Wednesday, August 29, 2007

This gives all new meaning to "'JOHNny-on-the-spot"

So did y'all read the story about the senator from Idaho nailed for lewd conduct in a public bathroom? Seems he solicited an undercover police officer for sex by using a series of secret hand signals and foot taps under the stall door. What the hell?

First off .... WHO KNEW about all these secret signals? Have I ever been solicited in a public restroom and been too oblivious to know it?? I know, I know ....probably not. But if not, HOW COME? What's wrong with me?!! I can channel "sexy bitch" upon occasion. Of course, I've never felt that it was channeled while in the midst of using the toilet.

Which leads me to......

Since when does nothing say sexy like someone sitting on the crapper!?!!!!! WHAT. THE. HELL?!!!! Yuck. Yuck. And more yuck! The senator eyes this guy sitting on the toilet and thinks "hmmm, yeahhh, I've gotta get me some of that!"?! Obviously, the senator and I have different ideas of what constitutes "sexy"! I think I'll stick with my image of a HottieHot without shirt scrubbing my kitchen floor for "sexy", thankyouverymuch!

Furthermore, just who did that undercover cop piss off to get assigned that crappy duty??? (haha! I used both "piss" and "crappy" AND, come to think of it, "duty" (get it ... "doody")! How awesome am I?? .... hehehe). But seriously ...... you couldn't pay me enough! I try to spend as little time in public restrooms as it is .... but to just have to sit there and see, hear, and (by far the worst) smell folks just using the restroom. Oh HELL NO. I can't count the number of showers it would take to wash the horrors of that away at the end of each work day! I'd go broke just trying to pay my water bill!

And finally, senator, apparently there have been "closet gay" rumors following you since your college years. Now you get arrested for this lewd conduct charge. And worse, you plead guilty to it (HMMMMM). I'm not SAYIN' you're gay .... but you certainly seem to be "merry", "happy", "sprite", "jolly", etc to me. Just sayin' is all. You're 62 .... don't you think it is about time you just own it? There's nothing wrong with it. I'm sure it would ultimately relieve a lot of stress you must have trying to hide it. But more importantly, it would help me out! Because that would be one less person I know is having sex in icky public bathrooms, bare skin probably touching stall walls and possibly toilets!!! (*shudder*) ARGH!!!

(Good lord, where are my antibacterial wipes????)

1 comment:

ms c said...

awesome post ms s. i think you did a better job than most of the bloggers/pundits in trying to describe the "ewwwww-ness" of this mess.

oh, it ain't that you're not sexy but i think gays of the feminine nature (eg. lesbians) don't resort to this kind of public bathroom behavior. so it ain't that you're not hot (you are) but you're in the wrong gender for bathroom liaisons. and ain't that a good thing?

why i keep writing 'aint't' i don't know. somehow bathroom foot-tapping and finger-waving lead me to illiteracy...idiot-ville. that plus i've just had 2 margaritas grande.