Too Funny

This headline just cracks me up! (but I'm simple like that! ;))

Hawaiian Sun Campaign Delayed By Rain

(*snicker, snicker, guffaw*)

[HEY ... it's been a long week ... I'm loopy so cut me some slack! ;)]

Much Randomness

Okay, I've been slacking on the blogging ... I know, I know. But I've been busy online house-hunting ... errr ... I mean .. WORKING! (*grin*)

But I am taking a break to bring you the latest.

Knitting news:

The pink purse ... she is done! Whoo hoo!

In fact, the second felted blue purse is done as well ... just minus the button. (errr, and a picture of it! ;)) But being that the same yarn was used (by request) as the first purse, just imagine that this is a picture of it here! ;)

And that is that with regard to the felted purses! Done! Finito! Stick a fork in me! Onward and upward, I say!

Next I'm jonesing to start a bear. A real teddy bear. But I have yet to buy the supplies so maybe I'll actually get back to finishing my second pink sock. (or not! ;))

Plus I've been busy trying to get my house ready for sale ... and reading, so haven't been knitting as much.

But apparently my mom has. Who I guess used to knit. But since I've never seen her it must be decades. And decades. (oh alright ... and DECADES (shut it! Yes, I'm old!!!)).

But now ... she is knitting again. And I take full credit for the inspiration! (regardless of whether it's true or not! ;)). And one of the first things she created .... this hat. What a hoot!

Current readings:

I made the mistake of starting the book "The Contest" (by Matthew Reilly) Monday night. Yeah, read that puppy right on through. Quite the page turner. And kinda creepy. One of those in which I kept hearing noises and praying it was the cats. (which, being that they were hunkered down on the bed with me ... it wasn't. But we're not thinking about that. Nope. Nuh-uh. Wasn't anything creepy trying to break in and kill me so just shut it! :))

I have started another of his but (luckily?) it is not AS big a page turner. And so it will linger on til tonight ... or maybe tomorrow.

On the Dating Front:

Nothing. Bupkus. Nada. No meets in sight. And not much online of interest either. BAH!

But, the good news, at least I've proven to myself that I'm not completely desperate! Whoo hoo!

Cuz if I was, I would have replied to the guy who emailed me the following:

"your new pic is much better than the one before. I wonder if we could learn more about each other by email thhen if we want to in person? "

Uh yeah, folks. Who the hell starts out a first email to someone with THAT kinda comment. It's rude, right?! (and completely untrue. I get lots of compliments on the other pic. The bastard). And all this "judging my photo" from a 53 year old with only this photo on his profile:

WTF??? No, no ... seriously ... WTF???

This damn internet world is a crazy place, I tell ya!

But in other internet news:

The internet world is pretty dang cool with regard to the people who step up to email me with regard to this blog. A woman (hi Katie) found my Jon Bon Jovi post and was at that concert too. So yesterday she emailed me some of the pics she took. (from the front row, might I add! (I knowwww, the bitch. I've already told her that I hate her because of it! ;)))

How cool is that? Not to mention all the other folks that have contacted me! Love you and appreciate you ... each and every one.

Pretty Things:

A picture I took of sunset at the Oregon coast a couple of weeks ago:

Artwork by a great friend of mine! He grew up as a California surfer boy and has just started dabbling in the art field creating these fabulous waves! I cannot wait til he makes it rich and famous (and not only because I'm planning on mooching off of him!!!! ;))

The difference between "durable" and "not durable":

This is wooden postcard that Buck sent me from Texas awhile back. I received it late because apparently it turned out to be not AS durable as the postcard touted itself to be. (Note it is broken completely in half and the Post Office had to tape it! ;))

And last, but certainly not least:

Ryan Seacrest isn't gay?????:

And that's the latest! Hope y'all are having a great Thursday!!!

What does it MEAN???

Okay, I had a weird dream Saturday night and I'm wondering what it means. Anybody?

So I'm at a table with several people. One of which is Donald Trump (weird, right? I haven't even been watching The Apprentice this season). The other is supposedly his wife. But it's not the new one. I'm thinking maybe Ivana. But whoever it is is quite the pain in the patootey. You know, a whiner. Yet The Donald completely coddles her. It's endearing really, in a "man, she must be great in bed or else she'd be kicked to the curb so fast" kinda way.

But anyway, so The Donald and The Donald's Wife are having some funky food to eat. It's a bowl full of liquid with what looks like a small (bowl-sized) dead bush* in it. However, The Donald is showing me this great trick. Apparently you stick your index finger into the bowl and swirl it around for 60 seconds or so real fast. And voila ... suddenly out of this liquid pops what looks to be a part of a cooked tortilla. I bite into it (yes, I'm crazy like that) and it tastes like the best chocolate I have ever had. Literally! (and it's weird because I don't think I normally taste in dreams but this taste was absolutely vivid). So I'm excited because I can't wait to show this phenomenon to other people.

Uh yeah ... and there ya have it. Bizarro, right?

Now, I'm thinking I can identify a couple of elements from the dream. For instance,

• Donald Trump may have been involved because I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing real estate lately. (I'm pondering selling my house and buying another).

• Also, the dead bush looked like a miniaturized version of a dead bush in my yard. (That bastard March snow killed some of my plants and their carcasses have been mocking me everytime I approach my house lately.)

• And then there is the chocolate. Well .... what dream isn't complete without chocolate in it, right?? :)
  

But really, you put them all together and what the hell does it mean**??? Anybody have any theories?

* "bush" as in "plant", just for clarification! ;)
** other than "I am clearly insane", of course! ;)

Guilty!!!

I don't care if that boy* actually committed the murder or not! That hair needs to be off the street and safely locked away, never to see the light of day again, is all I'm sayin'.

Because, seriously .........WTF?! Can he fit through doorways with that thing???

*thanks to ABCNews.com for this loverly photo of music producer Phil Spector.

Snapshot of Singlehood

Who me?? Single??? What ever gives you THAT idea??? :)

Do you know a nice convent?

So I've been remiss lately with detailing my dating woes. It's just that I haven't actually ventured out much lately (on dates that is). But the emails with some new internet guys have continued. And let me give you an example on why the pickins are slim and I'm happier staying home with my cats and my yarn:

..........

So y'all know I went out with Harley Guy a couple of times. First two times ... GREAT! We had a lot of fun. But the third time we went out .... crickets.

I don't know if we were both just tired or what ... but we went to dinner and it was a Boring Date.

So I didn't expect to hear from him again. Which I didn't. For a week or so. But then he emailed and wanted to go out again. (?????). I thought it would be alright as friends but before we did ... this man who had done nothing but give me a chaste hug at the end of each date ... started emailing me stuff like:

makes my tongue hard. need a lickin little girl??

wanna ride daddy?

Seriously. Just out of the blue. I'm still confused on what the hell happened.

I mean, the guy was never much of an emailer anyway and so all his emails have been one or two sentences tops. But uhhh ... nothing like this. I mean, this is the kinda stuff I'm used to from first time emailers just looking to hook up for a night. (why men think that's gonna seduce a lady is beyond me. But there ya go)

So ANYHOO ... we have not been out since because that was just too weird. Nice Guy to Creepy Guy in 60 seconds flat.

..........

Another guy I met with for a first date SEEMED normal. We sat and chatted over coffee for a good hour and a half. It was going well and we were making plans to see each other again. I was thinking, "hallelujah, some guy I can at least hang with ... if nothing more".

My bad.

An hour and forty-five minutes into the date he said some girl he dated used to question what he did for a living (he told me he was a "consultant" for the government). And so he tells me, as nonchalantly as can be, that he "had a couple of his FBI buddies do a background check on her, then tail her for a couple of days, then detain her for a couple of days."* Then he said he "walked in with his two FBI buddies and said 'so you believe me NOW?'".

One hour and fifty minutes and I was out the door.

Uh ... can you say "FREAKY"? And errr ..."ILLEGAL"?? And "ABUSE OF POWER"?? GAH!!!**

..........

And the only other takers out in Internet Blogland lately seem to be guys over 50. Which ... don't get me wrong ... I understand age is just a number. But IDEALLY I would prefer someone closer to my age. My thinking being that we'd have more in common.

Like this 58 year old who I exchanged a couple of emails with lately because he had emailed me originally and said he knew that he was too old for me but would be happy just chatting with me as a buddy til I found The One (though he said he'd be open to more. And subsequent emails certainly talked about more (gah!)). I was okay with that and emailed him back as a buddy. The man then emails a NOVEL to me. Upon occasion two or three novels in one night without any replies from me in between!!!

And the stuff he's talking about just shows me we don't have much in common. Like hello .. he gets off of work around 3:30 pm and goes to dinner (can you say old geezer buffet??) by himself then is at home in bed by 5:30 pm. He then gets up around 11pm or so and putzes around for hours during the night (usually doing math problems). His music tastes are stuck in the 60s and 70s. He doesn't have pets because he can "barely take care of himself" but he's "okay with DOGS if they are well-behaved". Uh yeah. Where's the things in common, buddy? So I finally had to email and tell him I didn't think we had enough in common to pursue even a friend relationship. He replied with another novel last night and I haven't done anything with it yet.

..........

Sigh.

Seriously, do I have to be Catholic to be a nun??

* uh yeah. He actually said that last part completely non-chalantly. Like "yeah, I washed my car, vacuumed it, then waxed it". BIZARRE!
** I'm just hoping he's forgotten all about me. But if I go missing ... will y'all promise to come track me down? Check with the Feds...and I'm telling you right now ... "I didn't DO it!" (whatever they say "It" is)

Misdirection

I've got bupkus, people! Bupkus!

Still feeling slightly under the weather so haven't been out and about to return with tales of boring dates or of touching HottieHotHot rock stars.

(trust me ... no one is more bummed about that than me (with regard to the HottieHot ... not the boring dates)).

So instead, I leave you with this to while away your Friday afternoon workday.

Just a word of warning ... this game CAN be addicting. Because seriously, how difficult can it be to last 18 seconds???

I'll take The Barf Bag for $200, Alex

Hey folks! Sorry for no post yesterday! I was sickety-sick-sick-sick. Tried coming into work but had to bail after two hours. Just headed home to lay around on the couch for the remainder of the day.

Which, don't get me wrong, sounds great, doesn't it?! You know ... the being at home on a workday. Unless ... you're too sick to enjoy it, that is. And unfortunately, yesterday was one of those days. I mean, I couldn't even KNIT, people. That's just wrong.

Couldn't knit. Couldn't read. Couldn't eat. Couldn't surf the net. Just had to lay on the couch hoping not to get sick. Really. .... the sickness just sucked all the fun right on out of being home all day, let me tell you. :)

But today I am back at work. And though I'm still not feeling close to 100% ... I have made it through the work day. So far. :)

But my creativity is lacking (more so than most!). And so I thought I would leave you with the following joke someone forwarded to me recently. Hope you enjoy....

The Do's and Don't of PMS. (a quick guide for the man in your life)

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Get Fat Quick Scheme?

Okay, the Oregonian's Knitting Olympic medal results are in!!! And though my bunny and purse didn't win gold ....or silver ......OR bronze for that matter (grrrrrrrr)....my knitting did get mentioned. WITH picture printed in the paper. Whoo hooo!

So that's cool. My purse and bunny are now famous! (at least in my mind!!)

Here's a link to the article. (you can see many of the Olympic entry photos by clicking the "more photos" found under the reporter's picture in the "Related" box next to the article header. Then scroll down to "More Living" and click on "Knitting Olympics". (after seeing some of these amazing entries, I'm pretty damn proud that the bunny and purse were one of only a few entries which had a photo printed in the paper. (Go Bunny! Go Bunny! Go Bunny!!))

Do you see the gold went to a 9 year old girl? I mean, OF COURSE I didn't win against her. Little kid ... full-on poncho. Not a bunny-prayer in sight.

But I DO protest the silver medal going to the woman who knit the 47 foot scarf! I mean, don't get me wrong ... I understand why the judges awarded her a medal. Because comeee onnnnn .......someone that knits A FORTY-SEVEN FOOT SCARF! Why ... that's just CRAZY*! Right? And you just don't wanna piss off that kinda crazy! Best to just give her a medal and slowly back away is all I'm sayin'.

But that's alright ... I KNOW the bunny and purse are cute. And they both have gone to great homes where they will be properly idolized (one of the prerequisites to receiving something knitted by me!). (*grin*)

Speaking of which ... check this out. T1 took my purse into her coworker** today and a different coworker loved it and has already placed an order for one. Isn't that funny? Me ... a professional knitter! Whodathunkit?

Course, I'm pretty much just charging cost of supplies. Though I did throw in a demand for some of her outrageously yummilicious kahlua pork. (Is it just me, or perhaps should I have paid better attention in those entrepreneurial business classes? ;))

Happy Monday, everybody!!

*yes, all capitalized!
** the coworker will be giving it to her daughter.

Where's My Calendar??

Dear Weather Gods-

WTF?

I'm sorry. It would appear that you didn't get the memo. You know ... The Memo. The one which would have informed you that this is the month of March.

And even may have more explicitly stated that this is the month of March in Portland, Oregon.

You remember ... "March in Portland". The month of birds singing, bulbs blooming, me spring cleaning my garden.

Looks kinda like this:

Yeah, March.

Ringing any bells yet?

I didn't think so.

Because if it had , surely I would not be looking out my window at this:

That's right ... snow. In March. In Portland.

Not happy.

I mean, sure sure the snow is beautiful ... don't get me wrong. But perhaps you didn't notice that I just purchased cutey-patootey sandals at Zappos this week (LOVE YOU, Zappos.com). Yeah, they're not what one would call "snow gear".

Just sayin'.

Maybe you could check your inbox or look through those papers under your coffee mug for that memo. Because really.... it IS March. I SWEAR!

Thank you.

There is "crazy" ... and then there is "CRAZY"

Okay, so y'all know I'm a huge animal lover. HUGE! And have carried the title of "crazy cat lady" almost with pride*.

But what you may not know is that I am also a huge believer in respecting life in general. Even for things such as (icky) insects. So instead of say squashing those spiders I find in my house ... I take them outside. You know, catch and release, so to speak.

Now some would call that crazy. And some might be right. But, I'm tellin' ya, it is not CRAZY. And there is a difference. (And we're not just talking capitalization! ;))

What's that I hear? You're asking just what that difference is then. Well, here, folks ... let me give you an example.

"crazy" = taking the time to catch an insect invading my home and safely and gently removing it to the outside world.
"CRAZY" = creating a home within my home for the said insect, hunting down a mate for it, and, perhaps, feeling the need to hire someone to come in and feed it whenever I go on vacation.

Right? See the difference?

And so, folks, with that little explanation behind us, I give you a true-life example of The CRAZY!

Matchmaking Try Falls Short For Anaconda Bank Butterfly

I mean, God bless 'em. I appreciate what they're doing. And, sadly, can almost see myself getting behind their attachment to Bob to some degree. (Which I guess elevates my "crazy" to "Crazy") But that whole "mail order butterfly bride" thing. Yeah .... lines have got to be drawn, people!! Just sayin'!

*alright, maybe not quite with "pride". Because I still say that two cats does not a "crazy cat lady" make. Unless I was into dressing them up. And maybe carrying their photos in my wallet. Which, for the record, I am NOT.

I touched Jon Bon Jovi!

No really! It wasn't even a dream. For real. At the Bon Jovi concert last night at the Rose Garden.

Yep, touched the Jon-Jon! (How's that for improved stalking abilities??? ;))

And I didn't even get arrested for it! Whoo hooo!

Actually, last night wasn't so much the "stalking" abilities as the "holy cow, we got lucky" abilities. Because T2* and I had crapass seats for the show. Row 43 on the floor. Which y'all know, means you'll be watching the big screen all night because everyone's big heads are blocking the view of the stage.

I knew this going in, and was prepared for it. (don't get me started on the cursing of the Ticketmaster presales)

But what I didn't know was that Row 43 was the very, very, very last row on the floor. Which, interestingly enough, turns into the front row when Jon decided to open the show with a song from the back of the arena!!!

That's right ... front row.

AND ... as luck would ALSO have it ... we were on the side he was using to get to and from this makeshift stage in the back. Had we been Row 43 on the OTHER side of the arena ... there would have been no touching of this Pretty.

(I'm tellin' ya, I really should buy a lotto ticket this week because rarely, rarely, rarely do I ever have this much luck fall into place at one time.)

But sadly enough, a little luck will only carry you so far, I found. Apparently talent would also be a good thing to have. More specifically, the talent of coordination. Because apparently I still can't touch The Pretty, excitedly jump up and down, hyperventilate, AND take a decent picture all at the same time. (trust me on this ... I've tried!)

Which is how I only ended up with this shot..... ya know, after Jon had already turned away.

I mean, it's a good picture if maybe you're a hair dresser and want to analyze Jon's highlights. But pretty bad if you want a close up picture of his smiling face (good God that smile! It just melts me). Sigh.

But did I mention that I DID get to touch him? (Okay, just checkin'! ;))

Anyway, I'll try to work on the coordination. I promise!

In the meantime, how about some concert roundup and tons-'o-pics?

Here are some shots** of Jon singing the first song at the back of the arena. (as always, click to enlarge the pics for maximum drooling)

At another point during the show, Jon ended up singing a song in the first tier on the right side of the arena (it's okay, you can hate the women that were standing RIGHT THERE while he sang. I do!)

But then for the next song (Bed of Roses) he slowly meandered his way off this platform and down the arena aisle. Slowly singing and greeting all the folks right there. With only one little ole bodyguard trailing several feet away.

I thought that was awesome! He even cut through some of the rows and no-one mauled him. (which may not have been the case had I been over there!! ;))

(I especially enjoy the blonde in the picture checking out his ass (you go, girl!))

Anyway, well done Bon Jovi fans!!! I still hate all y'all for getting to touch my Pretty ... but really, well done.

A big highlight of the evening was getting to hear the band play "Runaway". You know, the song which started it all. The house was ROCKIN', I tell ya ... rockin'! It was awesome!

Another highlight and yet lowlight was Richie Sambora's solo of the evening. Y'all know Heather Locklear filed for divorce from him, right? (no, I don't know what she was thinkin'.).

Anyway, T2 notices early on that Richie isn't wearing his wedding ring and we give each other the boo-boo face. But THEN ... she notices that he is wearing it on a chain around his neck. And then we REALLY pout. Because, uh ... yeah ... oh so sad!

But wait, it gets worse!

So Richie steps up to sing one of the songs like he's known to do. And the song he chooses ... wait for it ... wait for it .... is "I'll Be There For You". OMG!

To those of you unfamiliar with the song ... here are the first couple of verses and the chorus:

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

Does it GET any sadder than that? ARGH!

Man, had I not got to touch Jon earlier I'da been so sad for him that I'da just melted into a pity pool on the arena floor. But luckily for me (and for the maintenance crew who'da had to clean me up), I HAD touched Jon and still had that Jon-high to offset the Richie-low! ;)

But it was interesting, because Jon was commenting on how beautiful the women in Portland were at the show and says to Richie, "maybe you can find the next Mrs. Sambora here". To which I screamed like the crazy rock-n-roll whore I am! ;)

And again, later in the show, a fan had tossed a flower up to Jon. He plucks a couple of the petals and says as he looks at Richie, "she loves me .... she loves me not ..... (insert pause) ... bitch!" to which Richie smiled.

So it was nice to see that Richie had Jon in his corner offering up support.

Still sad though.

So uh Richie ... if you decide to move on and maybe try someone not famous, not rich, not popular and not drop-dead gorgeous ... give me a jingle, eh?! Because, lord knows I'm available!!! ;)

Okay, back to the concert photos.

Here are some more for your viewing pleasure. Now please remember I was in Row 43. So most shots should look like the following (note the live band members are the ant-like specks on the bottom! Jon is being shown on the big video screen):

But instead, through the wizardry which is me (!), I offer up:

That's right ... I know how to work the system!! ;) So please enjoy these shots taken off the big video screen!

FINALLY, towards the very end of the show, Jon stripped down a little bit. And so I present the following pic:

Can I get a "mmmm, mmmm, mmmm"?? That's right. :)

And last but certainly not least (being that this is my favorite and I CANNOT believe I got this quality a photo off the big screen) ........

I lovelovelovelove that picture. So much so that I would marry it if I could. But alas, I cannot. Sigh.

So there you have it. A Bon Jovi's "Have A Nice Day" tour roundup! Not only a great show .... but... have I mentioned?... I got to touch Jon Bon Jovi!!!!!

* who would also like me to note here that she also touched him ...with both hands.
** thanks to T2 for some of these shots as well. We were both snapping shots as quickly as our cameras would allow.

Kudos To Moonstruck Chocolate Co

Kudos to Portland, Oregon's own Moonstruck Chocolate Co. for being selected for the SECOND year in a row to be the "exclusive chocolate provider" for this year's Academy Award Gift Baskets.

Isn't that AWESOME!?! What an honor, right?! I'm so proud! (no, I don't know why. But there ya go!)

And though we, the non-Academy Award Invites, can't get our hands on the actual gift boxes provided to The Stars*, we can purchase the same truffles here! Just be forewarned, do not view this site hungry. Cuz it's torture, I tell ya ... torture!!! :)

And if you've never experienced the chocolatey goodness found at one of their Chocolate Cafe's ... go now . RUN! Chocolate truffles, chocolate drinks, oh my! Oh so good.

(no, I am not part owner of this company. Nor do I have any of their stock. But just as I'm a shoe-ho, I'm a chocolate-ho ... so I love this place!).

I mean, come onnnn, folks ... a Chocolate Cafe. Does it GET any better than that??

Specialty chocolate and espresso drinks partnered with hand crafted artisan chocolates for an experience that can alter the course of your day for the better, in a setting that inspires you to linger.

Uh hello?! Can you say "heaven"!?! ;)

Go. Go now!

*unless YOU can ... in which case I'd love to be your new best friend!!! :)

KGTF

So Sis2 emailed me a link to this book and threatened to buy it for me.

This here, folks, is what you call "Knitting Gone Too Far". Just sayin'.

But if you are interested, it is coming to a store near you this May.

I will not be standing in line for it.

Though I may need to eventually take a peek through it. (what?? :))

The Gold Medal

How cool is this? The gold medal created for the Knitting Olympics on The Harlot's site.

I love it! Damn creatively talented people!

So I'm posting it on my site for all to see! Besides, I figure I earned it! Because not only did I finish The Bunny (a miracle itself) ... but as y'all may have noticed .. The Bunny actually LOOKS like a bunny and not the frog as I feared. (I know, I'm more amazed than you .. trust me on this!)

So anyway, thought I'd share. This medal was just too creative not to. And besides, toot, toot. (yeah, the sound of my own horn. I'll stop now! ;))