This is a TWO Sticky Note Situation

So I head over to the microwave at work the other day to heat up my five star meal (you know, from the famous chef, Lean Cuisine (I know, y'all are just SO jealous!)). And I notice a yellow sticky note stuck to the microwave.

The handwritten note reads:

"Caution: Do not leave unattended during use. Part on order"

Huh??

Now, don't y'all think a little MORE information should be given in a situation like this?! You know, when you're using a device that deals with intense heat and with radiation?

I mean, it would be nice to know if The Broken Part is simply one of the microwave's legs. And that the appliance may suddenly tip slightly to one side during use thereby causing some of your food to spill.

Similarly, it would be nice to know if The Broken Part is the seal which keeps you from dying a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. OR perhaps the part which keeps the microwave from exploding!

Because, let me tell you, inquiring minds would like to know, ya know?!

Because spilled food might be worth the risk.

Death By Microwave ... not so much.

Just sayin' is all.

Show Me The Gold!

My Olympic knitting is done! Whoo hooo!

I. Did. It!! WHEW!!!

Not only did I finish The Bunny (as was my goal) ... but I added in a scarf for The Bunny (I still chuckle over knitting a scarf for a stuffed animal!) ....AND I also managed to pull off The Cute Little Felted Purse.

See?

That purse was a bit iffy at first, let me tell you. That puppy just did not want to felt right.

For instance, this is the purse pre-felted, Notice how well proportionate the height and width are:

So why, oh why then, did it felt into the shape of a banana-hammock*?? Inquiring minds want to know.

So I'd stretch it and refelt, stretch it and refelt ..... but after umpteen** runs through the washing machine .... I made peace with the shape (fine, fine ....I gave up ... whatever! ;)).

And really, once I sewed on the handles and the ornamentation, it looks fine. It's certainly the fanciest banana-hammock I've ever seen!! ;)

So, tell me, where's my medal?? :)

* Sorry. Just saw that Friends episode recently where Phoebe changes her name to Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock. It stuck! :)
** in this case, "umpteen" would be equal to "5"! ;)

You ALSO know you're a knitter when....

So my alarm clock wakes me this morning, disrupting my hot and sexy dream about ..... (wait for it ... wait for it) ......

....... the mattress stitch!! That's right ... you heard me.

Now before y'all non-knitters out there get all excited with your "the mattress stitch?? We've never heard of that sexual position before ... tell us MORE!" ....let me save you some time from running off to look it up in your kama sutra books, and tell you this: the mattress stitch is a way to join two pieces of knitting ... a la "seaming".

Yep. That's right ... I was dreaming about seaming my knitting project using the mattress stitch. Stitch by excruciating stitch.

Could my life GET any more exciting?!!

Oh, I think not.

Sigh.

.....


But on the bright side (if there can be one to having knitting dreams over say, dreams about Matthew McConaughey*)... I finally have the picture of my Bunny With Scarf to show you!

Doesn't that scarf just add that extra little "umph" to the cuteness factor of it? I think so! LOVE me da bunny!

*now dreams of shirtless Matthew McConaughey knitting the mattress stitch would be just fine and dandy, don't get me wrong. ;)

You know you're a knitter when.....

So I walk into work yesterday and I find a piece yarn sitting on my office chair. Yep, a piece of the fuzzy pink yarn I was using to knit the bunny a scarf the night before.

Y'all know what that means, don't you? That means that I left my house the day before yesterday wearing a 3 inch long piece of fuzzy pink yarn on my ass. That's right ... pink yarn ... my ass.

And no ... I WASN'T wearing a pink skirt or pink pants .... anything into, one could hope, the pink yarn could blend. I was wearing dark blue jeans and a long black jacket. Both of which would highlight the pink just beautifully, thankyouverymuch.

That also means, for the record, that at some point I was walking around the office with said fuzzy pink yarn clinging to my butt. The question being .... for how long?

My guess would be .... all day.

You know why I think that? Because as soon as I walked into my office yesterday morning I IMMEDIATELY saw the piece of yarn lying in the middle of the chair. I mean, come onnnnnn, it's a big chunk of pink in the middle of a solid piece of black. How difficult is that to spot?

Exactly ... not so much.

And so had it been there during the previous day ... I would surely have seen it.

(No, really.)

Which also means ... it was visible to all ... on my butt ... all day.

And so if ever I question why I'm single, simply do me the favor and send me the link to this post, would ya?!

Because if traipsing through life wearing clothes dusted with cat hair wasn't a big enough deterrent to all the single men out there .... try adding in The Yarn. "Crazy Cat Lady" and "Knitter" advertised to all before I even say two words?? Yeah, it just doesn't get much sexier than that, now does it? :)

Ferraris, Riff-raff, and Me

Sorry about the sporadic posts lately. Life has been busy. No, no ... not with dates ... but with knitting. (What else, right?? :))

But in my defense, we ARE in the midst of the Knitting Olympics afterall. So that's the only reason I'm dateless (ha!)!

So here is some of the latest with regard to my life:

Emma inspecting some flowers I received from Buck (ahhhh. I know ... isn't that sweet?!)

Aren't those gorgeous tulips?! We had some great weather a couple of weeks ago and flowers started budding. Then we had a freeze. I know one of my plants didn't make it. I'm hoping the rest pull through. But MAN am I jonesing for spring to hit so I can get out there in the garden.

Here's a Ferrari I touched* at an annual Ferrari party I went to with a friend on Saturday night. This car supposedly is worth about 1.25 MILLION DOLLARS! That's right. M-I-L-L-I-O-N!

Damn rich people .... spending over a million bucks just on ONE CAR! And me ... in their midst ... hobnobbing with them. It was surreal, to say the least.

They were all great ... and a number of them you wouldn't think had money ... but then you start listening to the stories (or looking at the jewelry dripping off their fingers). About the cars (you should have seen the parking lot!), about the travels which involved driving said cars in different countries, about the 3 year waiting lists for the new ones. Just crazy I tell you. I'm just thrilled that no-one there asked me what I drove! My answering would have been akin to saying "E.F. Hutton says....." (am I totally dating myself with that reference??? Damn youngsters! IT MEANS the room would have gone dead quiet. DEAD QUIET. Oh, and then they probably would have all casually moved as far from me as possible! )

On a related note ... I just watched a video linked on Yahoo! about a Ferrari that was just torn in two today when it crashed out on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California. Yep, supposedly some schmuck was driving almost 200 mph and lost control. Amazingly enough, neither folks in the Ferrari were seriously injured. Though the driver did flee. (can you say, rich kid who took daddy's car out without permission for a joy ride??). Anyway, they're saying the car was worth almost a million. Does insurance cover that if you're driving almost 200 mph??

So the bunny is even cuter today. Yep, I knitted a pink scarf for it last night**. Finishes it perfectly! I'd have a picture to show you but uh yeahhhhhh .... I'll have to get back to you on that. I MEANT to do it ... but forgot. Sigh. Damn old age.

Speaking of "damn old age" ... for the FIRST TIME EVER I've lost my ATM/debit card. Yep, made a deposit at the ATM this weekend and just drove away without grabbing the card. Can you say "needs a keeper!".

And really ... how do people SURVIVE without a debit card. OMG! I've had to use cash! ARGH! That's UNHEARD of. I'm completely lost. And the new card and PIN won't show up til probably early next week (thank you President's Day holiday). I'm not quite sure how I'll survive. Send good thoughts! :)

And thanks to T1's coworker (hi T ... errr ... T3?) ... I have this article to share with you. This is a link to a "marriage contract" which a man wrote up for his wife. Be forewarned, his demands are explicit .... and infuriating. So read at your own risk.

And with that I will bid y'all adieu for the day. Happy Tuesday!

* hey, what do they expect when they let riff-raff like me in??
**yeah, I'm knitting scarves for stuffed animals nowadays. It's time for that intervention. Just sayin'. ;)

That don't look like no bunny!

At all! That's all I'm sayin'.

I mean, a warped lookin' gingerbread man, maybe. Or more so like a cozy for a man's .... well.... errrr.... never mind. This is a toy for a BABY afterall. So scratch any of those impure thoughts.

But yeah .... this is what following the pattern got me. Scary, ain't it?!

Who knew that some arm and ear attachments, and a little stuffing, could turn that wretched little thing into this cutest ever stuffed bunny!!!!

That's right, I DID IT! Lil ole me!! All by my lonesome (errr, minus some coaching, of course!!). Whoo hooooo! And look! ... it even resembles the bunny in the book. Only much, MUCH cuter, of course! (right? right??) :)

So in true Olympian fashion, because we have another 7 days, I am taking on another task! I have started the project below...

Which I shall name after I'm finished. Cuz uhhhhh .... I've never made one of these either. And it requires felting. And I'm using a leftover yarn which may or may not felt well (I forget the wool content). So let's leave it open ... in case it needs to go from "very cute little felted something"... into "not so cute, but I meant it to be all along, unfelted something"!!! :)

Or maybe I'll just knit a scarf for the bunny and call it good! :)

Either way, wish me luck!

I Be Jive Talkin'!

I have discovered Gizoogle! It translates websites into "jive talk". Flippin hysterical!

Check out how it translated my last post. Ya know ... The Post All About Joe! ;) (That's right ... out of all the posts I selected the Aerosmith one. Which I'm SURE had nothing to do with getting to repost the pictures of Joe Perry. Nope ... nothing at all. What of it?? :))

First, let's git this party started R-to-tha-izzight n shit. Ladies n Gentleman .... I give you .... Aerosmith!!!

Why yes, thank you ... that IS a bootylicious pic . It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Don't worry ... we'll revisit tizzle picture lata on in tha P-to-tha-izzost, so scroll along wit me, would ya?!

Okay, before we can git ta tha concert details, some light housekeep'n ta be taken care of:

First off, as you can see by this concert ticket, cameras were not allowed.

So pleaze kizzle thiznat all tha photos in this post were taken by a camera I purchased there. Or. Maybe they is simply images fizzle mah mind thizzat I've magically transferred (via gnomes?) ta this hizzy B-L-to-tha-izzog. All I kizzy is ... T-H-to-tha-izzat they is def NOT taken by a camera I snuck in there fo' sheezy. Nosirizzles. No rule sippin' going on here!! Just sayin'. ;)

Secondly, y'all need ta kizzy thizzay I was at a Joe Perry concert last niznight. Sure, sure ... there happened ta be wanna be gangstafamous musicians on stage in they crazy attempts ta distract me from tha Joey-goodness .... but they failed puttin tha smack down. This is all `bout The Joe. Any gangsta folks pictured hizzle is simply ta appeaze tha masses. I'm aight wit tha bitchez that dizzon't understand tizzle Joe Perry is one of tha sexiest men alive so you betta run and grab yo glock. Less competizzles I say.

And finally on tha housekeep'n tasklist, I'll share wit you some pictures of L-E-Double-Nizzy Kravitz. He opened fo` Joe (that's rizzay ... he opened fo` JOE) last niznight n he did a really, really bootylicious job. The only problem I had wit his shizzay was that Joe wasn't on stage.

Nonethizzle I took some pictures . It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Pleaze view them, love thizzay n F-U-Double-Lizzy appreciate them sho nuff. You'll see why I request that of you lata on in tha post in all flavas.

Some shot calla shots, in mah humble opinion. It could be coz tha cruisin' is betta ... or perhaps coz L-E-Double-Nizzy stripped D-to-tha-izzown ta a sniznug fitt'n tiznank top. I'll let you decide........

Lenny's guitar playa thats off tha hook yo. I don't know his name. But coz I DO knizzay his name isn't "Joe Perry" .....we're mov'n on......

Buh-bye, Lenny. Buh-bye, Lenny's band. Thanks fo` a bootylicious performance!

Okay, now on ta tha point of this post. Joe!

Here's Joe Perry n SGWINJ1 so i can get mah pimp on. ("SGWINJ1", you ask? Yes, "Some Guy Who Is Not Joe #1". I think he's more commonly referred ta as "Steven Brotha . I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. But not in this hizzle blizzay piznost! ;))

So mah niggaz (T2 n E) n I had GREAT seats fo` this show. Aerosmith's stage setup was such T-H-to-tha-izzat sometizzles we were a bit off ta tha side as you can tell by tha pics seen immediately above.

But tha band also had walkways out into tha crowd fo' sheezy. Which put tha band memba out in front of us at times as well mah nizzle. Like so fo' real:

And like so...

What's tizzy I hear? You're ridin' why I included Tizzy shiznot upside yo head. You dizzon't T-H-to-tha-izzink it's a good one, eh? Hmmm doggystyle. Oh, you poor shawty th'n. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Let me enlighten you, mah shawty brotha . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. It's all `bout yo focus.....

See? There IS method ta mah madness! ;)

Okay, but tha BEST part `bout they stage setup was that tha stage had Doggy Stylin' which extended right ta where we wizzy sitt'n! And so .... at times, we were vizzleup close n personal. See?

H-O-T D-A-M-N!...... is all I'm sayin'!

Speak'n of "hot damn" ... check out thesephotos! (*insert lascivous wolf whistle here* (in fact, insert several, he deserves it!))

And ... back ta our original photo...

Which I'm thinkin' looks a shawty betta when cropped like this:

(Dear lord ...is tizzle dawg a sexpot or what?!)

But WAIT ... I stizzill thiznink we can do motherfucka.

Hmmm.

AH .... I know.......

Lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy. How do I git me some of that!?!

Seriously. Anybody? Coz .. In. A. Heart.Beat. Jizzy sayin'.

(Fizzay Jizzle I'm will'n ta go fizzle "celebrity whore" ta "celebrity ho". (That's right ... I have no shame wizzle it comes ta this man. Wizzle of it?!))

:)

And so, dizzle friends, I leave you wit this final picture. Taken dur'n tha last song of tha encore. (Ladies, feel free ta stare n droo` as I recount tha final minute of tha concert fo` you.)

So tha final minute of tha concert goes kinda like this:

T+60 seconds so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Battery warn'n is trippin' on camera. I lean over ta T2 ta show her (her camera battery had died early on in tha concert (we took a LOT of pictures)). We bizzle git a bit nervous ... but it's tha final S-to-tha-izzong n all. W-to-tha-izze'll be fine.

Right?

T+50 seconds: I takes a picture. THE picture above.

T+45 seconds: Camera dies.

T+44 seconds: I stare in horror at mah darkened camera.

T+42 seconds: I desperately try ta restart tha camera. (fyi: chillin' it does not work!)

T+40 seconds: I lean over n show T2 dead camera. We bizzay makes HUGE boo-boo lips but thiznink all wizzle be okay paper'd up. Afta all, this is tha very, very end of tha concert, right?!. Whizzat could POSSIBLY occur thiznat we haven't a picture of already?!

T+31 seconds: I tizzay ta look bizzack at Joe, who is now ho-slappin' on tha walkway in F-R-to-tha-izzont of me, as I slizzay tha now-dead camera into mah jacket pocket.

T+30 seconds: JOE RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT . They call me tha black folks president. And plays tha final 30 seconds of concert witout said shiznirt. That's right .... Right in front of me ! Ya kizzle .... in ( whizzat would have been ) tha perfect photo op place!

T+29 seconds: T2 n I wizzy in unison at tha injustice of it all!

T: Concert ends. Wit Joe ... S-T-to-tha-izzill shirtless. And me ... wit no spendin' camera.

So pleaze do me tha favor of enjoy'n tha L-E-Double-Nizzy Kravitz pictures. Most specifically tha ones of his guitar playa n' shit. Coz they cost me Shirtless Pictures of Joe Perry. Whizzich makes thizzay very, very, vizzle valuable indeed! ;)

Yo yo, mah bitchez! Dont stop til the wheels fall off. And have yo-self a bootylicious day! Peace out! :)

F'in camera batteries!!!!!

First, let's get this party started right. Ladies and Gentleman .... I give you .... Aerosmith!!!

Why yes, thank you ... that IS a great pic. Don't worry ... we'll revisit that picture later on in the post, so scroll along with me, would ya?!

Okay, before we can get to the concert details, some light housekeeping to be taken care of:

First off, as you can see by this concert ticket, cameras were not allowed.

So please know that all the photos in this post were taken by a camera I purchased there. Or. Maybe they are simply images from my mind that I've magically transferred (via gnomes?) to this here blog. All I know is ... that they are definitely NOT taken by a camera I snuck in there. Nosireebob. No rule breaking going on here!! Just sayin'. ;)

Secondly, y'all need to know that I was at a Joe Perry concert last night. Sure, sure ... there happened to be other famous musicians on stage in their crazy attempts to distract me from the Joey-goodness .... but they failed. This is all about The Joe. Any other folks pictured here are simply to appease the masses. I'm okay with the women that don't understand that Joe Perry is one of the sexiest men alive. Less competition, I say.

And finally on the housekeeping tasklist, I'll share with you some pictures of Lenny Kravitz. He opened for Joe (that's right ... he opened for JOE) last night and he did a really, really great job. The only problem I had with his show was that Joe wasn't on stage.

Nonetheless, I took some pictures. Please view them, love them, and fully appreciate them. You'll see why I request that of you later on in the post.

Some better shots, in my humble opinion. It could be because the lighting is better ... or perhaps because Lenny stripped down to a snug fitting tank top. I'll let you decide........

Lenny's guitar player. I don't know his name. But because I DO know his name isn't "Joe Perry" .....we're moving on......

Buh-bye, Lenny. Buh-bye, Lenny's band. Thanks for a great performance!

Okay, now on to the point of this post. Joe!

Here's Joe Perry and SGWINJ1. ("SGWINJ1", you ask? Yes, "Some Guy Who Is Not Joe #1". I think he's more commonly referred to as "Steven Tyler". But not in this here blog post! ;))

So my friends (T2 and E) and I had GREAT seats for this show. Aerosmith's stage setup was such that sometimes we were a bit off to the side as you can tell by the pics seen immediately above.

But the band also had walkways out into the crowd. Which put the band members out in front of us at times as well. Like so:

And like so...

What's that I hear? You're asking why I included THAT shot. You don't think it's a good one, eh? Hmmm. Oh, you poor little things. Let me enlighten you, my little grasshoppers. It's all about your focus.....

See? There IS method to my madness! ;)

Okay, but the BEST part about their stage setup was that the stage had "wings" which extended right to where we were sitting! And so .... at times, we were very up close and personal. See?

H-O-T D-A-M-N!...... is all I'm sayin'!

Speaking of "hot damn" ... check out these photos! (*insert lascivous wolf whistle here* (in fact, insert several, he deserves it!))

And ... back to our original photo...

Which I'm thinkin' looks a little better when cropped like this:

(Dear lord ...is that man a sexpot or what?!)

But WAIT ... I still think we can do better.

Hmmm.

AH .... I know.......

Lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy. How do I get me some of that!?!

Seriously. Anybody? Because .. In. A. Heart.Beat. Just sayin'.

(For Joe, I'm willing to go from "celebrity whore" to "celebrity ho". (That's right ... I have no shame when it comes to this man. What of it?!))

:)

And so, dear friends, I leave you with this final picture. Taken during the last song of the encore. (Ladies, feel free to stare and drool as I recount the final minute of the concert for you.)

So the final minute of the concert goes kinda like this:

T+60 seconds: Battery warning is flashing on camera. I lean over to T2 to show her (her camera battery had died early on in the concert (we took a LOT of pictures)). We both get a bit nervous ... but it's the final song and all. We'll be fine.

Right?

T+50 seconds: I take a picture. THE picture above.

T+45 seconds: Camera dies.

T+44 seconds: I stare in horror at my darkened camera.

T+42 seconds: I desperately try to restart the camera. (fyi: shaking it does not work!)

T+40 seconds: I lean over and show T2 dead camera. We both make HUGE boo-boo lips but think all will be okay. After all, this is the very, very end of the concert, right?!. What could POSSIBLY occur that we haven't a picture of already?!

T+31 seconds: I turn to look back at Joe, who is now playing on the walkway in front of me, as I slip the now-dead camera into my jacket pocket.

T+30 seconds: JOE RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT. And plays the final 30 seconds of concert without said shirt. That's right .... Right in front of me! Ya know .... in (what would have been) the perfect photo op place!

T+29 seconds: T2 and I wail in unison at the injustice of it all!

T: Concert ends. With Joe ... still shirtless. And me ... with no working camera.

So please do me the favor of enjoying the Lenny Kravitz pictures. Most specifically the ones of his guitar player. Because they cost me Shirtless Pictures of Joe Perry. Which makes them very, very, very valuable indeed! ;)