Do you know a nice convent?

So I've been remiss lately with detailing my dating woes. It's just that I haven't actually ventured out much lately (on dates that is). But the emails with some new internet guys have continued. And let me give you an example on why the pickins are slim and I'm happier staying home with my cats and my yarn:

..........

So y'all know I went out with Harley Guy a couple of times. First two times ... GREAT! We had a lot of fun. But the third time we went out .... crickets.

I don't know if we were both just tired or what ... but we went to dinner and it was a Boring Date.

So I didn't expect to hear from him again. Which I didn't. For a week or so. But then he emailed and wanted to go out again. (?????). I thought it would be alright as friends but before we did ... this man who had done nothing but give me a chaste hug at the end of each date ... started emailing me stuff like:

makes my tongue hard. need a lickin little girl??

wanna ride daddy?

Seriously. Just out of the blue. I'm still confused on what the hell happened.

I mean, the guy was never much of an emailer anyway and so all his emails have been one or two sentences tops. But uhhh ... nothing like this. I mean, this is the kinda stuff I'm used to from first time emailers just looking to hook up for a night. (why men think that's gonna seduce a lady is beyond me. But there ya go)

So ANYHOO ... we have not been out since because that was just too weird. Nice Guy to Creepy Guy in 60 seconds flat.

..........

Another guy I met with for a first date SEEMED normal. We sat and chatted over coffee for a good hour and a half. It was going well and we were making plans to see each other again. I was thinking, "hallelujah, some guy I can at least hang with ... if nothing more".

My bad.

An hour and forty-five minutes into the date he said some girl he dated used to question what he did for a living (he told me he was a "consultant" for the government). And so he tells me, as nonchalantly as can be, that he "had a couple of his FBI buddies do a background check on her, then tail her for a couple of days, then detain her for a couple of days."* Then he said he "walked in with his two FBI buddies and said 'so you believe me NOW?'".

One hour and fifty minutes and I was out the door.

Uh ... can you say "FREAKY"? And errr ..."ILLEGAL"?? And "ABUSE OF POWER"?? GAH!!!**

..........

And the only other takers out in Internet Blogland lately seem to be guys over 50. Which ... don't get me wrong ... I understand age is just a number. But IDEALLY I would prefer someone closer to my age. My thinking being that we'd have more in common.

Like this 58 year old who I exchanged a couple of emails with lately because he had emailed me originally and said he knew that he was too old for me but would be happy just chatting with me as a buddy til I found The One (though he said he'd be open to more. And subsequent emails certainly talked about more (gah!)). I was okay with that and emailed him back as a buddy. The man then emails a NOVEL to me. Upon occasion two or three novels in one night without any replies from me in between!!!

And the stuff he's talking about just shows me we don't have much in common. Like hello .. he gets off of work around 3:30 pm and goes to dinner (can you say old geezer buffet??) by himself then is at home in bed by 5:30 pm. He then gets up around 11pm or so and putzes around for hours during the night (usually doing math problems). His music tastes are stuck in the 60s and 70s. He doesn't have pets because he can "barely take care of himself" but he's "okay with DOGS if they are well-behaved". Uh yeah. Where's the things in common, buddy? So I finally had to email and tell him I didn't think we had enough in common to pursue even a friend relationship. He replied with another novel last night and I haven't done anything with it yet.

..........

Sigh.

Seriously, do I have to be Catholic to be a nun??

* uh yeah. He actually said that last part completely non-chalantly. Like "yeah, I washed my car, vacuumed it, then waxed it". BIZARRE!
** I'm just hoping he's forgotten all about me. But if I go missing ... will y'all promise to come track me down? Check with the Feds...and I'm telling you right now ... "I didn't DO it!" (whatever they say "It" is)