Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Man the battle stations, I think we've been hit!

So I come home after a wonderful evening last night spent with a friend cruising around town in his Ferrari (yeah, life's rough, right?) and am getting ready for bed around 11:30 pm when I suddenly hear a very loud continuous noise in my house. Very loud. Not stopping!

Ruh-roh, right?

So I do a mental Cat Check. Ya know, to figure out if one of my cats might be the ones causing the noise. But no, CJ is in the bathroom with me watching me remove makeup and I had just seen Emma in my bedroom attacking imaginary objects (best just to love her and not mock her "specialness").

This doesn't bode well. Because ANY noise in the house not made by me or the cats is generally NOT A GOOD THING!

I quickly head off to the kitchen to investigate and find water just GUSHING out from under the kitchen sink. GUSH-ING!!!! The floor is already covered and I look over to see CJ frantically donning her life jacket and screaming "everyone to the life rafts ... we're going downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" (she was so!)

I open the cabinet doors and the water spray coming off the pipes just makes me shut the doors right back again! I take half a second to panic ... realize there is no-one near enough to call to help me with this because the house will surely float away before anyone can get to me... then grudgingly decide to put on my big-girl pants (which in this case was to take off my pj bottoms and slip on some jeans) and try to remember where the blasted water turn-off is. I think it's under the front of the house somewhere but then think "HEY ... but the toilets have those water shut-off valves right behind them .. perhaps the sink does too?" (yeah, I know. I should know this stuff ... but there ya go).

So I open the cabinet doors again but just can't see in there well with all the water bashing about! But I know I have to do SOMETHING ... so I kneel down and blindly reach in there hoping to feel a valve somewhere. And I DO! Whoo hoo! I manage to turn it and turn it and turn it until finally I get the water slowed down to just a small arching stream. But the valve doesn't seem to want to go anymore ... cuz each time I really try to put some oomph into turning it more water seems to start leaking instead of less. And with the house being so old I'm thinking any more oomph and the whole thing comes off and starts gushing again and then where would I be? Drowning in my own kitchen because CJ took the only life jacket!?! Right? Not a good option.

Now completely drenched, I stand back up and think .. "now what? What would a man do?" And then it comes to me .... DUCT TAPE THAT BAD BOY!! (right?)

Only I can't find my duct tape anywhere (I SWEAR I've bought some .... but it must be hiding out with my two bras which have just recently gone missing) ... so I grab up my painter's tape and slosh back through to the kitchen sink. Only the painter's tape doesn't create any kind of seal ... but at least it directs the leak downward and I am able to prop a flower vase against it to catch the water while I grab some towels and start trying to mop up the deluge.

Unfortunately, the pipe is still leaking hard enough that the vase fills every two to three minutes. Which I can then empty into a bucket I have but which means my hopes of creating some temporary solution til morning ain't working.


I need to call someone. But who? 11:30 at night on a school night ... not good.

So I call my friend D's house because she's a night owl and I'm hoping her husband J (who is an EMT) is working in my area and can swing by. Or at least offer some advice. Because I know he knows plumbing.

But as my luck would have it, J answers the phone!!! Whooo hooo! I tell him my plight and he says he'll be over in 30 minutes (it will actually take him about that long to drive to my place ... curses that most of my friends don't live by me ....and my neighbor who I may just have imposed on for this is out of country this week).

But how absolutely SWEET of J, huh?!

Anyway, I take those 30 minutes to mop up the majority of the water on the floor ... while still continuing to empty the flower vase every couple of minutes.

And then J gets there!!! At midnight! With his tools! Whooo hoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, he just walks in, takes a look at the leak, and turn the valve harder til the leak stops. (oops). Then tells me to give him a spare house key and he'll get the replacement part today and fix it properly while I'm at work! HOW NICE IS THAT, PEOPLE?!

Man, I just feel so lucky!

Lucky, first off, that I was home when it happened! Because if I hadn't been, that would have been bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD! The amount of water that gushed out in the 10 seconds or less it took me to get to the leak was phenomenal!

And I also feel very lucky that I felt I had friends I could call on at that late hour. And that are willing to help like that!

Blessed, blessed, blessed!

AND ... to top it all off ... I now have clean kitchen floors!!! Whoo hooo! (amazing what a little water and some mopping can do .... who knew?? ;))

Now if I could only get the cats to stop singing their raucous rendition of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" all would be good!! ;)


d said...

DAMB, KAT! THAT STORY JUST RAWKS MY DAMB SOCKS OFF!!! ...I think I may have gotten a little extra J-love going b/c of that story. Whatta man. =)

If I may quote En Vogue a moment...

Whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man!
(repeat 4 times)
I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect to -
To the man’s that’s made a difference in my world.
And although most men are hoes, he goes on the down-low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl.
But I don’t sweat it because it’s just pathetic to let it,
Get me involved in that he said she said crowd.
I know that ain’t nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it,
And believe me y’all he’s worth it.
So here’s to the future cuz we got through the past,
I finally found somebody who can make me laugh. (ha ha ha)
You so crazy...i think I wanna have yo baby.
Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man!
(repeat 4 times)
My man is smooth like barry, and his voice got bass.
A body like arnold with a denzel face. he’s smart like a doctor
With a real good rep, and when he comes home, he’s relaxed with pep.
He always got a gift for me everytime I see him.
Alot of snot nose, ex-flames couldn’t be him.
He never ran a corny line once to me yet, so I give him stuff
That he’ll never forget. he keeps me on cloud 9 just like intended.
He’s not a fake wannabe, tryin’ to be a pimp. he dresses like a
Davadon, but even in jeans, he’s a God sent origional,
The man of my jeans.
Yes my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not. not to
Rush me good and touch me in the right spot.
See other guys that I’ve had, they’ve tried to play all the mac,
But everytime they tried, I’ve said that’s not it!
But not this man, he’s got the right potion, baby rub it down
And make it smooth like lotion. he’s the origional highway to
Heaven. from seven to seven he’s got me open like 7 eleven, and
Yes it’s me that he’s always choosin. with him I’m never loosin,
And he knows that my name is not susan. he always has heavy
Conversation for the mind, whuch means a lot to to me cuz good men
Are hard to find.
Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta might good man!
(repeat 4 times)
Whatta mighty mighty good man! know what I’m saying? whatta
Might mighty good man ya’ll! y’all don’t hear me. now check
Him out.
My man gives real lovin, that’s why I call him killa. he’s not a
Wam bam, thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thrilla. he takes his time,
And does everything right. knocks me out with one shot for
The rest of the night. he’s a real smooth brotha, never in a
Rush. and he gives me goose pimples with every single touch, spends
Quality time with his kids when he can. secure in his manhood
Cuz he’s a real man. a lover, and a fighter, and he’ll knock
Another out. don’t take him for a sucka, cuz it’s not what he’s
About. everytime I need him, he always got my back. never dis-
Respectful, cuz his momma taught him that.
Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man!
(repeat 4 times)

Mark and MeLissa said...

Is it bad that I'm here dancing in my chair while reading En Vogue lyrics? Um, yeah...just pretend I didn't say it, kay? :)

OH MY GOSH!!! I can not believe that happened to you. I am so glad that things turned out okay, though. I think it's best you not recount this story for those that might wish to buy your house in the near future. ;)

I have to say though that the water pipes must be having PMS. Our toilet is leaking - we even had to go to Home Despot (yes, despot - H.D. is a tyrant put on the earth to torture wives and girlfriends everywhere). And, guess what? When we got home, I figured out that I was not going to be able to repair it (because I am the lucky one in our household with good eyes, I get to be the Bob Villa spouse and I get (?) to kill my own spiders which is just wrong). So, I'll be going in late tomorrow after visiting with a very nice plumber who's going to fix it which is a pretty good excuse not to go into work on time so I'm there! :)

T1 said...

First...D...you know I read this...you know I have to tell CB you put down En Vogue lyrics. What are you thinking?

Second...go J! Those two late-nighters are always ready to help out a friend!

Mark and MeLissa said...

Hee...I never should have put that comment in about not having to go to work on time. I spent three hours at home this morning waiting for the plumber. Toilet still isn't fixed, I have to stay late at work now and I get to do it all again tomorrow. I guess it's a case of "be careful what you wish for." *sigh*

Hope you had much better luck! :)

Tai said...

All that just for a clean floor!

Glad you have such nice people to help you out in your time of need.

Anonymous said...


1) Know about water shut off valves. Also know they always break during an emergency.
2) Because of 1, know where you can turn the water off to your house.
3). Understand that a small leak can not fixed by duct tape. Guys dig duct tape but its for ducts not pipes! Even the smallest leak leaks at 60-120psi.
4) The cheaper the part that breaks, the more water damage you will have. Its a law...

Kat said...

Sorry, MeLissa. Does sound like my luck was better than yours. My friend's hubby came by and fixed it for a total charge of $10 for parts! I definitely owe them dinner.

Oh, and B ... errr, I mean, "Anon" ;) .. I DO know where the house water-turnoff is ... but it involves shimmying under bushes outside and reaching into the icky bug-infected darkness under the house to reach the valve. Uhhh no. That, my friend, is a LAST resort!!! :)

Sis said...

Dear Kat,

You would think we would have learned something with all of the times we came home to an overflowing toilet in our old house. What was up with that toilet (for your readers: the ONE toilet in our house) anyway?? Don't you remember sloshing through the hallway to get to the bathroom to mop up?

Anyhoo, I never learned where a shutoff valve was in that old house. I didn't even know what a shut-off valve was until I entered the real world.

So Daddies and Mommies teach your babies to be cowboys...ooopppps! No I mean teach your babies where the shutoff valves are. You might just be glad they know that one day.

Oh, and the clean floor comment? Har, har, har. You make me laugh.

And just so you don't think that it doesn't run in the family....after living here for 3 1/2 years I *finally* bought me some Mop N Shine (generic for Mop N Glo I guess) for the kitchen floor, and the only reason I did this is because a guy told me that he stripped and waxed his kitchen floor while his wife was out with the kids. Made me feel damn guilty he did. You mean you are supposed to wax more than once every 10 years?? Who woulda known? Now don't bring me down and tell me that Mop N Shine doesn't count as a waxing because I am saying it does. So there.

One last thing: you gotta teach CJ how to put on that life jacket correctly cos that's muy importante.