Friday, January 19, 2007

Slap the handcuffs on me ... I'm a criminal!

I don't know if y'all have heard, but Oregon has been dealing with some crazy-ass weather lately. Granted, "crazy-ass weather" to us Portlanders equals "a light dusting of snow" to most of the rest of you folks in these here United States. But it has certainly shut this here city down ... for days!

Case in point, did you guys see this video captured in downtown Portland on Tuesday morning? Hee-larious. I tell ya ... we just don't know what to do in snow. At all.

Even CJ was a bit discombobulated by the chill. Check out this video I shot while trapped at home Tuesday on a "snow day". (yes, I'm pretty dang sure the cats are VERY happy to have the roads clear again. I think I nearly drove them insane with my cabin fever! :))

Poor the kitty. Just wanted to lay on the deck soaking up some rays (don't you worry, kitty ... just another 4 or 5 months of rain and then you'll be able to do just that! )

Anyway, on to the story!

So I managed to make it into work on Wednesday but chose not to drive anywhere for lunch since the roads were still very dicey. So I walked down to a grocery store instead to grab a few items since all I had in my house were about eleventeen hundred bags of Top Ramen that I'm fairly certain are about 10 years old (?? ... I do not know ... sale at Costco???) and a dozen un-frosted cupcakes which I had made the day before out of leftover batter and planned on taking into the office so I wouldn't eat them. Cuz ya know ... diet. (yeah, I'm pretty sure y'all don't need to ask what my meals consisted of while I was trapped at home, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so. Frosting be damned, I say!)

ANYWAY, so I did a little grocery shopping, paid the checker, scooped up the two bags of groceries and headed out to my car. Stored those in the trunk and went back to work.

So I get home that night and start to unpack the groceries. When I notice that one of the bags does not resemble at ALL anything I purchased. The other bag, on the other hand, actually contained every item I did purchase. Which could only mean one thing ... I stole someone's groceries!!!

The incriminating evidence

Mr Police Officer, seriously, I didn't mean to. I wasn't paying attention to The Checker bagging my stuff because I was busy fighting with the debit card machine. And hello .... I was left to my own devices to gather the bags ... and I purchased enough that it could have been two small plastic bags. And who leaves someone else's bag of groceries sitting right there?? Huh? Did the person prior to me forget one? Or was that set there for the employee? Their lunch maybe?

All I know is .... I've left the bag sitting on my kitchen counter because I just don't know what to do with it. I pondered taking it back the next day but forgot to take it with me to work. (Not that I wanted to do that anyway. They'd probably think I was lame.) But now ... hello!.... it's been DAYS. And who does it belong to?? Argh.

It's not like I'm making excuses because I want any of the items in the bag either (had it been a box of Ding Dongs my choice would have been simpler (and my thighs fatter), know what I'm sayin'??) But I don't even want any of it. I guess at this point I could give the items to a friend. But then am I dealing stolen property?? And is it "stolen property" if it wasn't meant to be stolen?

I tell ya .... too many questions I say. And I only have one answer. That being to the question "will I ever be shopping in that particular store again??" And the answer is ..... say it with me ..... "NO"! :)

Yep, I'm going to be thrown in the poky for sure.

["Pssst. Hey you, come here." (*quickly glances over shoulder for any sign of the po-po before opening raincoat to show groceries hanging on insides of coat.*) "I can make you a great deal on some sweet maui onions. How about some egg flower soup? A nice Diet Coke perhaps??? What do you say???" ]


Joyce said...

Don't feel bad, Kat. Just think of those times that the grocery store "forgot" to bag an item that you bought. They just put it back on the shelf and sold it again. I say it all even in the end.

Bobbi said...

The grocery store would just put it back on the shelf, so I think you're off the hook on this one. Once in the grocery store someone in front of me left a cart with several bags full of meat. Now that had to be expensive, how could someone just forget that!

Mark and MeLissa said...

You should totally break open the Maui Onion potato chips. They are sooooo good. I snuck a few of the ones my parents-in-law left behind (allergic to potatoes and onions, but didn't care!) and it was hard to not just eat the whole bag. Don't let them go to waste. :)

Liz G. said...

Find a homeless person who looks like they would enjoy the chips, soup and a diet coke and hand it off...karma restored. :)