So y'all know how The Universe likes keep things balanced, right?!
And you also know just how good The Universe has been to me lately? ... what with my trying to coordinate the sale and purchase of my house and new condo?
I mean, really ... the list has been ENDLESS with regard to everything I've needed to have go JUST SO.
And, amazingly, it HAS. I have had phenomenal luck lately. Even taking into account the minor glitches along the way (see: "GDO Remote" Saga. And "Get the F Outta My Condo, Mr Condo Seller" Saga)
And, granted, I have had to work my ASS off to keep things running as smoothly as possible and to really take charge and stay on the ball to make sure what needed to get done, got done.
But really .... even with all my hard work, and all the good wishes of friends and family that have been floating out there lately, I have undeniably been phenomenally lucky as well. No doubt about it.
Which brings us back to my "So y'all know how The Universe likes to keep things balanced, right?!"
Uh yeah.
The house/condo deal closed officially Friday at 5pm. Not less than an hour later .........................
THANKFULLY no-one was injured. Though the other driver is uninsured. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Y'all, my baby. :( This is one car that has not just been a mode of transportation. I am emotionally attached to it. And the insurance company is saying that they will probably total it*.
Which just makes me sad, sad, sad.
Not to mention financially screwed. And to think just Friday afternoon I called for the payoff on it. (doesn't that just suck?)
Mr. Universe, I'd like to think that makes us even now. Pretty please? With cherries on top???
So I purchased a brand-spanking new 9V battery for the Garage Door Opener's remote yesterday evening JUST IN CASE the THREE other 9V batteries I tried on it were, for some bizarre reason, dead. The new 9V battery did not do the trick (I was kinda relieved by that .... would have been pretty dang embarrassing to have had this GDO saga dragging out for SOOO long only to have THAT as the solution!)
Anyway, Buck came by later that evening and had me open the remote so he could see the pins and such for himself. (which also included much touching and tapping and wiggling of parts ... such as Boys tend to do (*insert Tim "The Toolman" Taylor grunts in here*)).
Finding no obvious issues with the remote, he then grabbed my ladder and clambered up to the actual GDO to take a looksee. After viewing every possible angle of it, including the parts hidden by the easily removable parts, I hear "huh". Followed eventually by "there doesn't seem to be an easy way into this thing".
Which amused me to no end, let me tell you ....... what with this little ole chica having come to the same conclusion herself.
But THEN ... ah ha ... he decided to start messing with the wall unit of the remote. This kinda freaked me out because up to this point that wall unit still worked to open and close the GDO. (Which would make it the ONLY thing that worked to open and close the GDO). And with it being so dang old and decrepit looking, the thought of him mucking with it (and unintentionally breaking it) did cross my mind (sorry Buck). But I played nurse to his surgeon ("scalpel", "scalpel" .... "screwdriver", "screwdriver") and let him crack it open.
And in it .... we found ...... (*insert drum roll here*) ........... PINS!
Yes. we. did!!!
Now don't y'all think that would have been a handy tidbit for either of the Sears workerbees to mention to me?? You know, that the pins are in the WALL UNIT? Anyone?? Anyone?? Bueller?? Bueller?
YES. That little piece of information would have been DAMN handy people. Instead I'm wasting time looking at the formidable bolts on the actual GDO thinking "there is NO way I'll ever get that put back together correctly even IF I can get it taken apart!" :)
So anyway, Buck read off the settings of the pins on the wall unit while I checked them to the settings of the pins on the remote control and, would you believe, #4 was wrong!?! I do not know how! Because I was SOOO careful when I was changing out the battery because the motherboard looked so decrepit I was scared to even mildly jostle it. And yet ... I can't imagine that it somehow flipped while ensconced within the remote hanging unassumingly from my car's visor all those long months ago.
But REGARDLESS of how it happened .... the IMPORTANT thing is that once #4 was switched back on the remote .... THE REMOTE WORKED!
IT WORKED, PEOPLE, IT WORKED!!!! YAY!!!! I can now officially meet the conditions set out by the buyer of my house. (WHEW! ... cuz y'all remember just how important this GDO remote is to him!)
Actually, officially ... he is now the OWNER of the house. It closed yesterday. And the word is that my condo is definitely closing today .... even if I have an unwanted tenant for awhile longer! :)
Which I'm hoping isn't for TOO long.
Nay ... I'm going to BELIEVE it isn't for too long. That's right ..... he WILL be out by noon tomorrow!
AND the flooring contractors are showing up bright and early Monday morning just like they said they would!
(How's that for living in a fantasy world??? (hey! ... it might be the ONLY place I have to live soon so give me a break here, would ya??! :))
Soooooo .... unbeknownst to me .... there has been this whole melodrama going on behind my back with regard to the purchase of my condo. In that .... the seller tried to back out this week.
Can you imagine??!!
But my realtor made sure to keep it from me .... even asking the title people and my lender not to say anything (hehe) .. .because she didn't want me to worry (I say "worry" ... but I believe my realtor actually used the more accurate term "FREAK OUT"!). Because ya know, my house is SOLD ... recorded TODAY ..... and I need to be out in a few days (I negotiated some free rent-back in order to get some work done on the condo before I move in) .... and I would have had NOWHERE to go. Here's the scoop as I'm hearing it now:
The Seller went in to sign the closing documents this week and found out that he owes on a prepayment penalty for paying off his loan early. He freaked out and said "no sale!"
Isn't that crazy? What are we talkin'? ... maybe two grand?
My guess is he probably tried to pass this expense off to me ... or to the two realtors (mine and his). But they weren't having none of that (it is HIS responsibility to know the terms of his own loans, for goodness sakes)
And somehow they managed to get him in to sign the papers again.
Unfortunately, during Signing Attempt #2 he received a phone call from some schmuck of his on the east coast who has been "advising" him all along in the sale of this condo (and really, causing many problems during earlier negotiations) who told him to put the pen downnnn and walk awayyyy from the closing documents. And The Seller did!
More conversations with both realtors and The Seller ... and quite possibly some mention of a lawsuit and The Seller being left with NO equity whatsoever ..... and he agreed to come in to sign the papers for a THIRD time.
To which he did. FINALLY. Like only two hours ago!!!!
OMG!
But WAIT ... there's MORE. So now that he finally signed all the papers, we can still close as scheduled on the condo tomorrow. Which means that The Seller must turn over possession to me by 5pm.
Right.
So NOW The Seller is saying there is NO WAY he'll be out by tomorrow at 5pm (as has been the plan for the past THREE WEEKS). He wants til Saturday at noon.
Y'all ... this man has some wool rugs, a few floor pillows, a wood slat thing with a futon mattress on it for his couch, a bed, and a hookah (which I'm thinkin' wasn't just used for tobacco). That's IT! That shit can be moved out in an HOUR. BUT NOOOO. He says it can't be done but if I can just give him til noon Saturday he'll be all out!
Bullshit.
This man does not play nice. And he's been flying his Freak Flag ultra high since the first day I met him (I met him the first time I viewed the condo with my realtor. He's so paranoid he wouldn't allow a lockbox to be on his door so either he or his realtor ONLY could show his house.). He's a crazy one, I tell ya. And you can't trust anything he says. Even his realtor knows this (and refuses to do business with him again)
So I KNOW that even if I give him til noon Saturday ... he will completely and utterly take advantage of the situation and won't be out. I KNOW this. I would show up Saturday at noon and he will be spouting lame excuses as to why NOTHING has been removed yet.
And granted, it's not like I HAVE to be in there this weekend. It would be nice. So I can frickin' start disinfecting that place for starters (as I said, I've met him .... there will be MUCH disinfecting going on). But he won't be out.
So now I'm not so sure what to do. I've spoken to my realtor and said I would graciously allow him the extra time. BUT. I want something SIGNED that says he's either out by noon Saturday or he starts owing me big bucks for every hour he's late. I figure, with him, money is a HUGE incentive.
The problem is .... what are the chances he'll sign that kind of document?
Slim to none, my friends. Slim to none.
So we'll see what happens. Does he:
a) do the right thing and get his shit out when he was originally supposed to? b) get his shit out by noon on Saturday? c) leave by noon on Saturday but TRASH the place? d) drag his move out over the course of the entire weekend .... giving new yet lamer excuses every hour? e) refuse to leave? Ever. Any guesses?
So Buck and I were hanging out Monday night and he graciously agreed to go with me to Sears to continue working on The GDO Remote Issue. What with the house "closing" this week and all.
This time I went prepared .... I had the model number of the GDO written down!!
We went to a different Sears.
Apparently, this Sears could give a rat's ass about the GDO model number.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So I approach a workerbee in the GDO section and wail, "My GDO does not have a shiny red button to press to recode my remote after changing the battery!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" (or something to that affect)
Buck surreptitiously moved away and pretended to not know me.
The workerbee fought hard to resist the urge to flee, yet replied, "Does your remote have pins?"
I stared confusedly.
She elaborated, "Ya know, pins?!! Like little switches you can set to 'on' or 'off'??"
I thought hard and realized that I had no frickin' idea!
I mean, I HAD opened up the remote to change the battery. And had seen the motherboard-thingy (I believe that's the technical name for it). And I remember transistors and much soldering on the motherboard-thingy ... but I don't remember pins!
I said, "I don't know if there were pins or not. BUT (*a ha!*) I have brought with me the model number" (*insert digging in pocket and proudly extracting yellow sticky note with GDO model number written on it*)
She said, "Oh, we don't go by the model number here. We used to have some book but we don't any more. Do you have the remote?"
Me: "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Workerbee: "Okay. Well IF your remote has pins, then maybe they got switched when you were changing the battery. You'll want to compare them to the pins on your GDO and just make sure that the two match. If they do and the new battery doesn't do the trick, then you need to get a new remote."
Me (thinking): "Pins on my GDO??????? Where the HELL are the pins on my GDO??? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Me (saying): "So in case pins are not the issue, which new remote would I need? I can just buy it now and save myself a trip to another Sears if/when the pin configuring trick doesn't work."
Workerbee: "That will depend .... if you had the remote with you, I could figure it out for you."
Me: "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
So I slunk home and checked out my remote. And by George, there ARE pins. If'n you turn the motherboard-thingy over. See?
However, I'm not seeing pins on my GDO. At least not within the parts I've taken off. No other parts look like they dissassemble easily and so I MAY be hoping that someone (hint, hint, Buck) will come over and check it out for me! (fyi Buck: I'm pencilling you in for Thursday evening! ;))
And so this is where it stands as I see it:
a) perhaps the two "new" batteries I tried are simply dead (they were just sitting in my cupboard). Maybe I should try a brand spanking new battery and all would be well. (hey, it's possible!)
b) the battery now is fine but the remote pins did get skewed when I replaced the battery and no longer match the ones on the GDO. (this one I find unlikely)
c) the remote is dead dead dead regardless of pins and battery. In which case I need to bring the remote (apparently) into that Sears and that chick can then tell me which NEW remote would work the same. (in which case I will probably STILL need to locate the pins on the GDO so that I can set the pins on the new remote to match. UNLESS, the new remotes don't use pins. In which case it seems logical to ask .... then WHAT? Being that my GDO does not have a shiny red magic button. (grrrr))
d) say "fuck it" and keep the house. Sans working remote.
So have I mentioned yet that the remote for my garage door opener (GDO) doesn't work??
And hasn't worked for the past couple of months?!? Unbeknownst to my home buyer?!
Yeah, I didn't think so.
My thoughts .... nay, my HOPES ... were that the remote simply needed a new battery. Seems logical, right?
However, having now tried TWO different 9V batteries which I had in stock and neither one bringing the remote back to life ... I'm beginning to get concerned.
Ya know, what with the sale of my housedependingon the remote working and all.
Sigh.
So I took the remote down to my local Sears (from which the GDO came) and inquired as to the possible problem.
The very helpful sales clerk asked if I had "recoded" the remote after replacing the battery.
"AH HA", I thought. Recoding. Good. Sounds cheap.
Of course, having no idea what that meant, I gave him the puzzling "what the hell are you talkin' about, Willis??" look.
So he trotted me over to one of the GDOs they had on display and showed me a shiny red button. He's all, "See this? Simply hold down this red button on yours for 5 seconds, then press the "open" button on your remote so it will 'code' that key to open your garage door."
Y'all ... I could NOT have been happier! I thanked the sales clerk profusely and skedaddled home to use my new found knowledge to get this problem resolved. And resolved quick!
Because it sounded easy enough, right?! Just hold down the button for 5 seconds. What could possibly go wrong??
Uh yeah.
Well, I'll TELL you what could go wrong! My ancient model of the frickin' garage door opener HAS NO shiny red button to press. There is NO button, people. Not a red one .... not a blue one .... not even a purple one. No button!
GAH!
So now I have to head BACK to a Sears, GDO model number in hand, and inquire as to how the "recoding" was done in the good ole days before the existence of the shiny red buttons!
Or cursing me with their generosity, depending on how you look at it! ;)
So last night I'm putzing around the house (HOT house, grrrr) thinking "man, I wish I wasn't allergic to grocery shopping because then maybe I'd have some ice-cream or some type of cold dessert to eat right now."
I then proceeded to open up the freezer to stare wistfully into its depth.
Suddenly I realized that all this frozen crap will need to be cleaned out before I move. So I shifted some items around to figure out what the hell was in there* so I'd have an idea of what I would throw out, what I could use prior to moving, and what would need to be moved.
While doing so, I stumbled across ...... are ya ready for this ............ FUDGE!!!!!
That's right, 6 pieces of cold fudge-ety goodness leftover from the holidays!!!! PLUS some kinda chocolate rocky road brittle stuff my sister made which was stored in the same freezer bag.
Y'all ................ do you KNOW how happy that made me and my PMSing self?!!! No, no ... do you?!!!!
I'm tellin' you, you've never seen someone's face light up so much as I did upon the realization that the Sugar Gods had gifted me with FUDGE!
.........
BUT WAIT ... there's more!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walk into work this morning without having had breakfast (again, see "allergic to grocery shopping") and wishfully ask my officemate if he knows if anyone brought in any goodies today. He says he doesn't think so.
BIG SIGH!
But THEN, not 20 minutes later, the office manager walks in to our office and asks me if I think anyone would want donuts this morning! Then trotted off to purchase some when she heard my enthusiastic "HELL YES!"
WHOOO HOOOOOOOO!
Life is good.
Now if only the Hot Celebrity Gods and the Lotto Gods would listen to my wishful musings! ;)
I FINALLY have a signed addendum which confirms that the sale is still a "go"!!!! Whoo hoooooooo!
However.
(*insert sound of throat clearing*) The dude ACTUALLY wrote ... quite literally ... that (click to enlarge):
For those of you unable to read tiny fax-smudged print, the line reads:
"Seller to furnish working garage door opener to the above mentioned address".
AND THEN, as if that wasn't bad enough, the buyer actually added:
"and remote control (working)"
HAHAHAHAHA. God I love that guy.
Because that was it for the addendum after the inspection.
No worries about the corroding plumbing. Nor the faltering deck. Screw the ancient electrical wiring. And the I'm-Older-Than-God Furnace. But wait ...... I will HAVE the garage door opener remote or the sale is OFF!
WTF?! Seriously, just gotta love his priorities.
So anyway, the GOOD NEWS is ... the sale is still on. And we're looking to close next week (ARGH!).
In the meantime, anyone need any doorknobs? Window panes? How about some planks of hardwood flooring? Or house keys? Cuz apparently he doesn't want those (I mean, if he did he would have listed it, right?? :))
So I'm busy trying to coordinate the purchase of a new condo with the selling of my current house.
Y'all know how frickin' DIFFICULT that is?!
Especially when you purchase the condo first and then kinda leave it to The Universe to take care of you on the selling of your home in the hopes that it will sell BEFORE you need the equity from it for the down payment on your new condo. (daring much??)
Well, (I don't want to jinx anything) but The Universe MAY like me afterall.
I listed my house a little over a week ago and I had an offer after only 5 days. I've been keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well. The inspection was Sunday. (yes, SUNDAY! And they showed up at 8:12 A.M.!!! (*insert much grumbling*!))
So yesterday, after reviewing the inspection report, the buyer wanted me to drop our agreed upon price by $2500.
I gambled and said "HELL NO". (I know, pretty crazy* considering I need the down payment money by the end of this month.)
After much negotiations between my realtor and his all yesterday afternoon, word is that all is still going through as-is ... without my giving up another $2500 ....... as long as (are you ready for this???)......................I give the new buyer the remote to the garage door opener. (no, I am not kidding you).
Hello, people?! What IS that?! I mean, OF COURSE I was going to give him the remote anyway. I've already told him I'd give him things he hasn't even negotiated for .... like leftover paints and the number for the guy that trims my hedge (heh).
And to me ... the remote GOES with the house. It's not like he has to negotiate for the keys to the front door or anything, ya know?! It's a given ... you buy the house ... you get the keys. AND the remote!
And yet, him ... willing to stop the purchase of a house (after having paid big bucks for an inspection and the appraisal) if I don't have a remote to give him for the garage door opener!!!
That, my friends, is a special kinda crazy. Push comes to shove, I will BUY him a new garage door opener ... with remote. What is that ..... $300 total??
Anyway, I have yet to get the "we're proceeding on the sale of the house" in writing yet ... but now having told my realtor to assure the buyer that I HAVE the remote .....SUPPOSEDLY I will have a signed document today that says we're good to go. (this is where the much finger-crossing would be appreciated!)
Though perhaps I will need to PROVE I have the garage door opener first? And give it to the title company to put into escrow for safe-holding til the sale closes???
Seriously, send good thoughts. I won't be able to relax until I get this in writing. Cuz you just never know when dealing with The Crazies.....
*But in My Crazy Defense, I had already dropped the price a little for him from my asking price knowing that there would be some inspection issues. (It's a 1947 house ... what do you expect?!) And he knew the price drop was because of possible inspection issues ... and not just because I like to give away free money!
I've purchased a condo so I won't have my flower gardens anymore.
I MAY have a couple of places I can plant a few things around my front door ... and will certainly have flower pots on my deck ..... but I will have nothing compared to this:
Isn't that pretty? (*insert sound of me patting myself on the back*) :)
I think I'm mostly ga ga over it because I remember what it looked like when I first moved in:
Just call me "ghetto"
(No, no ... that's the same area ... I SWEAR! See?)
Of course, all kudos go to Ms C for instilling the gardening bug* in me. And for sharing some of her favorite perennials:
Like, the echinecea coneflower. I love this flower. Blooms from now til late fall. Simply gorgeous!
'Magnum'
And the catmint. My kitties LOVE this stuff.
'Walker's Low' catmint in foreground
My daisies (which I love, love, love) are in full bloom and I already have three full bouquets of them throughout my house. And yet .... still all these still to be had!
'Becky' Daisies
Isn't that crazy? I'm fairly certain that is what one might call a "shitload of daisies"!
And these African Daisies which aren't really perennials but which have been known to survive a winter or two.
And last, but not least, the Mexican Feather grasses.
Ms C gave me one or two starts from her yard several years ago. And I now have .... at last count .... 5,642,001 of them. (more prolific than bunnies in heat, I tell ya).
But I love these grasses. And recommend them. Just buy several less than you actually want is all. Just sayin'. ;)
I love me the flowers now! And I will miss them when I move.
So I received the loan documents from my mortgage broker yesterday and it was great to see that he had prefilled a lot of the fields for me. Until I got to this one................
Somehow seeing "Unmarried Woman" pre-printed and in such bold lettering on these legal documents simply hit me wrong last night.
I think this reminds me of the 'Sex and The City' episode in which Miranda was purchasing her first place. She had to keep telling the loan guy "it's just me" when he'd keep asking if she had a husband who would be co-signing .... or if "daddy" would be providing the down payment. And sign additional papers to that effect.
And I understand that on the one hand there is the sense of pride in accomplishing so much on one's own. You know, the selling and purchasing of one's own houses.
And yet, on the other hand............................."It's just me".
So I'm shopping for hardwood flooring for the new condo. And so I bopped over to a wholesale hardware flooring warehouse at lunch to check out the samples so I can let my contractor know which hardwood I want.
And all was going well .... la la la, la la la .... until tall, dark, handsome (single? ... no wedding ring) workerbee approached me.
He was Mr Information, answering all my questions with the ease of ... well ... someone that works in hardwoods and knows what he's talking about.
We get to the point in which we're discussing the differences between prefinished hardwood floors (not laminates or engineered ... actual real hardwood simply prefinished) and hardwoods which are installed, sanded and then finished in place. And the only difference that is a minor concern to me is that the prefinished supposedly have a microscopically beveled edge and so you kinda see the groove between boards. (don't fall asleep yet, people .... stay with me now. I'm just giving you the setup here).
So the samples at this showroom are maybe 3' x 2'. Ya know, kinda difficult to really see if the difference between the prefinished and the non-prefinished is going to be an issue for me when all they have to look at are tiny samples.
And so I ask, innocently enough: "Do you know of any public location in the Portland area which has the prefinished so that I can really get a feel for what they look like?" (thinking that maybe he knows of a furniture store or a museum or something which has these prefinished hardwoods so I can compare to what I know hardwoods installed, sanded and finished in place look like)
And Cutie-Patootey replies:"You mean ones which are already laid or just some really good samples? Because I know some great showrooms.."
And I said, "Oh no, I wanna see something LAID!"
Which I thought sounded innocent enough in my head, even with the added emphasis on the word "laid" ....
........until I saw the twinkle in his eyes, that is.
So I quickly added, "ya know, hardwood" in an attempt to keep the conversation on track and cover my mild embarrassment.
Uh yeah. "hard wood". "laid". Yeah, I won't be going back. That that man was able to stifle his laughter still amazes me. Though I think he only managed until me and my American Cherry red face mumbled an exit line and quickly skeddadled outta there!
.....
Now I'm thinkin' tile* flooring might be a nice option instead, dontcha think?! :) *I was going to say "carpet" until I realized the troubles I could get into with that wording as well!! ;)
The biggest miracle of all, I threw them into the hot wash and then the dryer hoping with all fingers and toes crossed that they wouldn't shrink away into oblivion ..................
before
....and they didn't!!!!!
after
Whoo hooo! I ACTUALLY believe that a baby will fit into them!
Of course, not having had any babies to call my own ... my perception as to what will and what won't fit a baby could be completely and utterly skewed. But until proven otherwise, I say that they'll fit!
AND that they are the coolest thing since sliced bread!
Yep, folks, that's ME! As well as Her Royal Highness of Avoidance-land. And errr, Queen of Denial! (not to be confused with 'Queen of De-Nile' (ha!))
Anyway, so as I type, the ink is being laid to the paper that binds me to purchasing a new home. (well, unless I choose to forfeit my Earnest Money .... which.I.don't!). Yep! Me!... buying a new home! Whoo hooo!
BUT ... that means I have only until closing on this new place to sell my current house.
Ya know, the house which isn't on the market yet.
And isn't even ready to be shown yet. (yikes!)
Uh yeah.
So you see where I should maybe be working on that stuff?? Ya know, the weeding, pruning, bark dusting, cleaning, packing, updating, general spit-shining of the place??
Not to mention all the stuff I need to plan for the new place ... like scheduling all the flooring people and general contractors in there to get me estimates for work I'll need done as soon as I get possession ... when the only time I'll have for them before it closes will be the two hour window I'll have during the inspection .... which will be THIS WEEK!
Yeah, me neither. :)
I have been spending SO much time lately soul searching, and house hunting, and house vs condo pondering, and house hunting, and not selling vs selling pondering, and house hunting, and number crunching, and house hunting ... that I am FED UP!
I figure now that the decision to sell has been made ... and the decision to buy has been made ... and the decision WHAT to buy has been made .... and the sale has been negotiated (no easy task with this seller ... trust me on this)... I deserve a little Time of Celebration.
And, who knew, but apparently Time of Celebration includes a little Craigslist Bashing. (I know! I'da never guess that either ... but apparently it must be true because here it is! ....on the internets! And if it's on the internets ... it MUST be true! Right? Right! :))
So without further ado.......
I like to eat dead babies - 24 Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org Date: 2006-06-29, 1:17PM PDT
Hi, I like to eat dead babies and would love to meet with a gall who does also. I prefer mine medium rare with a sprig of parsley, but sometimes like to eat them ah la sushi. Does that make me weird? Maybe so, but I don't care. It's what I do, and I need someone to love me for who I am. Now, I'm not some sort of sicko like you might be thinking. I never eat a dead baby that is old enough for a personality, thats just plain sick and wrong. Just young enough that all they can say is "goo goo ga ga", that's it. So please, if you prefer dead children, do not respond, sick-o.
Ok, I might be exaggerating just a little. What I really like is unborn babies. You know, like chicken babies, fresh out of the shell. But I had you going, didn't I? Admit it.
Really, if your looking for a funny guy, there is none funnier than me.
[?????????????????????????????????????????]
This only counts if I'm in a funny mood, otherwise I'm really not that funny at all.
[okay, well that explains it. He obviously wasn't in his "funny mood". Cuz "eating dead babies" ... even coming up with the thought of "eating dead babies" ... rather frightening if'n you ask me. Just sayin'!]
U R a slender female....friendship ONLY..... - 51
[all your friends MUST be "slender". Bullshit.]
you no you want to Reply to: pers-craigslist.org Date: 2006-06-28, 8:26PM PDT
[Oh "know" I don't!]
Im looking for a girl who wants to move in with me - 42 Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org Date: 2006-06-29, 12:59AM PDT
Looking for a nice caring hearted woman, easy going like me, whose open to exploring all aspects of love, relationship, intimacy, sharing fun times together and responsibilities as they come.
[in other words ... he's looking for a sugar-mama. Why not just say it, guy?! "I NEED A SUGAR MAMA! (there! I said it for you!)]
And probably the strangest one I've yet to see (and that's saying something folks!]....
Need woman who wants to get pregnant now, not later - 37 Reply to: pers-@craigslist.org Date: 2006-06-29, 1:42PM PDT
almost desperate decent looking man looking for woman who wants to get pregnant at any cost and wants me in the picture. 5'11" 190lbs. blue eyes br. hair and stocky built. want someone soon to get pregnant and worry about the relationship later. I will marry you if i get you pregnant and you want me. Please give this a try and respond I need a child in my life. all serious inquiries considered. Love Shawn
["almost desperate"?? Oh no, no, buddy. I do believe you have crossed the line to "full-blown desperate"! Just sayin'!]
