLEASE GOD! Let SOMEONE come over here so I can get the check before IG gets back!! Anyone?? Anyone??? I'm running outta time here. He'll be back any second!!! Come onnnnnnnnnnn. WHEW! This person works here."

Me: "Excuse me, can we get the check, please"
MIV: "NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Waitress: "Oh, okay ... sure"

Waitress to Mr Waiter as IG is walking past: "Table So-And-So would like their check"

MIV: "Oh crap! Did he HEAR that??"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Whew. I don't think so"

Mr Waiter: "Here's the check. Would you like anything else?"

MIV: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

IG: "No thanks."

MIV: "THANK GOD"

Check gets paid.

MIV: "SWEET! I'm free!!!! But wait .... why is he still sitting there?"

IG: "Blahdy, blah, blah, blah"

MIV: "Are ya KIDDIN' ME?!?!"

And so there you have it. Over 2 1/2 hours of Dulldom. Again, nice guy and all ..... just no spark of any kind of connection at all. AT ALL.

Sigh.

Next?


* is that a word?? If not, consider it one now! Cuz y'all know what I mean by it, right?! Right.