Thursday, February 15, 2007

For Sale: Ben-wa Balls .... almost new

So, this post is going to be WAYYYYYYYYY Too Much Information for most of y'all. So might I request that any person of the male persuasion move on to something else now. Oh, I know ... this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition just came out, right? Why don't all you men move right on over there and "read" that instead.

Okay, great. Thank you.

So, ladies, a few weeks ago I was cajoled into attending a girls only "passion" style party. To those of you not In The Know, a "passion" style party is similar to a Tupperware party .... only substitute sex toys for kitchen gadgets.

Anyway, not in any particular NEED of any sex toys at this point in my SingleLife (before y'all get started on what a single gal MAY need .... I've made purchases at one of these parties before. I'm set. 'Nuff said. :)), I opted to go with something a bit more tame. A set of Ben-wa Balls.

Now to those of you unfamiliar with what those are, Ben-wa balls are little metal balls touted to be little exercise equipment for your hoo-ha. The party hostess described them like little weights. Supposedly if you couple these Ben-wa Balls with your Kegel exercises, you will have a very trim and toned hoo-ha. Which is great for enhanced sexual pleasure as well as avoiding future issues of urinary incontinence. And I figured since my butt and thighs were not going to be trimmed and toned any time soon ... at least my hoo-ha could be! ;)

Now, the folks at this party were pretty open, and a number of women asked questions about the Ben-wa Balls. The most important one, of course, being .... but will they get stuck up there???

The party hostess, and Woman In The Know, replied ... of course not. Then went on a long soliloquy describing their usage and how easy they were to remove, especially with gravity working on your side, blah, blah, blah.

I thought that was interesting but wasn't fully sold until she continued with.....

First off, she said, the hoo-ha will generally be fairly out of shape if you haven't been using these before, so if you are vertical and you put the BWBs in ... they will fall right on out. So she recommended starting out with only one BWB to start (right?...like you would start with lighter weights at the gym and work your way up. Made sense to me!) and for the first week do the exercises lying on your back. She recommended 10 to 15 minutes a day. After that you could progress to vertical and then eventually progress to using both BWBs.

Also, she said, once the hoo-ha was more toned, just relax to release, giving a little squat position if necessary. But truly ... with gravity, gravity, gravity ... it wasn't a problem.

Easy as pie, right??

So my BWBs arrived recently in the mail and while I was watching Mr TeeVee the other night I decided to give them a try. So I slouched down on the couch so I wouldn't be vertical, and popped one in.

I kegelled my little heart out for .... oh, about 30 seconds ... and then continued to kegel sporadically for the remainder of 5 minutes ... because I didn't want my hoo-ha to be sore and tuckered out. Or because I was bored silly. One or the other.

But regardless, after the 5 minutes I sat up straight knowing that the little BWB would slide right on out, reached down to grab it and ..... nuthin!

Hmm.

Okay, maybe sitting wasn't vertical enough .... so up I stood and reached down to catch ..... bupkus!

(*insert mild panic here*)

How about doing a little jig to entice that puppy out??

Nope ... still nothing.

Uh-oh.

So I went upstairs to the bathroom and got naked thinking that maybe the BWB was scared to come out with the pants and panties in view.

Did another jig .... still no joy.

(*insert not quite as mild panic here!*)

Okay, so I tried to think rationally and not start freaking out!! I took a deep breath and ran through the "good news" with regard to this event.

Like, first, thankfully I knew that I didn't have to be on an airplane bright and early the next morning so I wouldn't have to try explaining to airport security why I was setting off the metal detector!

Also, just finished with The Period so no need to shove any tampons up there in the near future.

And no boyfriend to lie to about having a headache instead of explaining that we can't have sex because I decided to insert metal balls in my hoo-ha instead.

Also on the plus side, worst case scenario was that I'd have to go to my gynecologist to have her remove it. SURELY she's dealt with stuck items in the hoo-ha before, right? Right?

Anyway, but the bottom line was ... I wanted the frickin' Ben-wa Ball out of my hoo-ha.

So again I tried the squats and the lunges and the dancing jigs. Nothing! So then I thought that maybe the BWB might not even be in my hoo-ha at all (just call me Queen of Denial-Land). I mean, maybe it had fallen out right when I put it in and was hiding out in the couch cushions and/or on the living room floor? Because really, I couldn't FEEL it and I couldn't SEE it ... so where WAS the damn thing??

So this is where my logical trouble-shooting brain really kicked in.

Step 1 - verify that the BWB is in fact IN the hoo-ha.

So I tried using a mirror. But obviously could not see anything. Well, nothing involving the BWB anyway. I certainly got an eyeful of a whole lotta stuff that thankfully men enjoy looking at but which I could do without seeing. Gah.

So next came the (*seriously, men .... stop reading*) the digital penetration. I reached down with a finger and entered said hoo-ha very slowly making sure that if the BWB was just inside that I wouldn't be shoving it up any further. But unfortunately, my kegels must have moved it up further anyway because I could JUST touch it with the very tip of my finger when fully inserted. And it felt like it was up around a little curve so there was no way it was just coming out of its own accord. This was not good, people!

Okay, but at least the verification was accomplished. Evil BWB (as I'd begun to call it) was in fact up in the hoo-ha. On to the next step.

Step 2 - get the frickin' BWB OUT!

I decided that maybe making the pee-pee would relax different muscles and the BWB would pop out. Sounds plausible, right?? Granted, the BWB would end up in the toilet, but I think at this point I had already come to the conclusion that once out, BWBs were NOT going back in. Buh-bye little Ben-wa Ball. Always happy to waste my money like that.

So I tried that. But unfortunately, the BWB had a different idea about emerging into the toilet and decided to stay hidden.

Bad, BAD Ben-wa Ball.

So I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, then tried the jig again. To no avail.

At this point I was trying to wrap my head around the thought of living with a Ben-wa Ball stuck up my hoo-ha for all of eternity. Would it be SO bad?? Maybe not. Because really, maybe I could convince the airport security people that in fact what they were detecting was a shard of metal from a bullet or something?? I could go on and on about how I stepped in front of a bullet to save a busload of kids. But the doctors couldn't remove it and that's why the metal detector was going off.

Yeah, I didn't think that would work either. Those airport security people have gotten pretty crafty. And I don't mean "crafty" in the good "yarn, Elmer's glue, and glitter" kinda way either.

So what to do? What to do??

Okay, well we all know during sex that the hoo-ha walls tend to loosen and relax. So maybe I could stretch the walls out using my finger, enough so that the BWB could fall out? Cuz right now those hoo-ha walls were clinging to the BWB like Michael Jackson clings to little boys! Anyway, I figured it was worth a shot. Because it was either that or picking up a phone to call someone to help. And I'm not quite sure how well that phone conversation would go. "Yeah, hi ... it's me .... you busy? So here's a weird question for ya ... I know a lot of kids dreamed of being astronauts or veterinarians .... you ever dream of being a gynecologist????"

Yeah, no.

I've actually had to enlist the aid of a friend before with regard to a wayward tampon. We vowed never to speak of it again. Of course, that was before blogs. (heh). (hey, in my defense ... the anonymity remains ... what with no Time, Place or Who divulged. (and it won't be divulged .... right?? right??? (this comment directed to Other Involved Party in case they ever read this post and plan to name names in the comment section!!)) :) ) Oh, and tidbit for those folks reading this and going "really?... a tampon??". Yes, a tampon. Word to the wise ... you get what you pay for. Stay away from the budget tampons ... that's all I'm sayin'.

So, back to digital penetration. So I re-inserted the finger and started pressing on all the walls in the desperate attempt to loosen their grip on their new-found friend. Which, sounds like it could be fun, right? Ya know, in that "oooh, yeah ... now a little to the left" kinda way. But no. The only thought in my head was ..... "For the love of Jebus .... I have a FRICKIN' BEN-WA BALL STUCK UP MY HOO-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want it OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT!!!!" (or something to that effect)

But the good news is, with a little wall pressing just so .... the BWB finally started to make its way down and out.

WHEW!

Which left me a bit befuddled. WHY did the Ben-wa Ball get stuck?! Surely occasional (at best) kegelling couldn't have my hoo-ha so toned that BWBs stick. Perhaps my hoo-ha walls have superhuman powers I wasn't aware of? Hmmm, that's kinda a nice thought, isn't it?! "Look! ... it's a bird! It's a plane!!! No ... it's SuperHooHa!!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, I like it. Let's go with that! :)

70 comments:

Not-faint-hearted said...

I have tears running down my face, I'm laughing so hard. Glad everything came out, uh, alright!

Sis said...

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard (except maybe the sheep shit hat incident). Poor dear. I will take this as a lesson not to try the ben wa balls unless they have a string attached.

Julie said...

OMG! Do you know how hard it is to try to stifle hysterical laughing at work while reading this post. No? Well, let's just say I'm sitting at my desk all alone laughing hysterically - out loud. The people in the adjoining offices are probably calling the men in the white coats right now :)

shannon said...

all i was doing was flipping through the blogs i read. not really expecting any to have updated since the last ones i read.

this, this was quite the...surprise...to say the least (I can only imagine the surprise you had when things didn't "go as told"). glad it all worked out.

thanks for the laugh!

Stick Knits said...

like Julie, I am doing my best not to laugh out loud alone in my office, but it's not working! BWAH HA HA HA HA!!! Thanks for the laugh. phew!

goodgirl036 said...

ditto I think everyone walking by my cube is wondering why I am fighting off hysterical laughter and failing miserably. Oh my God too funny!!!! I would have gone with calling a guy to help...lol...you could have gone with "just warming up for you, babe" line...

ms c said...

i think the people in the trailer park heard me laughing. no kidding. this post is a riot (but what about your MOM?!) i wonder, do you think a magnet would've worked?

Kat said...

Ms C, great minds must think alike. I actually thought "magnet" but then realized that none of the wimpy refrigerator magnets would even come close to overpowering the deathgrip my woo-ha walls had on that BWB. Now if I'da had a SuperMagnet ... trust me, I would have tried that!! :)

And to the rest of y'all, let's all be glad that there was no camera filming my naked lunges and jigs. Cuz trust me .... that could NOT have been a good look! :). As it is, I think my cats may need therapy for years!

Liz G. said...

OMG - my dog is wondering why I'm sitting here laughing so hard...Glad the bathroom was close.

And glad you and your hoo-ha are BWB free now!!

Anonymous said...

kat, I don't know you, but at around 5 a.m. this morning, I found myself needing to google the phrase "ben-wa balls stuck," and it led me to about 1000 descriptions of how they can absolutely NOT get stuck, and to your blog. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and the deepest recesses of my hoo-ha.

Kim said...

OMG, Kat, this is too funny!
I had similar experience with my BWBs. Although I know my hoo-ha muscles are pretty toned, I figured toning them a little more won't hurt, right? Yeah, ok. I kinda had a feeling that the balls might get stuck so I used them with a condom... 2 hours later, with a broken condom and one ball still stuck in my hoo-ha I figured I just need them in smaller size. I removed the ball eventually (muscle relaxation didn't help, but an orgasm did), and I still love my BWBs.

Anonymous said...

So this morning I decided to try them myself, and let's just say I found your blog in my desperate attempt for what to do when one gets stuck. LMAO. Right now this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me- kind of like a bad Sex and the City episode-but an hour or so ago I wanted to cry thinking of how to explain it to them in the ER.
lol-

Anonymous said...

This blog post left me in tears...and not just because it's funny. Because I have tried all that and mine is STILL stuck..and I have company coming in an hour...but at least now I know they CAN get stuck.

Awesome post! I would appreciate it more if I weren't in the very same predicament...

Anonymous said...

Did you try jumping up once or coughing? When I bought mine that's how they told me to get them out.

Anonymous said...

OMG I totally know how you felt. I was horrified when they didnt just slip out when I stood up. I was like maybe they fell out and I didnt feel it. But they hadn't thank god I found your post. Dont know what I would have done without it.
Thanks

Anonymous said...

Your Blog on any other day in history would have had me rolling on the floor, laughing, gasping for air if I just hadn't spent the last 2 hours in Physco Manic mode playing Fisherman up my Hoo-ha for one of those "evil" magnetic spawns. ::shudders:: I too tried to convince myself it had fallen out somewhere between my sanity and the mad dash to the Bathroom where I ended up spending a good 45 mins. on the floor trying to feel for this small purple ball that was secretly clinging within the walls of my Hoo-ha with the force of a Jedi army. After what felt like and eternity,........ a miracle of sorts happened. (Meaning my hoo-ha decided to release it's new found friend) and what should I do now but sit back, say a quick Thank You Thank You Thank You Prayer, laugh, and boot up the ol' laptop-aroo to see if maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only Crazy Chick out there whose had this "memorable" experience. Afterall, I am a mother of a 6 year old and I'm quite certain my Hoo-ha isn't the super Ironman Cling Machine it used to be! It feels great knowing I'm not the only one out here. As for the evil magnetic spawns of satin, I think for now they'll stay in their pretty little purple shell container at the bottom of my closet under piles and piles of clothes and in the back recess of my mind, neatly filed in the Girl, don't ever try that again file.

Anonymous said...

Mine wasnt coming out so I looked online for tips LOL and there you were! Arent you proud that you helped someone out in a pinch LMAO

Anonymous said...

I'll have to go back and re-read your whole story...I was in a hurry to get to the end and find out how to get the **** thing OUT!! Your solution didn't work for me though and while I was trying to decide when to call my GYN (she would have loved this!) I went to another site...still not much help but here's what I did: From a squat position I concentrated on the muscles to poop (luckily I didn't) but the ball popped right out! I'll put them back in the box and order ones with the string!!

Thanks for letting us know we're not the only ones!!

Anonymous said...

Like others, I found your entry (no pun intended) when I googled "ben wa balls REMOVAL" b/c I can't get the damn thing out! So glad to hear others had the same problem! So glad to see that they didn't have to go to the gyno too - b/c I thought that was what I was gonna have to do and I REALLY REALLY don't want to have to consult a professional!!

By the way - I do not see the point in BWB! Think I'll just stick to doing Kegels from now on!!!

Anonymous said...

Add one more to the "found you while trying to find out how to get it out" advice! Still working on it. I have successfully gotten it very close to the opening several times (finger or spoon pressing against wall method), but can't get the 2nd ball out. The first one did sort of "poop" out...so I am going to try the advice from the gal who said to squat and use "poop" muscles. Thanks for the advice, and feeling that I am not the only one this has happened to! Wish me luck! :)

Anonymous said...

Hello from another Googler. I got mine stuck too, and I went through pretty much the same thing. I lost mine down the toilet though, because ... um ... concentrating on pushing on the muscles was starting to feel "unsafe" without it. Now I'm praying I don't need a plumber soon because I couldn't collect it (I heard it shoot out into the bowl and then it disappeared, though this time not in my hoo-ha).

I have pretty toned hoo-ha muscles, but maybe I'll skip the BWBs from now on. :)

Anonymous said...

I only ten minutes ago freed myself from my bwb captivity. Only I had two to deal with. I expected them to pop right back out and I read good things about the sensation of the balls rubbing together. Add to my panic that I'm pregnant too and thinking im gonna give my fetus brain damage or something. Anyway after a bit of pushing my muscles and some manuevering with my fingers they came right out.

SilverGuardian said...

Kat, I have personally sent this site on to my bff, two daughters and one daughter-of-my-heart all over age 40, a couple who my husband and I have never met except online, and our 19 and 20-year-old granddaughters. The 23-yr old gd screeched, "No, NO! You're DONE!" when I told her that I had something for her to read that grandpa found when researching colloidal silver and was surprised to discover under slightly used silver ben wa balls for sale. Shocking granddaughters is one of the absolute funnest part of being a (great)gran. But she'll read it. She lives in the apartment next to me and she won't be able to resist. Or I'll hold my great-granddaughter hostage till she does ... (all with the sweet granny look, assuring her that 6-month old Little Lollie is safer in my arms till she's done reading).

My husband read this to me after reading it himself. I had to stop him over and over because I was laughing so hard that I hurt. I think I've totally toned up those flabby tummy muscles now, and can give you all the credit!

We live in an apartment, and I was sure that someone was going to come knocking on my door because of my screeching .. and how was I going to explain the tears? Really, my husband wasn't hurting me! And then I'd start laughing again because Cliff would say that we'd just make THEM read it, and I'd imagine my shy 61-year-old husband, the apartment manager who everyone adores and utterly respects, reading this aloud to one of our neighbors. No, no. THAT wouldn't have happened!

I'm not sure how much of my laughter came from the fact that it was my husband reading it to me, but certainly every time he read your admonishments to men, I howled again.

I continue to think of more people who will love this ... can't quite get up the nerve to send it to my sisters, but wish my mother were still alive. I can picture Daddy reading it to her, and her crying with laughter (even though she was the most ladylike lady I've ever known, and would CERTAINLY never have shared that moment with her daughters, let alone granddaughters!) Okay, so as a tribute to Mama, maybe I won't force Meggie to read it in front of Grandpa! I just do so love sharing laughter with him.

I want to thank you for this wonderful blog. I love muscle pain that is created by forceful laughter! It feels like totally the "right" kind of exercise.

SilverGuardian said...

And ... now, really, for all you gals who are considering ben wa balls with a string ... do they REALLY have such a thing? And if so, are you SURE that having ben wa on a string would be safe? I picture tugging on it and having it strangle my dangling uterus, or totally severing some little bit of me that (until that moment) I didn't know existed.

Me ... I'm thinking ben wa on a stick. Oh yeah. Battery operated. Or remote controlled with a sensor and a tiny little computer brain and gps that knows the nearest direction to daylight ...

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO, umm I was never the adventurous type. But I have a fiance in New Zealand and he recommended these. So I got them...and experienced much the same as you did. They were good for sex but ummm didn't want to come out. I finally gave up and was like oh hell came in here to google a request for how to get them out, found that sitting in my computer chair was apparently the right angle. They popped right out and have not been back. Thanks for a the great story.

Anonymous said...

Amazingly, after me and the wife tried the ben wa balls last night, we found that the first easily popped out after some straining but the second one just didn't want to come out. I had her stand, sit, bend over and push push push.

When I reached in to feel for it it seemed that it had found a sort of ledge inside and to the back of her tunnel. There it purched and no matter what I could do I couldn't get a finger around it. After much time in the toilet and some inner manipulation (And some peeing) we finally managed to get it out. I think it might have to do with how her hoo ha is shaped that allowed the second ball to remain seated inside. I don't know if we'll be trying that again.

What's more annoying than anything is that this was the only page I could find regarding this issue...

Rose said...

I can't believe that happen to you. I felt every feeling you felt. I put those 2 ben wa balls up in my self. And as you said I finished my kegal exercise and no gravity drop out happened and I started to jump, swat,panic and tried sticking my finger up after I washed them to get them. The paniced started again when I didn't feel them. And you are right. Now this was two ben wa. I thought 2 the gravity would happen. Because I worried the same. What if they don't come out. And to have to go to the hospital to have them removed. Oh so embarassing. Now they were way up in my body as you described. I literally had to insert my finger way up. No sign of anything. I had been on the internet earlier looking for this clear kegal exerciser I had seen. But I had these and at the passion party I told people they would easily be removed. And I didn't see it. But I had to go up and remove one then the other was a little difficult. But they are removed and they are new going up again. Ladies we need a string. Maybe if they are inserted with a outer covering and maybe it would work. But now they won't work only to loose balls. Now again. It they got lost just with kegals. If you used them during sex well... You figure it out. That would be like a hammer hitting an anvil. And explaining a lost bullet it to the airlines. Those people are already cranky. No, you won't be flying.

Anonymous said...

I hope this helps. But I can say for a fact that it will. If the balls are metal, some aren't these days, you might want to find and keep old speaker magnet around to see if you can move a ball into a better position so you can get it out. Also, a lot of hardware and auto parts stores sell small magnets mounted on telescopic rods for 'fishing' metal parts. Stretch a condom on one and give it a try.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, that should read, "can't say for a fact that it will".

Anonymous said...

OMG! I too am here b/c I found my BWBs were help captive by my inner parts. I tried everything I could think of including calling my best friend to come dig them out for me. Finally, I tried sitting on the toilet, leaning forward, and pushing as if I was trying to poop. CLINK, CLING! I am free!!!!! Suggestion: if you want to keep the BWBs for future use, try putting a strainer below you so you dont have to dig into the toilet to get them. Thanks for the help, so glad I am not the only one who has found BWBs dont always fall right out.

Anonymous said...

*wipes the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard* As a lot of other people i found your post in search for help on how to remove those evil BWB i tried everything the same as you and just like you thought hey maybe ill just live with the damn thing for my entire life... yeah no i was not settling for that i do not wish to chance infection so after reading i once more preceded to try to jig,jump,scoop,cough,sneeze,push etc to no avail.... so five hours later (total was 7hours give or take that the BWB were held captive by my woohaa)so i eventually went to the bathroom (just to be safe)cupped my hand under to catch them squatted and PPPPUUUUSSSHHHHEEEDDD felt it get lower but still didnt come out so i tried the scoop and push technique being careful not to push it in further (thus having to wait another 7 hours) inside myself and POP! i couldnt of been so happy... so i came back to this for another laugh and had to and had to post my EVIL BWB story as well

Anonymous said...

Ah... I'm so glad I'm not the only one this has happened to. Your blog is a god-send to us women. I came desperately close to walking to the dining hall and getting a plastic spoon for attempted help (I'm a college student. SO glad roommates weren't here!)

kelleyanne1988 said...

Wow... So obviously the instructions on the box that mine came in are WRONG! It said to just jump up and down, or cough and they should pop right now... The first one did great and was a charm! the second one how ever.... Not so good... I ended up having to do the squat and push method. and finally was able to wrap my fingers around it. I did try it again (don't know why!) did the same thing!!! I think these people that use them and say they fall out easily have weird shaped vaginas or something or REALLY short ones... But everything i've read said they would fall out easily.. and when i first held them i thought they were too heavy they would NEVER stay in... i was compeletly wrong! I didnt even do anything with them, just stuck them in and stood up to give it a "test run"... and nothing! no holding nothing all relaxed... was afraid i was going to have to go to class with it in

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful story thank you for sharing. I laughed so hard and I felt so much better. I bought some and I got them up, finally and they were in for about half an hour and all of sudden they just plopped out. I was standing doing my ironing at the time and I was very disappointed actually as I was planning happy relationship with my BWBs. Could be worse could been in the supermarket when they dropped. Now Im worried my muscles were so bad I couldnt hold them in. As it has been a long time since my hoohaa engaged in any extracurricular activities. Brilliant blog. TKs. DEB

Anonymous said...

This was a fabulous story...and you wrote it so well! A few more experiences like this and you could write a hilarious book! I actually had a similar experience, however I just gave up, went for supper with some friends and two hours later after my third glass of wine they decided the prime time for them to come right out was right then as a cute guy from a table over came over to start a conversation! Not exactly my choice of timing, but I'm now confident that I don't think they'd ever actually get stuck, you just need to have patience!

Anonymous said...

So I just tried my first set of BWB and had to see if there was a similar story out there....and then I found this! I just purchased my first set of balls last night; I really wanted to get something with a string because of the fear of it not coming out. They were all sold out, and, of course, the saleslady convinced me that these would fall right out because of the weight. I tried them tonight...stuck those suckers in..did my 5 min of kegels, stood up to take them out...and nothing!! I, too, wanted to make sure they were still in there so stuck a finger in...nothing... Started to panic, tried to squeeze them out..nothing... Stuck a finger deeper in, and felt both.. They seemed to just keep going in deeper, and I started to panic.. This time, did the wall press, and was finally able to curve a finger around one, and pulled it out.. 5 min later, was able to do it with the other... Lesson learned..getting another set with the damn string!!

Anonymous said...

OMG-- I too, found this after looking for how to remove lost balls. However, I HAD the ones with a removal string...first one popped right out, second one-- guess the muscles were too tight on it, as the string SNAPPED. After trying jumping jacks, squats, dancing, sleeping, I finally called my sig other over to get the damn thing out. Beats calling the gyno. My advice-- get the ones with the silicone attachments, not just a string.

Kat said...

All ... thanks so much for your fun comments on this post. I haven't updated this blog in forEVER but I love to see that this post and the comments/advice of others has helped other women who uhhh .... can no longer pass undetected through metal detectors, shall we say! ;) Keep the advice coming, all ye who find other means of freeing yourself from the dreaded and evil BWBs! :)

Anonymous said...

Thank god I found ur posting LOL I went through ALL the same thoughts as u o my gosh I was starting to freak out its funny after the fact when you think back but that was my number 1 fear when buying these bwb..thank u thank u thank u!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

So I decided to be spontaneous and try bwb. First thought was "my gosh are these gonna fit in me?"
Success! They went in! So just to be safe (even though I had thought maybe a condom would be a good idea around it if I hit panic mode) I thought I would try to take it out. HAH! Coughing or relaxing your pvc muscle does NOT work.
Apparently neither does jumping up and down, like they said (gosh I looked funny doing that).
After trying to stay calm, but still very worried I called my local nurse's hot line (they give you advice on everything. While on the phone I came across this blog looking for "how to get a ben wa ball out". I was happy to know someone else freaked out as much as me and was having a hard time getting them out. 20 minutes into the phone conversation the nurse suggested peeing, lying on my back and "scooping it out". It wasn't until i squatted down and inserted a finger in my hoo ha and pushed DOWN that I got it out. The poor nurse on the phone didn't even know what a BWB was, thankfully suggested some stuff used for a trapped tampon technique.
Funny thing is that I used to sell them with other adult toys and said the same damn thing. I will now give caution to the womyn and not give them the dumb suggestion of "cough it out".
So thank you very much Kat for making me feel like a normal person! And for the laugh!

iulia said...

You have a funny way of describing things :)) Glad everything worked out in the end.
I actually have 2 Geisha Balls (I prefer this name :D ), but they are tied with a string so... it's easy to get them out :)

Anonymous said...

I was actually googling "I can't get one BWB to stay in" lol. I just put my BWBs in for the first time and while I've been walking around one of the little buggers keeps working it's way out (especially when I go to sit down). Now you've added a whole new worry to my list: When I'm ready to take them out is the other one going to stay up there too?
Mine are glass balls that came with a silicone cover that had a pull on it. My boyfriend suggested that I take them out of the silicone and pop them right in. I wonder if one's going to still be in there when he comes home from work in 8 hours. I'll have to kill him if it is.

Anonymous said...

I got my ben wa balls a few days ago because I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my second child and I want to 1) get prepared for the birth and 2) have a tool to use to get "back in shape" after.

The first time I used them I put them both in, sans silicone holder (mine are glass balls that come with an optional holder and pull-out cord). One kept popping out everytime I went to sit down. The other had to come out with a bit of coaxing. No big deal.

The second time I used them I was in bed already with DH and decided to pop them in while lying down and do some kegels. It seems as though I kegeled them suckers far, far up into my cooch.

First, I tried squatting next to the bed and bearing down. No luck. It seems like the act of bearing down actually made me clench more. After jumping up and down for a few minutes only one devil ball popped out. Now where the hell is the other one???

After some vigorous poking and prodding I found the other one, firmly lodged in there. I could barely touch it with the tip of my finger. DH kindly asked if he could give it a try. :/ He poked while I was lying down-- no luck. He had me stand by the side of the bed so he could poke. Finally, he could feel it, but not hook his finger around it. He then had me jump and squat while he still had his finger in me (I'm glad no one walked in on THAT). Finally, that evil little ball came out. And so did some of my mucus plug. Now we've been freaking out that I'm going to go into labor 9 weeks early.
Needless to say, no more BWB while pregnant. Maybe not after, either.

Autumn said...

I came upon this blog because, as you can guess... I got a benwah ball stuck. But I can add an additional spin, what I actually lost was a Luna ball which stupidly I tried to put in with out the silicone girdle in place (don't ask.... I'm not sure WHY i thought this was a good idea) Now... luna balls are not the small cute metal benwa balls its more akin to sticking a pingpong ball up there. (Once again. WHYYYY did i do this?). I jumped, coughed, did yoga, masterbated, went after it with a SPOON! All to no avail, eventually I stumbled across another story (oddly by someone who had the same first name as I do) Who also had jumped twisted did everything they could think of and finally ended up using a Instead menstral cup. I used a syringe (big one no needle obviously) And used what was probably half a bottle of lube and then put up one of the little cups. The reason I used so much lube was to encourage it to open up and also to hopefully let the luna ball slip up over the lip and in to the catch basin. After another hour of bouncing around, looking on line trying some yoga poses I finally gave up and went to the bathroom. I had decided after almost 48 hours in my cooch it was going to require eviction by a professional. I reached in pulled the cup out slowly and realized there was some.. resistance. So I took a deep breath and pulled slower, sure enough when it came out there was the pink little ball cozily settled in to the catcher. So just incase anyone else stumbles upon this... Try the instead cup, lube and lots of patience!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU!!!!
You gave me the courage to reach in there and get out the benwa i put in 10 hours ago!!!!
Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Seriously, lady, you saved my life. Gravity, coughing, putting one leg up, peeing, nothing else works! I thought I was on my way to the e-room. THANK YOUUUUU

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! not only do i know that I'm not the only one in this predicament, but my panic is slowly decreasing... very slowly. I still have one of those little buggers up in there and i AM going to be going through airport security very early tomorrow morning! so all i have to do is relax, maybe have myself an orgasm, squat and pretend to poop. oh good Lord! I just want the thing OUT!!

Anonymous said...

okay, so i was getting daring and put 3 beautiful golden ben wah balls in my bagina, and had a screaming great time. didn't even think about the golden children till the next day when i was washing dishes after our lovely "breakfast" and breakfast session. i was able to "push" 2 out in the kitchen (giggle) and after cleaning them put them back in the treasure box. i still have one lodged deeply in a secret cave of my bagina after 7 days! i have tried meditating, pushing, clenching, sticking my little finger with the artificial nail deep within, and to no avail. all i can think about is when i go to the airport and i go "off". i will try the squat method over the toilet as if i'm in a foreign country and hopefully this will work. otherwise, i will continue to have "juicy" excitement, and i don't know if that's really a bad thing!

Anonymous said...

ok. so i purchsed some of these earlier yesterday. first of all,some of them looked so huge i thought 'im not trying to stretch it out just get a non battery operated thrill' so i bring them home but im a skeptic.
annonomyous is right. every single article said they were easy to remove.you were the only one who told the truth
i fell alseep, after having no 'arousig senstation', i forgot about them actually till i had to go use the bathroom.
so one comes out the second one doesnt.
so the bright idea to add the second one back in. to make space for them both to come out
no.
they got buried, just like you said,behind some blakberry curve and what i think is a 'pocket'
that was never disucssed in any sex ed class i ever took!
anyway. so im sleepy, and i live in an appt so i do some 'light' jumping.
at 3;30 am in an upstairs apt there is no such thing as light jumping so i stop.
i did the hunt and peck and that made it worse
finally,
i did want annonymous said
i got down on the toilet and i bear/bore down. voila. they came to the edge and stopped like 'omg , ewww, we dont' want to go in we give we give!'
so
if you purchase some.
get the glass ones (i cant help you when you go to the airport and get body screened)
and make sure you get every single thing out of them you want because you'll probably not want to use them again.
and yes.
i thought tampon losses were bad.
the sponge...we wont go there...(if you just wait it out, it gets bored and moves downward, the balls however do not)
i did laugh alot reading your post .thanks for telling it like it'tis.

Anonymous said...

Well, when I read Kat's post, I could not stop to laugh... It is ironic but the reason why I found this post was because the same thing happened to me. I am 20 wks pregnant, and I ball the crystal balls I could not get them out, I was told to cough, jump, squat, reach for them... go to the bathroom to pee; relax my vagina muscles, to push like I was going to have a bowel movement...I called the store where I bought them from for advice...and this is what they told me to do... I was scare because I'm pregnant, and I would be embarrased to tell my husband or my dr... well thank God...I felt the urge to have a real bowel movement, and since I was constipated... they came out before I had my bowel movement... I don't believe that I would be using this crystal balls again. I tried the gold balls that were much smaller about a year ago, but I never had this type of experienced with the smaller balls. I do not recommend anyone putting any type of balls up your private part. I will just stick to my kegel exercises since they work in keeping very tight without this "stupid" crystal balls.

Anonymous said...

I just have to say - was trying my own first pair of ben wa balls and wouldn't you know, the damn things got stuck just like yours! In desperation for a hint on how to get them out, I came upon this story, laughed uproariously....and out it popped. You're a genious of ben wa calamity control!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so, so, so much!!! Not only did you make me laugh, but you helped me out out a very traumatic Ben Wa experience. I thought I was going to have to call my doctor.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled onto your site searching for the answer to THIS question... 'When they fire out of you like a cannonball and shoot straight up the toilet bowl into no man's land (because at that rate of speed, they are slippery little suckers to catch) then what do you do?!? I'm now afraid to flush!!!

Britany said...

I'm actually interested in trying BWB - haven't tried them yet^^;
Of course, my first question was "What if they get stuck?", upon seeing them, my next question was "These things really fit inside?"
Finally, I stumbled upon this story... I couldn't stop laughing! It's so funny, and the comments are just as funny as the story!
I still want to try them, you know... just to see.
Hopefully if (or when???) they get stuck... I can reread this post and let my laughter pop them out for me!

Anonymous said...

Not funny. I'm sitting here with two crystal balls stuck just like you said - kind of up and around a curve and showing no sign of coming out.

The last thing I want to do is go to the ER and explain to a receptionist, a nurse or two, and finally a doctor what the problem is so I thought the internet got me into this because that's where I found then purchased these evil balls so maybe i'll find a way to get them out. I don't think your way will work though. I can barely reach them with my finger tip and everytime I try they seem to go further inside.

One good thing, I now realize, although a little late, no tightening needed.

Anonymous said...

OM Gosh!! I bought these today with my husband hoping to have some fun with them "rolling around".... it was after I inserted them I wondered how to safely remove them and then I got the giggles.... I guess I have some darned strong pc muscles because they are good and stuck in there...no keegles necessary!! The sad thing is I am also not getting the least bit of "pleasure" having them in there.... what happened to that????!!!
Guess the husband and I will have to start early tonight and take it slow so that hopefully they will make their way out!
I have made two of my dearest friends crack up this afternoon when I texted them asking if they knew how to safely remove BenWa balls from the manina~~~
Wish me luck!!!

1stTimeMommie said...

OMG! This blog was dead on! I stumbled upon this blog before I inserted the ben wa ball. I figured, "nah, this won't happen to me, after all, I gave birth to my daughter, ben wa balls should be a sinch". Well people, I was wrong. Very, VERY wrong. I went ahead and put them both in, instead of the recommened 1 for beginners. A half hour later, I figured the muscles had a good enough work out, time to take the bwb's out. I squeezed, jumped, sneezed, rolled around, perfomed yoga on an exercise ball and......nothing. I Inserted my finger only to find they were both seemingly "glued" to a wall that I never knew existed. After 4 hours, I managed to get 1 out. The other one was very stubborn. I know this is TMI, but I even did a number 2, and this little bugger still didn't budge. This one was particularly stubborn and didn't come out until 14 hours later, thanks to my fiance. The pain I experienced from my fiance meandering that thing out out was excruciating. (I was so happy when it was out, I called him superman all week). From now on, I am going to stick to kegels and/or the egg with a retreival string. Although, I have come to the conclusion that I am pretty toned. I plan on staying clear of bwb's for quit some time.

Anonymous said...

OMG! The exact thing just happened to me. I completed the same exact steps. I will never Ever use another BWB!

Anonymous said...

i googled 'ben wa balls stuck' only to find your blog, and it made me laugh so hard i giggled my ball out! thanks haha :)

Anonymous said...

As most of you have said... I also found this through Google! My search "Ben-wa ball Removal".
My husband is currently deployed, my kids are with Granny for the weekend, and after working all day- I thought it was the perfect time to try out these new Ben-Wa balls! I just finished reading the 50 Shades trilogy & decided to do some shopping after finishing them... :-/
Even after 2 kids my OB has still made comments about me being "tight", my husband has never had a complaint, but I still wanted to try this! Anyway, my logic in deciding which ones to buy was slightly OFF. I bought the small ones (w/ no string)... Thinking, I'm already tight- these should be NO PROBLEM.
Last night, around 6pm I put both balls in. I couldn't really feel them, but did some kegel exercises & became extremely tired. By 7:30Pm, I was out cold! I woke up at 6:30am this morning in a scramble. I was going to late for work! I'm military & had roll call at 7:30! As I was running out the door, a thought hits me! They're still in there!!! Oh no!! So, run back inside... Trying everything listed above. I got one out! But, not the other. Deciding that I really couldn't be late for work- I gave up! After all, how do you explain to your boss that you're late bc of THIS!? So... I am now at work, with one still inside me. Maybe at lunch I'll be able to try some more. This is nuts!!!
Thank you for posting your story! I'll keep trying! By the way, it's now been 16hours since I put them in!

Jackye said...

Thank you for your laugh out loud post. My husband and I read it together. My husband and I have been experimenting with dominate/submissive sex after reading Fifty Shades Of Gray. A book I highly recommend if you want to recharge your sex life. We recently went to a sex shop to buy some toys including ben wa balls which we inserted last night. This morning I woke up and couldn't get them out. I decided to do some research this morning when my ben wa balls were stuck up on my little crvical ridge that couldn't be reached by fingers. I feared a trip to my doctor was probably imminent. After reading that perhaps pushing with my poop muscles might work I went to the bathroom. I wanted to make sure I didn't lose the balls in the toilet and also didn't want to have an accident on the floor. I got two for one, I pooped and caught the balls as they immediately dislodged themselves from their little shelf
above my cervix. Thanks for the best advise ever found on the Internet and for the great laugh.

Anonymous said...

I just lost a glass one down the toilet...anybody have this happen? Was a plumber needed?

Anonymous said...

So they say you can have sex with these things in. I have the ones on a string and decided to have sex with them in and everything including the string got pushed up there and now I can't get them out! My bf has left already so I have no help to get them out!!! Someone help! I've already tried reaching up there, I can touch them but can't get them out! Nothings working....

Anonymous said...

Same thing happened to me. I was hysterical reading this so obviously the laughter wasn't working.

I'll spare the details of my own panic ... the odd phone calls I made to two friends, and let's not even begin to discuss my fiances (horrified / confused) face when I told him he might have to help (it's not like he hasn't spent enough time in that region).

Finally I sat on toilet and pushed while finger was inserted. It finally came out.

Just. Don't. Panic.

BEST BLOG POST EVER by the way.

Anonymous said...

I being of an extremely horny mind, decided to make DIY Ben Wa Balls. Oh yes. I found an old necklace with big beads, cut them loose, cleaned them, and up they went. I shoved three up there. Right before I did I thought "these are really light weight...maybe tie them together just in case". I didn't tie them together. All three inserted....I felt nothing. I have no idea why I thought that this would fill my horny heart with joy, because it didn't. I remember reading some tips about getting them out, so I didn't panic. I quickly got two of them out. Yay me! But then the elusive third one. My fingers weren't quite long enough to wrap around. I also seem to have a vagina that is like a maze with turns and pockets I never knew existed. I'm sure it has always been like that, and is like the for every woman, but when you're trying to fish a bead out of your vagina all reality goes out the window. I tried pushing it out, but that seemed to shove it farther in like my body was eating it for a snack. I tried two long, thin sticks up there to coax it out. I pushed on my stomach. I'm pretty sure I tried to fish it out with other things too. Then I went to the blogs. No one else was dumb and horny like me...no tips on light weight bead stuck in ho-ha. So I ran through the scenario of going to the doctor and having to tell them I shoved a bead up myself. Geez. I was planning on going to a walk in clinic where no one knew my name. I could never show my face at my doctor's office. Or maybe I would be a hero for being so daring?? (Yeah right!) Then I got the bright idea to inject lube into myself. No lube? Olive oil it is. I had a tiny syringe and inserted it just above the devil bead. Thankfully as the olive oil moved down it made the bead slip enough to dig out. I still had to dig it out through the curves of wherever it got stuck behind. Seriously, do all woman have a pelvic bone that traps unsuspecting beads? Being sexually frustrated never sounded so good. From now on I'm anchoring anything that goes into me with a safety leash like surf boards have. :0) Thanks for sharing your story!

Anonymous said...

Thank you SO much Kat - what a relief to know I'm not the only one having a nightmare getting the second ball out! Like so many others, I found your blog when searching online for a solution to a stuck ben wa ball. After reading through all the tips, I sat on the toilet & beared down as if doing a number two & this brought that elusive ball to within reach so I could scoop it out with my finger - massive relief - balls now in bin. How good are you Kat -> this blog entry & all the responses have been helping women disloge ben wa balls from their hoohas for five years now - good work, & a very heartfelt thank you ;D

Anonymous said...

I received mine in the mail a few days ago and after seeing them in person and not just on my computer screen well lets just say I got a bit nervous. Mine didn't come with ANY directions so I began to search on the internet and I couldn't find directions for use of these balls but I came across your blog and I must say I haven't had a laugh like that maybe ever. The way you worded it and told the story was hysterical. My face hurts from laughing and so does my stomach. A good laugh is priceless for the health and believe me I needed a good laugh and your blog gave it to me. You should be a comedian or write more things. You have such a great sense of humor. Thank You for the endless, endless laughing. Anytime I need a good laugh I will be back to read this. I don't have the directions on how to use them yet but I'm so so glad I found this and also a the great comments. : )

Anonymous said...

This is by far one of the BEST blogs i have EVER read!!!! I read a lot!!! This entry is too damn funny!!!!!

LOVED IT!!!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I actually googled how to get a stuck Ben wa ball out last night after a solid hour of panicking and my husband and I were at a loss for what else to do, none the less I stopped panicking and started laughing histerically after reading this, said husband didn't think it was nearly as funny. I however was just glad this had happened to someone other than just me ;)

Anonymous said...

OMG I just spent two hours jumping like a maniac trying to get that stupid ball out!!! Absolute nightmare! No, it never got anywhere near falling out...the only thing that worked was drinking a glass of whine and taking half of a nerve pill to relax. This trash was so not worth it! Apparently my tightness is fine - well, maybe before shoving my finger in beside the ball, wrapping around, and painfully shoving it past that "ledge" it was stuck behind. No way! Mine are so in the trash can now!!