Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like some pink fuzzy handcuffs!

So I spotted this sign hanging on a building and couldn't help but laugh. The sign says "Holiday Gift Headquarters".

Which ... for most stores ... like your Target or your Macy's or whathaveya ... is all good.

But this store ... Castle ... the one hanging the sign ... why Castle is a sex toy shop, folks!

That's right ... you heard me.

Now how can a sex toy shop be my "Holiday Gift Headquarters" I ask!?!?? Can you just picture me shopping there with my gift list ...... "okay, I think the leather restraint set for Uncle Tommy. And how about the nipple clamps for Aunt Jenny? Oh, oh, oh ... and definitely the wooden paddle for Grandpa Fred!"

Uhhhhh NO. That just ain't right, folks .... that just ain't right!

Y'all ... I couldn't decorate my way out of a paper bag!

It's true. BUT .... the cake still came out better than I expected.

AND ... had I not shown you the Before Picture, y'all might have thought this cake looked alright. Not "professional" mind you ... I am not THAT delusional (no, no .. REALLY :)) .... but still ... alright.

But ... when you compare it to what it is SUPPOSED to look like ... you've truly just got to slap your knee and laugh. I know I do! I snicker at it every time I see the comparison!!

Now don't get me wrong, I think I did okay with the basketweave and the rope border ... what with it being my first attempt and all.

BUT boy howdy, there is no getting around the fact that I am Flower-Making Challenged!

And also apparently Flower-Placement Challenged.

Yee doggie. What the hell happened there?? I mean, I can only blame Frosting Malfunctions so many times, ya know?! :) There comes a point when I just need to realize I won't be quitting my day job to be a professional cake decorator (not that I was considering it anyway ... just sayin' is all! :))

The cute thing is that no-one at work will cut into the cake until I do the honors. I'm wondering if I should drag it out til like 4pm to see if they manage to resist for that long?

Ah, who am I fooling ... I can't resist that long! There be cake, people! Let's eat!!!!

Thanksgiving 2006 Roundup

Hi y'all. Hope you all had a fabulous Turkey Day. I was planning on blogging while on the road ... but I never quite got around to it (as you may have noticed! :))

But I'm back now ... so let me give you a quick rundown on what went on....

I headed down to LA to be with family for Thanksgiving because my mom was going to cook her first ever turkey!

You heard me .... FIRST TURKEY. Can you believe that?? The woman is 83 years old! How she managed to avoid cooking a turkey all those years is beyond me (and kinda makes me wonder what Thanksgiving past dinners consisted of! :)). But at the same time ... ya gotta give her props - that's got to take talent avoiding that chore for 83 years, dontcha think?!

Anyway, she did a great job! And the turkey was delicious!

My sister J and my niece and nephew were down in LA as well. So we spent some time putting together a gingerbread house! I was so excited ... I had been wanting to do this for the past couple of years but didn't have anyone to do it with (alright, alright ....I hear you cuing the violin music! Knock it off! ;)). So YAY! And just look at this masterpiece!

Isn't that cute?? Even though the curtains I put in the front window look a bit like sagging breasts (I think we did a pretty good job of hiding them behind candy at least!).

Here's the back of the house. The smiley face was my niece's idea (was to!). And that little patch of color on the bottom right ....well that would be our pond. (*snicker*).

I know, I know ... this house won't be winning any awards ... but I still like it!

I also headed out to Citiwalk with my friends V and J on Saturday night. Here are a couple of pictures for those of you unfamiliar with the area. It's a little outdoor mall area right outside of Universal Studios. It has restaurants, shops, a movie theater, and lots of neon! ;)

And I hope you appreciate those pictures. I kept embarrassing V every time I took one. Hee hee. One of the joys of not living there anymore......being able to embarrass my friends with my Touristy Ways! :) (btw, J ... you handled it very well! Thank you! I'll be sure to send you that picture of you pointing out the Citiwalk sign. Too cute!)

We also had dinner at The Smoke House. Here's a blurb about it taken from their website:

Anybody who was "anybody" at Warner Bros. and in the entertainment industry frequently visited The Smoke House. It wasn't unusual to see Errol Flynn, Judy Garland, Milton Berle, or Robert Redford walk through the Smoke House doors and into the restaurant known for respecting their privacy. The Laugh-In show used to rent the restaurant for their parties, and Jack Parr even hosted the Tonight Show from the Smoke House in 1956.

I'm not sure I would necessarily recommend this restaurant to anyone else. The food was really good ... but I've had better service at McDonalds!

And what was up with the valet assuming that the extra 30% he received when I paid for parking was a tip?! Seriously. That was the smallest bill I had and perhaps I was expecting the change. (I wasn't .... but he shouldn't have assumed anything is all I'm sayin'). Sheesh!

And finally, I couldn't help but laugh when I received my "Departure Management Card" for my United airline flight.

I'm sorry ... what's that you ask? What in the world is a "Departure Management Card"?? Why that, my friends, would appear to be the new politically correct way of saying "Boarding Pass". See?

Isn't this crazy!?!

Seriously .. .who thought up this change?? Were we offending Boarding Passes by calling them "Boarding Passes"? They were, after all, used as a pass in order to board a flight. "Departure Management Card"?? ....are you kidding me?!! Is that not the perfect example of Management overthinking things?!! Aye carumba!

That's it for now! I need to dig through my purse to find my Vehicle Activation Management Tools so that I can drive home! (heh)

Oh, and wish me luck ... tonight is my cake decorating class. I baked the cake last night and have icing and some flowers all ready for decorating it tonight. So prepare for a good laugh tomorrow ... this should be a hoot!! :)

My new favorite quote

So my friend A and I went to see Harvey Korman and Tim Conway perform on Friday night. Do y'all remember them from The Carol Burnett Show! ?!

What a hoot they are! And still going strong! YAY!

Anyway, I gleaned my new favorite quote from the show. It is ... are ya ready??...

"I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight!"

HA! Cracks me up! And so accurate! (hey, it is!)

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be drawing on that quote quite a bit over the next month or so! Because Let The Feasting BEGIN, is all I'm sayin'!!! :)

I'm heading out of town so I've been pretty busy. But I have things to tell so I hope to get caught up on the blogging soon! But if I don't get the chance before Thursday, Happy Thanksgiving to y'all! Hope you have a great time!

"Elegant" I ain't!

So y'all didn't think I drove all the way up to Seattle for that Millionaire Mind Conference and not pop into Ikea, now did ya?!

Yeah, I didn't think so. :)

Granted, finding time to get there wasn't easy. We arrived late Thursday night and the conference kept us busy, busy each following day til late at night.

Except for Saturday night.

That day's session ended around 9pm and folks could stick around for an optional mini-session. We pondered staying for all of two seconds, until we realized that we were only about 15 minutes from Ikea and that Ikea HAD to be open later than 9pm on a Saturday night. HAD TO!

Right?

"Right", said the concierge.

Ikea was open til 10pm!!

Whoo hooo!

So we skedaddled back to our rooms knowing full well that by the time we got to Ikea we'd have MAYBE 30-40 minutes in the store.

Didn't matter though ... because 30-40 minutes of Ikea shopping is better than no Ikea shopping at all. And you can quote me on that if'n you want! ;)

So, without much time there, I was impressed that I managed to scoop up a curtain rod, hardware, two finials and a two pack of curtains, all for my master bedroom window.

AND .... just so y'all know ... they even FIT! Whoo hooo!

Of course, I knew the curtains would be extra long .... I had seen the measurements on the package ..... but I also knew that I kinda liked that Elegant Pooling Of The Curtains On The Floor look. (do y'all know the look I'm talking about?! Have you seen it in the magazines??)

Yeah, well ..... I guess in theory the Elegant Pooling idea could work. But I've found a few flaws with regard to The Elegant Pooling Of The Curtains On The Floor look at my house.

First, "elegant" is really not a word one would use to describe ANYTHING in my home. I'm not saying my stuff is "crap" ... I'm just saying it's not really "elegant".

Secondly, The Elegant Pooling Of The Curtains On The Floor look really doesn't work well on wall-to-wall carpeting. Hardwood floors, yes. Travertine tile, most definitely. Wall-to-wall carpet .... not so much.

Thirdly, none of the designer magazines shows The Elegant Pooling Of The Curtains On The Floor with the following accouterments:

I'm not really sure why that is since these "accouterments" seemed to have attached themselves to the curtains ever since I installed them. So I'm curious as to why no other Elegant Pooling Of The Curtains On The Floor has them?!

Perhaps Ikea had a special deal?

I do not know.

All I DO know is .... the look is FAR from elegant.

Especially when I come home to The Pooling "mysteriously" looking like this:

Or this:

Geeeee, I wonder where a kitty is??

Could it be, I wonder, because of things like this and this?:

Ah well, so Elegant I ain't. But at least now I can finally unpack my suitcase!

They must be joking!

So have I mentioned that I've already started the Wilton Cake Decorating Course II? No. Well, I have. :)

This is a four class course over as many weeks. But unlike Course #1, the first three classes of this one involves no cake.... just icing for practice. (my coworkers are not oh so happy)

We've had two classes so far. And in each class we've learned different types of icings (we need something called Royal Icing for most of the decorations we're learning in this course) and how to make different types of flowers.

Then when all is said and done, we bring a two-tiered oval cake to the fourth class and (supposedly) decorate it to look like THIS!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! (*slaps knee in merriment*)

Do y'all see the rope-style borders, the fancy-schmancy basket-weave on the side, and all those flowers (and birds)???? ... yeah ... they're telling me I'm supposedly going to be able to do ALL that!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Yeah.

(*wipes laughter tears*)

What a riot, eh?!!

I'm surprised I actually am posting this "what it is SUPPOSED to look like" picture. Otherwise I could have just posted my finished cake pic and y'all would have been none the wiser.

But ah well. This kinda laughter is something that should be shared.

Two weeks to go to the day til I have MY cake pic ... get your Kleenex ready!

You COULD call me "Lazy"....

..... OR...... you could call me a "Good Cat Mom".

My vote is for the Good Cat Mom. (who me? ... biased?)

Even though Emma sleeping on the suitcase which I last used over a week ago (oops) is only reason #5 of why my suitcase is yet unpacked and stored away in the closet.

Reasons 1-4 perhaps all have to do with Laziness. P-e-r-h-a-p-s. :)

But really ... she loves it SOO much ... how could I possibly deny her the pleasure? (see? ... Good Cat Mom! :))

It is a Crazy World

So yesterday I was reading an article about a Los Angeles firefighter who was awarded $2.7 MILLION because some of his coworkers put dog food in his spaghetti. Yep, 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS for eating two bites of dog food (yes, he pulled The Race Card .... I'm not going there)

Then I read an article today about a man wrongfully accused of rape (he was just proved innocent via some DNA testing) who served 18 YEARS in prison and for that was awarded a paltry $450 THOUSAND!

That's right ...

- having to serve 18 YEARS of your life IN PRISON for a crime you didn't commit .... 450 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
- eating two bites of dog food and enduring some barking jests ...... 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS!
- the absurdity of our justice system ...... PRICELESS!

'Nuff said.

How to Annoy Your Cat #1

Keep taking pictures (with flash, for maximum Annoying Points) while your cat drinks water.

Especially if your cat is drinking water out of the pitcher you just filled so you could quickly water your plants. But now you must wait and wait (and wait) while your cat drinks more than her weight in water simply because, as we all know, Water In Pitcher is to Water In Cat's Drinking Bowl as Champagne is to Toilet Water. Apparently.

Please note that this "Picture Taking With Flash" Annoyance Tactic also works well on Significant Others while they are trying to sleep (what?) :)

Millionaire Mind Update

For those of you who have been asking, NO I did not pay $1295 for the weekend seminar. I was one of the lucky few who got in for free! Whoo hooooo!

I hear that they stopped offering the seminar for free around mid-summer because too many people would sign up and then never show up. (I heard for our conference that 1600 people signed up but only 1000 showed). So they have discontinued that. BUT .... I have a coupon ... or can tell you how to get a coupon... which will get you in for $97. They call it a "good faith" payment. But they also give you a bag full of cds and a certificate for $100 off of either some of their products or a future seminar (I forget which). So technically, you MAKE money just by going.

Which wasn't the case for me. Because I was still wearing my I'm Skeptical Hat on the first day of the conference and wasn't handing over money FOR ANYTHING. Even those nifty bags of goodies they had a few of. Figured the whole thing was a scam and we were just going to be pressured into buying other products and seminars. And though the opportunity was certainly available to do so ... I'd like to happily report that I refrained from purchasing ANYTHING.

Well, other than some hypnotherapy cds.

Yeah, that's right ... you heard me .... hypnotherapy cds. They brought in a hypnotist at one point and she did about a 20 minute group session with us. It was pretty interesting. I've never been more relaxed in all my life. And though I don't know if I was actually ever REALLY hypnotized .... oddly, I felt the NEED to purchase her cds immediately following the session. (heh)

But I recall everything she said during the session so I'm pretty sure (*bark, bark*) that I was never hypnotized. Yep, (*quack, quack*) just bought them because they are (*cluck, cluck, cluck*) very worthwhile.

No, no REALLY (*hops up and down on one foot*)! :)

But in all seriousness, I WILL probably go to another one of these seminars again once I have assimilated some of the things I learned in this first one. And while there, I will sign on to go to OTHER seminars they have.

Because these Peak Potential people do put on some amazing events!

(*ribbet, ribbet*)? :)

Just call me Ostrich!

Hi y'all! I'm still a-liveeeeee! I'm still a-liveeeeee!

Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I was out of town for an extended weekend. I went up to Seattle for an AMAZING conference. Called the Millionaire Mind Intensive! I highly recommend* it to all y'all interested in figuring out what is holding you back from reaching your peak potential. Very, very enlightening. Who KNEW I was an Avoider?!! I didn't! But I AM! How fascinating is that?!! (hey now! ... it is to me! :)).

And what I found even more fascinating is that I used to be a Saver .... right up until the time I got married. To a Spender. Then money (or the lack thereof) just caused WAY too much stress. And so now I avoid. Even though I'm no longer married. And even though now my finances are under control. Hmmmmmm.

And I think I may do that in other areas of my life now too. Do y'all SEE me going out on many dates? Meeting many men?

NOPE.

How about me out and about seeking out other job opportunities even though I have bitched about my job for years? Anyone? Anyone??

NOPE.

I just hunker down and stick my head in the sand. Just call me Ostrich.

So. The GOOD news is that the first step to change is Awareness. And now I am aware.

Painfully so.

Hallelujah! Pass the Tylenol! :)

So, the insight I learned over the weekend was SO worth the time and the energy and the money it took to spend three days at this conference. And what made it even easier was the amazing people who were there learning and growing right along side me. I wanted to take each and every one of them home with me so I could remain surrounded by these 1000 supporting, positive people!! It was AWESOME!!!

But now I'm back. And my mind has been busy continuing to analyze all the things I learned over the weekend. So I haven't been blogging. Mea culpa. (which again, for the record ... is because I've been BUSY ... not because I've been AVOIDING! Just sayin'! ;))

But I will. I promise!

Happy Wednesday, y'all.

*WHEN you do go, tell them that Ambassador #431532 sent ya. That'd be me. And I'm tellin' ya ... "it's good to be Ambassador" (heh!)

BoomeRING?

So did I mention several weeks ago that I lost my thumb ring?

In a toilet?

A public, much used toilet?

A toilet located in the building in which I work?

Yep, it just slipped right off my thumb when I went to flush. Plop. Straight to the bottom. There it sat staring up at me through the yellowy water.

I admit I hesitated. I thought, it's only pee ... and that's a ring. I COULD save it.

But then sanity returned and I thought, it's PEE for goshsakes ... and, moreover, it's PEE which is in a PUBLIC TOILET! And the ring has absolutely NO sentimental value and cost me less than $20!

So I did what any Level-Headed (with slight Monk tendencies) Woman would do .... I flushed the toilet and walked away.

......

But then the weirdest thing happened. When I returned to said restroom in the late afternoon that day, I spotted a bright yellow handwritten sign posted on the paper towel dispenser which read "Ring found. Please call Brian at xxx-xxx-xxxx".

I believe I gasped.

But then realized, "there is NO way that's MY ring ... I flushed it."

But the coincidence was so astounding that I mentioned my story to several coworkers upon my return from the restroom. Because I know MY ring I flushed ... but how odd that the same day I lose mine that another ring is found.

And I'm thinking (forgive my Blondeness), "surely no-one monitors the pipes for what comes through, right?! (EWWWW) Could there BE some kinda filter somewhere?? Because that's the only way it could be MY ring."

One of the coworkers whom I told was our office manager. And she called Brian (the building's maintenance guy) and left a voicemail saying that one of the employees in our office did lose a ring, a thumb ring, could that possibly be it?

We never heard back.

Until today.

When Brian walked into the building and my coworker and he approached me and inquired as to what the ring I lost looked like. I slipped off my current thumb ring and said it looked pretty similar to that. He took my ring, inspected it, handed it back, then handed me MY FLUSHED TOILET WATER/PEE SOAKED RING!

"Yay!!", "EWWWW" .. I just don't know

I didn't know whether to be happy or to chuck the evil toilet-germ infested ring across the room. But because he just looked so pleased-as-punch about returning it to me, I just took it and vowed to thoroughly scrub and disinfect my hand as soon as he left.

Man, was I embarrassed though. Because he was inquiring as to HOW the ring got into the toilet. He was thinking that perhaps I had chucked it on purpose in a fit of "MEN STINK!".

So I had to confess to him that "I just went The PeePee and then it fell off when I reached to flush said PeePee down the toilet."

Sigh.

WHY? Why do men have to inquire about the embarrassing Toilet Things. It's not a topic I want to discuss with a strange man (if ANY man). AND ... I think he found out info he would have preferred not to know. Like that the ring was a cheap $20 ring (he was asking if it was made out of white gold), that it had NO sentimental value, and that it was originally stewing in a pot of Pee. (HA!) That will teach him to ask those types of questions going forward, I should think!!

And so now my ring is back. I think I'll call it "My Boomering".

Of course, as to whether or not I will ever WEAR it again ... why, that's another story!