Friday, July 22, 2005

Lovin' the Online Dating Sites (Not!)

More men I'll be passing up (because I'm crazy like that!!! :))

No girlly mon in heer.. (not far from u)

[okay, this one I needed to view a bit closer in the hopes that the ad itself would provide me with more of a clue as to what the hell he was saying in the title.]

Like I says, I'm no gurlly man.I know you dreem about my haard hot boddy.If yuu r lucky I wil, pick you or all of u. so call back at me yahaaa. O.yeaa ladies i also have a big a vardey larg bannanna.I could relly stuff your turcky if u now what i meen.HAHAHA send me your piciture and illshows u

[yeah, well ... guess I should have just stopped at the title, eh?? :)]

new to the market after 6 years of hell. lookin for a honest female - 27 (Beaverton)

[can you say "lots and LOTS of baggage"????]

hellow ladys ready for summer? check this out - 40 (salem)

[you're 40 and you can't spell "hello"?? (or "ladies" either but really ... "hello"? I'm just sayin']

[so I clicked on his ad ... of course. Because it just screamed "blog fodder"!!!]

hey ladys want to go for the ride of your life. and Im good looking. well Im waiting.

[okay, if you know there is a picture of a car to follow then you would perhaps naturally assume that "the ride of your life" might involve a Ferrari or a Lamborghini or a classic Jaguar or something really cool, right?? Wrong. Here's his idea of the car to be "the ride of your life". Just sad really.]

Okay, enough of the Craigslist guys. How about a little bit on the emails I've received recently?

Okay, here's an excerpt from a recent one:

ello im a single whoite male very careing and giving and honest. i dont play mind games at all. what you see is what you get. i have a cam im on yahoo right now if you would like to see me

[please note I did NOT cut off the first "h" of his paragraph. Yes, that's TWO who cannot spell "hello" today. And perhaps I'm not very web savvy but what's this whole "i have a cam im on yahoo" thing? Should "cam" be "photo"? Or does he mean "I have a web cam and I am on yahoo right now"? Either way ... uh, no thanks!]

And my favorite ... of which I don't have the actual text because I deleted it in disgust right away ... would be along the lines of:

I can make you *** [think "Big 'O'"] in less than 4 minutes. Email me.

[of course, his version went into a little more depth and (I'm fairly certain) was not spelled well .... but in this case he became blog fodder based solely on the context]

Sigh. So those are the recent picks. Though of course I do receive one or two emails from men that seem normal (I said "seem"!). Even meeting one tonight (STRESS!). Wish me luck!


ms c said...

those are priceless, ms frap girl. it does make me wonder what made you take a chance on tonight's date...did he offer to make you the "big O" in less than 4 mins? (Big O....isn't that if so, that'd be cool!)

T1 said...

i'm kinda thinking that getting you to the big O in four minutes...not such a good thing. i mean c'mon...four minutes?? how's about taking a little time buddy?! or maybe he should use that time to work on self-improvement? i'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Hi Miss Linda - it's one of your T's here...did you make these up? Please say that you did as I will have to take the rest of the day off just knowing that these people have Internet access.....

Good 2 c u yesterday. Now that I know where the blog is, I've got some reading 2 do...

Kat said...

T1- I'm with ya there. I mean, why do men think that's the most important thing? Seriously. I mean, it's a GOOD thing and all that, don't get me wrong ... but come on already ... there is more to be enjoyed. And this guy was bragging .... "4 minutes" ... HA! Idiot!

T2- Nice to have you aboard. And no, sadly enough, I make none of those up. And yes, that IS very, very scary!